So one of my cinematographers is really young 24. His gf of 2 years - out of character - suddenly started demanding he commits and they move into a house together and agree to have a family in the future. He said he's not against it but he's nowhere near ready as far as maturity and money and where he is in his career (his career is just started to pop). He also recognizes that they were both raised by single moms, left by dead beat dads and that their childhood experiences could be affecting them both. Fast forward a week, she tries again. He says they should build together since they're both not in a great place financially. She gets mad and reveals she's been pregnant 4 months. He freaks the f*ck out with the added bonus they are now in a country where it's HIGHLY ILLEGAL to get pregnant out of wedlock. She can't give birth here or go for checkups. She has to go give birth elsewhere and then come back married or divorced. People do this all time here but it costs money which they don't have. Anyways, she tells him she's taking the kids and raising it with her family. He freaks out more. He can't take care of a baby and his child is being taken away to be fatherless like him. He's so shattered this guy. His whole life he's trying to not be like his dead beat dad. He's a good guy. Btw she's an awesome person and this whole thing is SO out of character for her > she's a hardworking entrepreneur, very sweet person, she loves him. My instinct is she's made a massive mistake because she's scared and took advice from her crazy ass man-hating mom. I don't know what advice to give this guy. Does he just give up and say take the baby? Does he try to reason with her while she's semi-manic? He wants a kid under the right circumstances but he feels like this is a disaster and that no one is thinking about what's best for the kid. He kind of feels like it's so ****ed she didn't tell him for 4 months and now his kid is basically being held hostage. He feels like this is so not like her, he loves her very much. Very much in shock. ****ing life man. Any advice or well wishes or jokes highly appreciated.
Is it really his kid? That’s pretty tough to deal with at any age and super messed up on her part. Seems like she’s just leading back to her childhood and it’s normal. I would try to reason it out and say let’s make it work together. Talk it out & see what else needs to be done. He will have a rough year either way / stressing.
I wish them 2 well .....IMHO if the support system (wealthy and sensible parents) is not intact it is extremely tough. From an objective standpoint, you have to first and foremost shift the focus onto the most vulnerable human being here- that is the baby. So the tough way for the male cinematographer is to get his shet together and become good at his craft and make a decent income. Then support your kid and hopefully the female comes around. It is hard enough to make the situation work, and then still hold the love relationship together, I just do not see it unfortunately, hope the best though. Conclusion: He is still 24...He has like decades to fix that relationship with his daughter/Son.
Is this the character motivation for the new Back to the Future trilogy that comes out in a few years? Really, though, if they love each other and want to stay out of jail, three choices: They're going to have to leave and loophole around the draconian government rules. They're going to have to leave and get an abortion (I'm assuming it's illegal there). Honestly, this is probably going to **** up their relationship but it's probably the fastest 'solution'. They need to find a doctor ASAP who will 'play ball' and hide the fact that the kid has been concepted, do a private birth and then call it 'premature' or hide the kid for a few months and declare a later birth date. Fraught with danger. This is a time sensitive issue since that fetus isn't going to stop growing. The emotions and lack of rationality is completely rational because pregnant females instinctively shift to that 'baby is everything' mode. Your guy's fear is rational too. It's scary to have a kid, and then it's compounded by being young and living in a country that is dominated by religious laws. The first step is to realize that it's over but the crying. Snap the **** out of it and act. I think they'll end up leaving. It's too bad about his career but communication with customers helps tremendously. They will both recover, they're young and bright.
Just try to be peaceful and supportive until the baby is born, then call that country's version of the Maury show to get this all straightened out. Don't go to their version of Steve Wilkos because he'll probably just yell at them and that doesn't seem appropriate. It's a shame this isn't happening in the USA because if it was, it would be perfect for the new show "America, This is Your Country" on Netflix (although that might already be cancelled afaik).
This is a really difficult situation and I’m not sure how valuable advice from people on the internet that you and the couple don’t really know. Also that we don’t really know the couple. Since you asked here is my advice. The woman is going to have to leave the country and the sooner the better. my admitted limited understanding of the UAE is that the penalties facing her could be very harsh. If she and he are imprisoned, heavily fined and ultimately deported anyway from there it won’t help them or their child. I don’t know what the abortion laws are in the UAE but I guess it is either illegal or hard to obtain. At four months it is likely too late for abortion drugs. As someone who personally does wrestle with the moral questions of abortion my own view would be to go through with the pregnancy but I’m not going to to pretend that things will be easy for both of them. Given they both are young with promising careers it is going to be very hard on their future development. It would be best for the child to have both parents with them in their life but understand also that career success will help the child a lot. They might need to work out raising the child in the country of one of their parents for the first few years and then if they can trust the grandparents or other family members returning to work in the UAE to earn money to send back home or if possible bringing the child with them. Not going to say this will be easy or ideal. These are all tough choices. Something I’ve been saying a lot recently is that decisions like these have to come down to personal values. Your young friend has to ask himself what it is he values the most. You cant answer that and certainly some randos on the internet can’t. Only he can. One thing you can do as a friend and mentor. Is if he is someone who you care about and believe is to offer to help and support him through friendship, professionally and financially if you can.
Cut the baby in half. He gets to at least be half a father. And the mother, under the unforgiving law, would not have a full baby out of wedlock, She would only have half a baby. It's a loophole, but it has teeth.
He better make 100% sure before he makes plans I don't care how sure he is she would never cheat . . .. MAKE SURE Never guess when you can be 99.99% Sure If he is married or sign the certificate at birth He maybe on the hook . . . even if it is later revealed to not be his Rocket River
I gotta agree with you. They like each other and have a baby together. Other arrangements are far from ideal and criminally risky. Shotgun wedding is maybe not what you hoped for, but the best solution available. Plan might include some foreign travel to launder the pregnancy, which makes everything more expensive. Alternative, though, is losing your girlfriend and your child.
If the out of wedlock laws are loosened with shotgun weddings, then get one and gamble on the government not ripping the family apart. No contraception was an ignorant move. They're not ready but when were people in arranged marriages ready? They'll need to rely heavily on family to smooth some bumps. It would also help the kid's future for them to come clean with all of their trauma asap and read into not passing it down. Professional and religious couples therapy, if it exists, or some support group will help them understand adult responsibilities outside of their flawed parents they're now dependant upon. It's more doable than illegally crossing to a new country and starting a new life. I don't want to think heavily about midterm abortions. A messy miscarriage could also have consequences down the line when she's older and more ready. Or they can ask Jalen Green to be the daddy.
