[Friend's Wife is Nuts] Friend Got Married

So here's a story that transpired over the last 5 months and has hit a boiling point since then (hell the last 5 months may damn well be considered a boiling point). Just a warning, it's long but worth the read. My friend married on Saturday, the girl he's been with for 4 years now. A girl who is absolutely, bat-**** crazy and is doing nothing but ruining his life. His family can't stand her. His friends can't stand her. Women who meet her can't stand her within 5 minutes of talking to her. The girl is as toxic as women get. Not attractive, and her personality even less-so. I was asked to be the best man at his wedding because we have been friends for a while, even though I have tried twice to break this thing apart (once with 3 of his other friends who both thought she was walking all over him, and again after he proposed when she publically called out me and all of his friends). I'll keep it to the good points, and then the final point later.

1) The Engagement. He asked her to marry him, much to the dismay of all of his close friends and relatives. They all know how horrible of a person she is (lazy, rude (how rude? Openly saying my friend was not well endowed in front of everyone at a bar rude), can't hold a job, untidy, mean, jealous, controlling, bipolar). He goes through with it nonetheless and asks me to be his best man. I agree, and tell him that whatever makes him happy is all I really care about.

2) The Insecurity. He tells me not to mention the wedding to any of my close friends who he does not want coming because he wants to keep the wedding small. Which I'm fine with I guess, but still perturbed in the fashion which he says this. During this moment, she is telling some women she just met (friends of mine) how if any woman shows up at her wedding looking better than her, she is going to throw her ass out and she means it. No I'm not kidding.

3a) The Rules. They have a dinner for the families of both the bride and groom as well as myself to be included for everyone to get to know each other, this is at Pappasitos. I'm pretty open to whatever, so I talked it up with her parents who seemed like nice people. They hand out wedding itineraries that show what everyone's tasks are going to be. Then at the end they have pictures of the attire men and women are not to bearing. At this point, it is made aware to me that there is a dress code at this wedding and that women were to not wear short dresses above fingertip level. If they see any women not wearing proper attire, they will be shown the door. It was then also made aware to me that no one was allowed to bring dates to this thing unless they were approved of first. There was also not going to be alcohol at this thing, nor a DJ. I'm both confused, upset, and humored all at once.

3b) The Stripper Ultimatum. After the dinner my friend invites me over to see his new keyboard he bought, and she decides to ride back with me which I'm fine with. She then proceeds to ask me about the bachelor party, and if there will or will not be strippers there. It doesn't matter she says, but she prefers there to not be. I tell her that if it doesn't matter, why is she bringing it up. She says she's concerned of what will happen if there is a stripper there, and has self confidence issues. I tell her that it really isn't up to her and that she should trust him a little better than that. My friend comes out of his apartment after dropping her off and reiterates to me that he didnt want a stripper there because it will "save us money". I told him it wasn't a question of money, at which point he simply said "I don't want a stripper there". Fair enough. The bachelor party had already been planned at this point, we were going to take him to Austin unknowingly and go to the Yellow Rose (gentleman's club). Everyone loved the idea, and I planned on still going through with it seeing as he said no "stripper". Nothing of strip clubs.

4) The Note. On facebook you can write a note about how your feeling, politics, or whatever. I guess me not giving a damn about her feelings for strippers caused this outcry, or it was just her being completely nuts. She writes a ridiculously long note about how nothing goes the way she ever wants, that no one ever does what she wants to do, that she always goes out with his friends and does what they want to do, that she's tired of his dad who opposes the wedding, tired of people who complain all the time, tired of his best friend who goes out and gets drunk and oggles women he has no chance of getting (me), that she can't stand seeing all these undeserving people getting everything that she deserves, etc etc etc. My friend texts me, that I need to read this thing. I do and am appalled at not only her calling me out in it, but insulting so many other people as well. It's time for some action.

5) The Talk. I sit him down, note printed out, and throw it in his face. Asking him what this was all about. He tries to play dumb and act like he knew nothing of it, but finally saw that there was no way out of it. Explained that it was just a hiccup, and that she was just stressed about the wedding. I proceed to tell him that his is not what bridezillas do, this is a personal and political attack on pretty much everyone and its completely unacceptable. Told him that as of this point, there is zero chance of me and her ever coexisting as friends or anything of that sort. She attacked me, attacked my friends, and insulted everything as much as she could just to try to get people to feel sorry for her. This is going to be a problem, and it's not going to get better soon.

6a) The Bachelor Party. We still go through with the Austin trip and take him to Austin. At this point, I'm kind of talking to a girl I met a few weeks back. Completely cool chick, possiblity of a relationship but wasn't rushing into anything. The importance of this will be stressed later. We get to Austin, my friends meet us there at our hotel (7 of us total from Houston) and are ready to get to the Gentleman's Club. He finds out where we are going, freaks out, and asks me if its true. I say yes. He says that we had talked about this, and no strip clubs was the rule. I reply that he said no stripper, nothing of strip clubs but if he was uncomfortable, we could go to 6th street instead. So he agrees with the new idea, and I have to tell everyone who are on their way to their cars that we can not go forth with the plan because the groom is not comfortable. So we go to 6th Street. He proceeds to be careful not to take any pictures with scantily dressed women or anything of the sort. We all grow ever more dissapointed.

