Before I begin, I'm not really too interested in smart ass replies from anyone. I kind of have a tough situation in front of me, girl I been dating for over a year is pretty pissed with me about this. I was talking to a buddy on gchat yesterday about a girl I was chatting to at the mall who was pretty hot. I mentioned that I said a few words to her and than she had to leave and that I can't be too dissapointed since I shouldn't be chit chatting with girls anways and put "LOL" and the end. I also mentioned that working near the mall is brutal since there's so many good looking women. I have a gf for over a year now so I wouldn't have taken that small talk any further, and would not even cross my mind to try to hook up with her cuz I care enough about my gf and am happy with her. But as you know, guys talk and we say stuff like "yah she was pretty damn fine". Well, I left and didn't close my gmail, my buddy replies like 3 hours later and the chat log appears pops back up on the screen, unfortuantly right in time for my gf to walk in and use the computer. She reads the whole log between me and my buddy and now won't talk to me, and says these are signs i'm getting tired of the relationship and I will eventually cheat on her. It's really just crazy, all i did was small talk with someone at the mall who happened to be standing next to me, then mentioned to a buddy. She's really upset and wants to think this relationship over, saying she's not sure she wants to be in this anymore because she's afraid of getting hurt. What do i do???
You didn't do anything wrong. Post pictures of your girlfriend and we can give you more qualified advice.
I don't see where you did anything wrong. Everyone talks to members of the opposite sex from time to time while in a relationship - and it's not a crime for you to find someone attractive. You didn't act on it, and even moreso, in a private conversation with your friend you weren't even a typical boastful guy saying stuff like "Yeah I want to **** her" or some other crap. But she read through a private conversation that wasn't meant for her, and she knew it. Her lack of respect for your privacy is far worse than what you did, considering you didn't actually do anything. She probably went through the rest of your e-mails too, if she had the chance.
You have to seize the power back. Apologize to her but quickly explain that you are happy in the relationship and that is just how guys talk. Leave it at that. If she can't get over it quickly you tell her that you are having second thoughts about being with someone who is jealous and who overreacts. Let that simmer for a while. If she decides not to forgive you then you're better off because you were probably in for years of her being suspicious and untrusting of you.
If you're under 20, that's what being young is about. Cheating is bad karma. So if you're thinking about exploring options, be honest and break up first.
I'm 29, I've done all the exploring I need to. I really want to settle down with her. Nothing I said last night changed her mind.
What are your ages? How serious IS this relationship? Marriage in the future? Family? Kids? Mingled finances, living together, etc? Or is this one that you don't see as lasting forever? A lot of what you should do depends on the context of your actual relationship. If it is possible to sit down and have a mature conversation with her as an adult, then you will need to explain to her that being in a relationship does not mean that you have to turn that part of yourself off that jokes around and BS's with your buddies. It also does not mean that you have to be a eunuch, and that it's perfectly all right for you to retain your ability to think other women are attractive, and to comment about it. Have you given her any reason to mistrust you before? Have you cheated on her before this incident? If yes, then she may have a point. If no, then this is really about her insecurity, and then you have to decide if that insecurity is something you are prepared to live with, because that particular 'jealousy' personality trait seldom changes much over time. Having said all that, however, that is a tough spot you're in, but at least you know it is your own fault for being careless, and perhaps for being maybe a bit too loose with your joking around with your buddy. Try asking her if she ever sees an attractive guy at all during her time away from you. If she's honest, she will say yes. Then ask her if that means that her first thought is to cheat on you with the guy. She will say no, of course not. Well then, explain to her it is no different at all, so why should she automatically assume that is the first thing on YOUR mind? Sometimes these things can serve a useful purpose, to possibly help break women out of that stereotypical image they have of men. We are not ALL total horndogs.
She does live with me already, we are both 29. We have talked about marriage and kids. Been together over a year now. She pretty much left it as that, that she needs time to think about things and we will discuss later. She did mention a guy talking to her in line once that was cute but she doesnt think it's the same because she didn't initiate the conversation and I did (with the intentions to hook up with her from what she says). Frankly I would be mad too if I saw a log from her like that but at the same time, that's her speaking freely with her friends about stuff that would hurt my feelings so I would totally understand, as long as she didn't actually hook up with the guy but i guess it's easy to say when it hasn't happened to me yet.
there is a lot of other info that seems to be needed, e.g. why does she feel you have been giving up? Has there been trust issues before? etc etc If, and its a big if, you really just mentioning talking to a hot girl then there isnt anything really wrong (assuming your paths just crossed and you didnt go out of you way to strike up a convo). However, even though it wasnt necessarily wrong, that doesnt mean it wont hurt her feelings. If the roles were reversed, and you heard her talking to some super hot guy (or worse, the thadeus), how would that make you feel? Her ego has been hit. The price of that is a nice dinner, probably some flowers, confess your love (if true) and apologize.
chances are, shes projecting the fact you having got her a ring yet onto this issue. However, as a 29 year old man, you should know better to not mention if other girls are hot...in writing. Keep those comments to guy time at the bar or something.
Most rational well-adjusted women understand that this is just how us guys talk to each other. If this is truly all that happened, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone this needy and insecure?
