I played high school football at a private school in Houston. I would say I was okay. Not great, but a decent overall player. I was lucky enough to make All-District my senior year. This story comes from my sophomore year though. We were bad. Really bad. I made varsity as a sophomore and was a starter immediately. I think as a team, there were about 9 or 10 sophomores starting. We had a running back that was so roided out that he would rather run over a gut on the five yard lline than just take a step to the right and score a touchdown, we had a line that wouldn't block, a fullback that couldn't run, absolutely no receivers, an entire defense that couldn't tackle, and a sophomore starting at QB. Very bad mixture for success. This particular game we were playing Wharton. We were 0-4 at this point in the season. They came to our stadium. They had this huge fat guy that wore #99. Dude was like 6'4" and weighed 315. I was playing defensive end that game. He is the strong side tackle. He weighs 90 pounds more than me and will line up against me every play. I'm a little scared sophomore. So the game starts. We kickoff. First play from scrimmage, I hit the fat dude. Fear is gone, but he is still one fat guy and is hard to move. They score first drive. "Here we go again" everyone thought. The running back just broke out for a 50 yard run. The game plays on. It is the third quarter. Down 7-0. It is a really hard fought game. I am exhausted as can be. It shows on a play I just get hit off the line hard. I probably get pushed back 5-7 yards. I shed my blocker and see the QB get hit as he is throwing. Perfect, clean, hit. Our other D end was the only capable player we had on defense. The ball is up in the air . . . It's wobbling around . . . Everyone looks up . . . Somehow the ball lands in my hands . . . "Oh crap" I start sprinting the other way. 25 yards to goal. Look over my shoulder, fast guys coming. 15 yards to goal. Getting tired. 5 yards to goal. Fast guys about to grab me . . . I then did what I thought was a graceful dive into the endzone, but we'll get to that later. I get up and everyone comes running and slapping my helmet and saying "I've never seen a fat man run so fast." I am extremely exhausted. I look around and blow some terrible chunks through my facemask. It was red gatorade and a roasted chicken sub from Subway. Not a good combo. Then I hear a whistle. The play gets called back. They said the quarterback was already down when he threw the ball. All that for nothing. We end up scoring in the third to make it 7-6. Our kicker sucked. It's the end of the fourth. Thirteen seconds left in the game. Our kicker makes a 30 yard field goal somehow. He really sucked usually. We go up 9-7. We kickoff with seven seconds left. The first guy gets the ball then laterals it, second guy laterals it, third guys laterals it. It seems like they must have done that 6 or 7 times. They get to our 30! Then the lateral for the game goes to big ol 99. That fat SOB shed three tacklers. On about the 15 yard line, one of our cornerbacks got under his legs and had to take him falling on him. Clock expired. We win. We had this deal where if you run back a TD on defense, our D coordinator buys you a steak dinner. We are watching the film. The quarterback got hit as he was throwing, just like we thought. The ref had accidentally blown his whistle. Worst call ever. I didn't get my steak, just a bunch of barf inside my facemask. My dive was not graceful at all. It was more like a flop into the endzone. Like I tripped or just plain belly flopped. Wharton's coach was in the paper the next year before we played them again in Wharton. He was quoted saying "we lost to the worst team in Texas last year." Our coach put that on the front page of our scouting report. We were good that year and beat them by 2 again, 38-36. I hung the front page of the scouting report on the entrance to their coaches' office. We went to stae that year.
were those chuck jelly like??? or shall i say that they were in a jelafied state? did you do a dance after you blew chunks?
So what happened? Did she kiss you? What did your friend Kevin think of all this after he found out the truth?
I liked the story. Pretty good for a fat guy. I'll give it 4½ jelafieds. NOT Hispanic? Roby was an awesome punter, FYI.
Its a game where people try to kick thier own balls... the trick is to have small legs and elephantitis.
Is this what happens when the Hangout is boring? Thanks for mentioning the chunks part...I almost lost my lunch.
Yeah I know, but I'm sure you have some interesting things that happened in the past you could always post.. I enjoyed reading this one, but the craigslist one was golden..
This one was hard for me. I knew before I hit post it was going to be the weakest. I'll try again next week . . . . Wheter you like it or not.
