Once again, time to dip into the wisdom of the BBS: Sometimes I wonder why (most) of us guys can be so stupid when it comes to women. I'm pretty sure all of us know of friends that have been involved with women/relationships that we knew would end badly. I mean really knew - the friend knew, all his buds knew, hell even the coworkers know: and yet they still got involved, only to get screwed in the end (not in the good way). Of course, it's even worse when it's not a friend, but you. Kind of like I'm doing now. This girl I met about two months ago, hit it off, things went well at the beginning. Then as time went by more things came up that sent up warning flags for me. She smokes, for one thing - not just cigs - and to the extent where it's not a casual thing. She's a little more wild and crazy than the girls I'm used to - not necessarily a bad thing, but still there's a history there. And...she's still hung up on an ex. I found out all these things as it went along. Luckily I've been burned enough in the past to keep some measure of distance and keep wary of what's going on, but I can feel my resolve slipping...slipping.... She's very flighty. Because of the ex hangup, I can tell there's times she gets real close, then other times distant and I'm well aware of why. Then tonight, after a long conversation just a few days ago, she tells me that I've been nothing but great to her, and she's still hung up on her ex (as though I wasn't aware) and it made her angry, and she just needed to be by herself and figure out what she wants. Which is fine with me. It's almost like a save for me. I know if things had progressed I would have done something stupid, more than likely. The other things kept me from actually going after a serious relationship in the first place. I could not hear from her again, which would probably be best. But if she does try...should I even bother? I'll end up getting screwed over in the end, I'm sure. Maybe I should just cut things off before I get in too bad a shape. I swear...why the hell can't I meet normal, sane girls?!?! And why are we (most of us) so stupid with the ones we know aren't?!?!
Meet a (real) church girl. That's not the "solve-it-all" solution by any means... but a REAL devoted church girl, that really is really, really, real shouldn't be such a pain. Or just don't date until you're really, really, ready to truly be serious and give it your best. Plus, if you're under 18 (don't know if you are, but for anyone reading this) why the rush?? Who says you've gotta be in a relationship?? Live your life, find out who you are as a person, get some goals... and your match will come along. It happened to me, it could happen to you.
Or one that has ex-boyfriend paraphernalia in several places around her house, yet none of it is really dusty. Or one that smokes crack. Nothing against crackheads, but to stereotype, you don't want to do this. At least if you own any expensive, easily-pawnable electronics.
Why are we so stupid around women? Boobs. I was with my college roomie one day, and we passed a hottie on the way to class. ME: Dude, she had a pretty face. ROOMIE: She had a head? I laughed for 20 minutes.
Rokkit: Sounds like she is a "high-maintenance" woman. Take it from someone who has had dealings with these types of women; you are better off without her.
just another example of how all women are crazy and dont know what they want. it sounds like you really like her but she is not very decisive. you have made yourself and your intentions clear. there is nothing more you can do. i would just wait for her to get in touch w/ you. she knows where you stand and if she doesnt know what she wants than thats her problem. i was dating a girl a couple months back who had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship and still had pictures of her boyfriend in her apartment and more specifically in her bedroom. they had been broken up for over 6 months at this point. i thought it was wierd but never said anything, though i wanted to tell her to get over it already. she did the same thing your girl did and just kind of flaked on me. i liked her, but if she was going to be pulling that stuff than i was better off w/out her.
if she does call you back i say "go for it." just try to keep your emotions in-check and not get too attatched.
Women, can't live with, can't live with em... There is always an allure to a beautiful women...but sometimes, girls change and of course guys do too... We do the stupidest things for a attempt or a potential piece of arse... Even the clingy, over bearing, call you 15 times a day girls... God help us...
Single guys..there is hope. But you need to not let your hormones tie you to a girl that isn't 'The One' ( I mean just cause she lets you poke her) 'The one' is the girl with the generally pleasent disposition, that laughs and smiles a lot. That accepts you for who you are. They are out there but you have to look in the right places and then sift through a lot of ore to find the gold. Also, you have to be someone that is attractive to them. That means of pleasent disposition , smilling a lot and accept them for who they are. I've been married for 29 years and I know finding the right girl is the difference between a living hell and heaven on earth.
