For those that have been divorced or know someone who has....

You left out what I think is probably the most common - kids finally left home (i.e. a bad relationship that lingered until the timing just became right). And there are also a whole bunch of other ones you left out like one spouse was physically or emotionally abusive, or the couple was fighting all the time, etc.

My wife has a friend who is in the process of divorcing her husband because he refused to quit playing video games. Really.

At least that was the precipitating declared factor. I'm sure the video game problem probably speaks to 1,000 other issues about things like being willing to change behavior for the spouse (or being willing to accept behavior that you don't like in your spouce). Breaking it down to one final factor is probably a bit simplistic.

 

My parents, they were both immigrants from different, solidly third world countries who met in school. They were both strong willed people, but one was more successful, abrasive and aloof and the other one was bitter, paranoid, despised and openly mocked the spouse's relatives/background to us kids and was consistently violent. I guess it's kind of funny when you learn what a divorce is as a kid and realize, almost instantly, that your parents need one. Mutual resentment and acrimony that only worsened and finally peaked the second time around.

 

my mom became americanized, realized she didn't have to live the typical asian wife role. that, and having an overbearing mother in law. even i understood why my mom couldn't stand my grandmother, i can barely stand her myself.

 

It blows my mind that an ADULT MALE can actually lose his marriage over something as trivial as video games.

Look, I have a PS3. I love playing Madden. I love playing NCAA Football. And most of all, I LOVE playing GTA (still trying to get to 100% on GTA IV).

But you have to be smart about it. Don't play instead of having sex with your wife. Wait until afterwards, then sneak out of bed to play after she falls asleep.

Think, people. Think.

 

I think most younger couples just grew up and realized that the other person wasn't for them.

 

How many times can I vote?

I know lots of divorced people. Probably 3/4 of my friends have been divorced at least once. The three main reasons why they got divorced, in no particular order, were infidelity, finances, and two people just becoming distant/growing apart.

 

My parents kinda separated over the years, stopped having sex and all the other little things. I think the reason for that was my dad not appreciating what my mother did every day, he just kinda ended up thinking it's a given that she cleaned everything, cooked, took care of the kids, etc. while he was a lazy ass that b****ed about everything while not doing ****. He also was slow in keeping the house up to date, barely repaired anything if it was necessary, and when he did, it was way too late.
He spent more time in front of the computer/internet than with his wife.

She ended up hooking up with somebody she met at work and kept it secret for like two years. In the end I don't blame her at all, my new step-dad is one of the greatest and upright persons I ever met and my dad was responsible for the divorce.

So all in all, I partially blame Bill Gates and the invention of internet/computers.

 

Also, growing apart should be the top answer for this poll, can't believe you left it off.

 

So weird you talk about your parents "having sex" and your mother "hooking up with somebody at work".

Just a little weird.. No offense.

 

I'm grown up and you guys don't know my parents or me in real life, so why bother? It's not that you fly to Germany and confront them.

Also, we in Germany are a bit more open about this.

 

Yes it happens frequently.

People change in their youth. I may have been 25 when I was first married, but was still emotionally stunted in many ways from my ****ed up childhood in a Christian cult.

After being divorced I was able to focus on myself again and became a lot more self-actualized. It was like being able to breathe again in a lot of ways.

Not to say it wasn't extremely painful to go through, because it was. But you focus on the positives and put your best foot forward. Not much else to do.

 

I feel like many bad marriages can be avoided if people are simply more honest with themselves and the relationship before they actually get married. Take the video game problem, for example: did he suddenly just start playing video games after they got married? Or was he always like that and thought she could deal with it? I know the bigger point is not so much the video games, but the unwillingless to change -- don't you see these types of things when you're dating? I think 80% of the reasons I hear that lead to divorce should be visible when a couple is dating. I don't honestly believe that all the bad things come out after marriage.

I still believe marriage is a status thing for many people. It's what you're "supposed" to do in our society (though decreasingly so, from what I hear). So, people rush into it or kind of just close their eyes and do it. We're not honest about the relationship or simply don't want to face the tougher things, and it's just headed for disaster from the start.

 

I agree with RMTex that there too many reasons. I voted finances because the most recent divorce that I have seen was due to finances. Both couldn't manage money and when hard times hit they couldn't maintain their marriage.

My parents though divorced amicably and remained friends. My dad even kept on living with us for a few years, although he slept in a separate room.

 

That seems to be the case with a lot of younger couples but more often it seems like it is a matter of not wanting to be alone.

 

It is true. Wasn't really honest about what was going on because its easy to get into denial. After 3 years of dating, strong Christian families expect you to **** or get off the pot.

 

you left off:

She started watching soaps and eating bon bons all day and got fat.

 

****, I don't even have to sneak. As long as I've done my wonderous duty, I'm free to do what I want.

Sadly, despite how terrible I was treated by my ex, I kept trying to make it work because I took the vow a little more seriously than she did. My only regret is not being the one to end it.

 

I think these are the primary reasons for the high divorce rate. Our culture tells us to find someone in our 20s and get married, otherwise you're almost considered some kind of weirdo.

But yeah, people are so afraid of being alone for the rest of their life that they settle down and get married for the wrong reasons.

The "status" thing primarily applies to women IMO. At some point all of their friends are getting married and their bodily instinct is to find a mate so they latch on to someone and hope for the best.

Not to pin it all on women, because I think guys can be just as guilty of just wanting to find a wife and not be alone, but I think the widespread use of birth control is really taking a toll too. I've only recently become more aware of the effects but using it over a long period of time and then coming off of it can really screw with a woman's body including her attraction toward someone.