6b) The Phone Bill. We get back from 6th Street and he is wasted. We take his phone from him as he tries to drunk dial her (does so sucessfully and me and another friend can hear her crying loudly on the other end of the line) and tell him we're taking his phone so as to not drunk dial her. We go to iHop. The next day I use his phone to call T-Mobile, as my phone wasn't working right. During this 30 minute phone call, he gets 3 texts from her, and so uncomfortable is he with my using his phone, gets up and dials her from the hotel line. Wow. We go out once more to 6th street and wake up the next morning to find a 216.00 phone bill on our room charges. He had called her 6 times from the hotel, racking up that tab. I'm furious. He tries to deny it, telling me he had only called her once or twice. But clearly, on the bill was her number, which I read out loud to him, and those were the charges. Luckily the front desk clerk reduced it by half so he only had to pay 108, but the audacity to think nothing of it on his part really put me over the edge. We get back home and she is waiting for him outside when we pull in Sunday morning. He thanks us all for a "bachelor party he wont forget" and we leave.

7) The Double Date. That following Monday, he texts me that he wants to go on a double date to meet this new girl that I had been seeing. I didn't particularly want to, but my girl said that I needed to not alienate him and we proceeded to go. The three of us make conversation and talk, while his girl stood there silently, as if she'd rather be anywhere else in the world but there. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and unnecessary.

8) The Rehearsal Dinner. This happened on Friday. They hold a rehearsal dinner at Saltgrass Steakhouse, which I was required to go to. Apparently he wanted to get together with all of us (the groomsmen) after the dinner and I had forgotten, not that it mattered because it was my little sister's birthday party that day and I wasn't going to be able to go anyway. During the dinner they hand out thank you gifts to which he said "These are for everyone as thank yous for your help" and she followed with "...and anyone who doesn't appreciate them can go to hell". He looks at her, she proceeds to yell at him that she doesn't feel good, slams the bag of presents down on the ground and storms out of the restaurant. I say nothing, do nothing. We finish up dinner, thank his dad for picking up the entire tab (her family as well as his, and his friends) and tell them that I'll see them at the wedding.

9a) The Denial. They had space set apart for my family at the wedding (expecting roughly 80 people) and my mom tells me that morning that they didn't want to take my little brother. He's 7, and wouldn't have wanted to go. So she asks if I could ask my friend if he would let us take my little sister's boyfriend. I say that shouldn't be too much of a problem, and call him up and ask. He says "probably not, we want to keep it to people we know". I tell him fine, and let my mom know that he denied the request. I proceed to drive to his apartment to get ready.

9b) The Talk 2. He is visibly annoyed when I got there, and thinking that it was his wedding day, he was just stressed about the weddding. I eat my Wendy's and go in the room to change. He follows me in there and needs to talk to me, he says. He then proceeds to tell me how unhappy he was at how I didn't seem to be helping at all with the wedding, that I was unappreciative of the things they were going through for me, that I was not treating it with the importance I should have. He then proceeds to tell me how he did me a favor by "allowing" my girl to come to the wedding, and that the double date was essentially put in place simply so that he could justify her being there since they didn't know her. Essentially what he is telling me is that he is doing me a favor by letting her be there, and his idea for the double date was only so they they both could meet her and make sure she was acceptable to include in their wedding. All this, and I was being unappreciative. I remained as calm as I could and didn't lash out at him, being his wedding day and all, and just said ok that's fine, etc.

9c) The Wedding. The wedding goes through, there are less people then I even thought. They get married, everything goes smoothly, and I give my best man speech which was a highlight. Everyone commented me on a great speech (which was countered by her younger sister's maid of honor speech of "uhhh I didnt plan a speech because I was so busy but uhh...love ya'll and cheers"). I decorate their car during the wedding, dance and pretty much do everything I can to help the thing go smoothly. The night ends, we all go to Baker St. in Sugarland Town Square after for drinks. And that's it.

So he's on his honeymoon right now. This is my best friend since high school pretty much, and I'm uncertain what I should tell him when he gets back. The double date screening of my girlfriend was absolutely ridiculous, and something that I can't even fathom someone doing under even the most extreme circumstances. I pretty much bit my lip the whole time, save for the talk we had when she wrote the note about me, but I have no idea what I should tell him, or if I should tell him anything when he does get back. At this point, I really don't care if I lose his friendship or not, because I don't think friends do this sort of thing anyway. He's letting himself be completely controlled by her, and I'm looking like the bad guy. I just want to know if I should bring up anything at all after he gets back, and if I should have said something when he confronted me the day of his wedding about not being reliable and being unappreciative. Long story I know, but I really just needed to get that one out there.