Well, I consider 'need to be alone for a while and figure out what's going on' to mean 'I'm going to try again with my ex even though I've complained about him everytime we've talked'. So I really don't expect to hear from her anymore. Or maybe I should, hell someone tell me. IROC: Good advice, but I'm not a regular church goer myself, so I don't think that could work out, sadly. RR: Very true. Dallas: Ditto. Manny: You're probably right, though it's always harder to say than do. Particularly until something else comes along. jm: I hear what you're saying, but it's the 'too attached' part I was trying to be careful about. Hell, I was getting attached even though I had all those things blaring warning sirens at me. Gene: I think your story only depressed me more. Ah well, it sucks for now. I hope something else to catch my interest doesn't take too long. Funny thing is, since the end of my last 'serious' relationship a year ago, I've had nothing but opportunities I don't really want, or too much baggage involved.
But vice versa for the guys out there too. The problem in all of this is that good guys like most of yall are (I'm assuming here) are more hesitant to speak up, and jerks are always the first to speak up, so its more likely for a chick to date a jerk - there's just something about them. Same with chicks. The ones with the problems are strangely attractive for some reason.... Nice girls (like me ) are usually more soft spoken - or taken by some jerk(like DT).
Hey woman! I thought I told you to not post on this here site no more! Get your ass back in the kitchen and wash my damn dishes before I have to give you a whoopin'.
If you care to read my 1500 or so posts you will notice my afinity for falling in love. its truely another 4 letter word, Lust i am the victim of. Regardless I have tremendous experience with women. not in the love em and leave em way, but in the several week to several month but never more than a year relationship way. as a non smoker, I feel your smoking thing, but this is what i have recently had to admit. I have vices, just not smoking. how can I say that there are no amazing women out there that smoke. Smoking is just one of her vices. weed is another. if you help provide another vice she will smoke both less. trust me. not to say you can change her, but she will feel uncomfortable smoking around you and may some day quit. if she has absolutely no concideration for you in terms of kising you after a smoke, or smoking close to you and not blowing away from you. she is simply inconciderate. so walk away. you however must be vocal about your needs. like clean air, or gum before you kiss. as far as the ex: well I suppose it depends on the context. she surely complains about him, but ya know maybe her complaints were also a way of telling you what she likes in a man and a relationship. kind of like reading the negative of a picture for its true meaning. you need to be observant. she might not know what to talk about with you and you seem to humor ex-talk. if you are a good conversationalist you can always have a subject far from her ex, and interesting to discuss between trips to the back seat, couch or bed depending on your age/preference. and you can always talk about yourself. but keep it self deprocating and funny. at least its not her ex also it is likely what you are afraid you will regret doing with her is what she wants to do with you. and she will go do with her ex because you are apparently not catching the hints, or are just purposely ignoring them. now the key maneuver here is that she made that little speach. trust me fellah, the ex heard the same little speach. she is trying to find out who likes her. if you dont react, she is back with her ex, and his sexual advantages. if you react, and "fight for her" affection she will know you care and let go of the past. she does not want to give him up till she knows/thinks she has you to care for her. it sounds even though i have very little info here to go on. she has an abused woman personality profile. she is thinking of going back to an ass when the nice guy is in front of her. she smokes more than a little to numb her self. being flighty as you say makes me think she was walls up and is all over the place. one day making long term plans with you like "next summer we are gonna have to do this again" and the next making sure not to call you a boyfriend. to distance herself title wise, or ownership wise. I know it is awfully bold of me to say she was abused, but something like 40% of women are. so if it is as a child, or by the ex, it is something you need to be aware of. sensative to. I have been involved with a large number of abused women, and i can tell you they are hard to deal with at times, but they also have a great gift to offer if you are patient enough. also, dont you think she sensed in you that you were holding back, and weary of her. this isnt flag football buddy. If some other guy is carying your ball towards the endzone tackle the b*stard. and dont just stick to running plays. you have to take risks, open up the field. recivers dont catch touchdown bombs without raising their arms an exposing their ribs. you may get hurt, so what you will never really apreciate what you do have untill you take a few hard hits DISCLAIMOR: this advice comes from a guy that is dating a pot smoking cigarette smoking rape survivor. and I have been at the office since 730am, its now 5am. and has worked these 21.5 hours on 2 hours sleep, on 0 hours sleep and a 3 day drunken weekend before that. so get out your salt shaker. this took me a long time to write. PEACE
