How do you handle getting taken for granted? I just got off the phone with a friend that this is an issue with. When his first marriage failed, I counseled with him as a friend many times. I was best man in his second wedding. When his second marriage failed, I welcomed him into my home for the first few days and later gave him a bed to sleep on when he moved into a new place. We have daughters the same age. I have kept his daughter for the weekend when he had to work a trade show. She's spent the night on numerous occasions when he had social plans. A few years later, circa 2007, I lent him $1500 when he got in a tight spot. He's paid me back about $500 of what he owes me and nothing in the last year or so. Just now we were on the phone talking about doing some joint work and he told me that he prefers to go in another direction to expand his professional "network." To be fair to him, I would be pullilng him away from an existing relationship that has been unproductive for him-- I mean ZERO. He's told me that. Now is the time to do it IMHO. I feel like sending him a note: "Nice to know the value of my friendship; send me a GRAND!" Compared to our 25 year history, this other person is a virtual stranger. Why do people display more loyalty to a virtual stranger than to a "lifelong" friend?
always tough mixing business with friendships. also realize that a lot of people simply don't like to fire someone (his existing relationship). Just take the high road on this one and good for you for being there when a friend needs it.
i dont know i am of a different breed friendship goes a long way with me 1500 dollars is a lot of money i dont know what the issue is with the business venture but a friendship to me especially one of the length you are saying is irreplaceable part of being a good friend is being taken for granted and not worrying about it
Sounds like a sad situation, sir. Did you tell him all this you're telling us, or did you think about all of it and then typed it here? If you said all this to him, and he still doesn't get it, I don't see there's much you can do. Otherwise, say it to him calmly, and he might just get it. Count to 10. Take a deep breath. Talk to him in a friendly way, but be precise and stern about what you mean to say and hopefully it all comes out properly and makes a dent, at least. If he learns "the hard way", he will still come back to you because he knows how much you've helped him and more than likely he won't admit "you know what, giddy, you were right, I was wrong, man", but at least you'll know you tried the right thing for you and him. Good luck.
The preciousness of longevity has lost its value in today's society. Work, marriage, ownership, and now, it seems, friendships. The times still are a changing. -
Sorry to hear that man. Has he always been like this throughout your 25 years of friendship? I agree with Swoly. If that doesn't work, I say break up with him. Or just ignore him and don't do anything nice for him anymore. Just say you're busy or you have lots of stuff on your hands and the relationship will slowly drift and you'll be free. Like a bird. Nelly Furtado.
From someone who habitually takes giving women for granted (and even regrets it sometimes) lemme tell you. That dude won't change. He may feel bad at some point. He wont change. Not for you. Drop that bro.
He sounds like a p***y. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/P9yaam0p_BA&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/P9yaam0p_BA&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
LOL! Nelly Furtado. Nice. I would disagree with this. Once a friend acted silly while drunk (not you, MoBalls, another drunk friend ) and I told him in our "language" of bros that he was acting like a dummy, and he said: "oh, crap, really? Dang. I didn't know. All right." So we sort of figured out a way to tell if each other was acting like a dummy and it's been even cooler ever since. As MEN, we probably will never admit we were wrong with anything, but we have our own way of learning things. I think your friend may even "enjoy" being wrong and having you help him out... maybe that's how it works... but it seems that clearly you think it's not right. Just let him know you're getting a raw deal here out of the friendship, I guess...? Would that make it fair to him? Maybe.
I don't know. I would think that he would want to help you out and all, but as an adult, he is still free to make his own decisions. You loaned him $1500 as a friend, and I am assuming there were no string attached except that he pay you back. As a friend, you have every right to ask him to join in a venture, but I'm not so sure he should be or feel obligated to join you. What if this really pans out for him? I know you said it is unproductive for him, but maybe he has some insight into the situation that he hasn't told you about. Be a good friend, which it sounds like you have been. Don't let him take advantage of you though. Probably a good idea to keep your business and friendship separate.
I was just on the phone with him and it made me hot under the collar. The thought flashed through my mind to send him an email telling him of my frustration and disappointment. I decided to cool off and see if CF.com had any good ideas. He would probably be crushed if he knew how I felt about it. He asked me a couple of years ago if I thought he was taking advantage of me about the money owed. I told him "No" because I knew he was still having money issues... he still is which is why I have not brought it up since that long ago conversation. I don't want to harm the friendship but I do want to find a way to give it a wake-up call. Our girls are friends-- not good friends; we live about 45 minutes apart but we do birthday parties and occasional overnights. I've watched him spend that thousand he owes me on a part-time staffer that did nothing for him; he did that for 6-8 months. In the last six months, he's gotten a new computer and a new car... but no bucks for giddyup! The business deal was just to get him to switch a contract from one agent with whom he has ZERO production in three years to me where we have some very specific ideas about how to go to work on it. Just a month ago he was pining that it would be nice if we could do some joint work together using this very same company. He could earn me overrides which would be one way to pay me back.... If I had asked him a couple of weeks ago, we could probably have gotten it done but since his remark a month ago and this morning, he has reached back out to the other GA and he doesn't feel like backing off from that. I'm thinking: "what about all that stuff I've done for you? Is that not worth way more? I know that she's done nothing like that." I've only thought it and not said it.
^ That's good to hear. I wouldn't recommend this. I would suggest to talk to him face to face, so you can explain more thoroughly. Meet him in a public place so there's no confrontation or defensive stances on either end. Again. Good luck, sir. Tsk! [my hair shakes] Giddy up...
