When dating becomes intimate (sex), when should a couple consider themselves boyfriend and girlfriend? I’ve been with a girl that I’m in love with for a year and a half. I just found out she hooked up with a guy three months after we became intimate. It was a one time thing and she hid it from me until yesterday. We were about 5 months into the relationship when we started using the love word. In her view, we weren’t gf and bf until that 5 month profession, therefore the relationship was not serious. I think relationships are about monogamy. Especially the moment the relationship becomes intimate. You are bf and gf at that point. She came clean on this because she wants no secrets between us. She also came clean because this guy was about to run into us at the house we were staying at this past weekend.
If its not expressed that you are in an exclusive relationship, you can do whatever the eff you want.
I gotta agree here. It depends how the relationship was communicated between you two at that point (3 months in). If you expressed to each other and to everyone else that you were ACTUALLY exclusive, and not just acting like it, then maybe it would be an issue. But if you only thought to yourself that it should've been that way, maybe she wasn't on the same page yet. In which case, I would think its not a relationship-breaker. To each his own though.
drop a bomb on her pooper... (I figured I would be the first to say it) If she's not faithful, it would be tough for me to go on with her. The trust is broken...
Only you can decide whether you can forgive it or not. Take all the time you need. Don't let anybody else influence your decision. If you can't let it go, its just going to eat at you until you snap at her.
i thought this was a poop thread, but anyway... if she felt the need to bring it up with you after this long, she likely thinks you're worth it. just let it go if you love her. she is planning to have you around for a while. if she thought you'd be out the door in the near future, there'd be no point in telling you, so consider it a good thing that she wants to be 100% honest. i'd say just make sure you let her know it bothers you, you're allowed to be pissed off for a bit, but then make sure she knows you won't put up with it if it happens again. then make her "prove" she loves you and only you now...
Because it wasn't clear what the status was, if you are able, try and let it go. However, if you are dating even if it isn't exclusively, then I think it's common courtesy to tell the other if you are sleeping around. Because of the risks involved today the other person needs to know. And if the two of you aren't exclusive it shouldn't be a problem to let the other person know.
Honestly, we can't tell you what to make of it because it's not about the label of BF/GF. It's about how things had progressed to that 3 month point. If it was clear that you two were "together" and she still let some dude lay the pipe, that's a bad sign. However, if things were not clearly monogamous in your opinion, then you can't expect her to think they were either. Had she had suddenly told you about this for no apparent reason, I'd say be thankful that she cleared the air and just move forward. The fact that she told you because you're about to bump into the guy over the weekend...that gives me pause. Just try and take the love blinders off, and use your best judgment.
So, she would've not told you about this if she knew that she wouldn't have crossed paths with this guy? This concerns me the most.
I'm trying to see where this would be a big deal but I just cannot find anyplace where I would make a big deal about it.
First of all, don't get it twisted....she did not come clean because she wanted no secrets.....she came clean because this guys was gonna meet you guys up, and she didn't want any awkward situations. Second, if the exclusivity was never made clear, and you've never had any reasons to doubt her trust and faithfulness SINCE you guys became exclusive, I wouldn't get mad at her. That's not to say I wouldn't take a second to digest the information (take all the time you need on this.....you need to know if you can truly look past it), but I wouldn't get ANGRY about it. But seriously take some time and think about how you truly feel about it, and then, and only then make your decision as to whether you want to stay in the relationship.
