Engineers with too much time on their hands... Conversion Factors : 1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1bananosecond 5. Weight an evangelist carries with God =1 billigram 6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong 7. 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer =1 Lite year 8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling 9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon 10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz 11. Basic unit of laryngitis - 1 hoarsepower 12. Shortest distance between two jokes - a straight line 13. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake 14. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone 15. 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle 16. 365 days = 1 unicycle 17. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds 18. 10 cards = 1 decacard 19. 52 cards = 1 deckacard 20. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton 21. 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen 22. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche 23. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin 24. 10 rations = 1 decaration 25. 100 rations = 1 C-Ration 26. 2 monograms = 1 diagram 27. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms 28. 5 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = One I.V. League
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona: 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU. 8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS. 9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO. 10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES. WELL DONE - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.
There was this man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a lot of things that took two arms. One day he could not stand it anymore. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a tall building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man on the sidewalk below skipping along whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and noticed this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life. He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly, useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he now knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could do it with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again. He asked "Why are you so happy anyway?" He said "I'm NOT happy; my ass itches."
