I found this on the net. I swear the guy must have been reading my inbox when he wrote it! Here's the link: http://www.comedyzine.com/tirade189.shtml PS. Feel free to add your most hated spam stories. THE WEEKLY TIRADE By Scotty Kowall Every Monday In Comedyzine Just like death and taxes, one thing we can all expect is spam. As more people go online, more people decide to promote their business venture sending unsolicited e-mail to everyone on the web. I get countless e-mails each trying get my attention with an eye catching subject line. Here are some e-mail subject lines I recently received... Subject: Make $50,000 iN 90 Days!!! Yea right, fifty thousand dollars in 90 days. I don't think so. The uppercase "N" was their mistake not mine... Subject: !!!Lenders COMPETE for your MORTAGE Loan! Like I'm going to think, "Wow, 3 exclamation marks this must be a great way to get a mortgage." Exclamation marks go at the end of a sentence, not the beginning. This guy is too excited, maybe that is why he spelled it wrong... Subject: Guaranteed Weight Loss Program from Europe First of all there is no guaranteed weight loss program. As if people will see Europe and yell, "Ohhh a weight loss program from Europe. It's got to be good. There are no fat people in Europe." Subject: Prosaka I didn't know what that meant. After reading the e-mail I learned it was "An imported Nepalese, sensitive, pipe-smoking/stoking substance; Kathmandu Temple Kiff is the most substantial mar1juana/cannabis alternative on the planet. Absolutely Legal! Marvelously Potent!" Also known as, "'Seventh Heaven' Kathmandu Temple Kiff (tm), 'Seventh Heaven' Prosaka Tablets (tm) & 'Seventh Heaven' Gentle Ferocity Tablets (tm)" There is nothing better to enjoy a beer with than an unknown drug bought from some unknown guy. It is scary to think someone might actually buy and smoke this crap. Subject: Be An effective slouth. I assume they meant sleuth. For some reason they think I want to be another 007. They are selling software that will allow me to "spy on anyone." I don't need their software to spy. There are enough live cams on the web for my spying appetite... Subject: What I **Know** About You The e-mail explains how I can "quickly find out anything, about anyone," adding, "who knows when you'll want or need to learn the truth or find out the real dirt on someone." Hey I'm not running for political office. Probably a hot product in Washington... Subject: Viagra Is For Everyone!!! I don't need the spy software to know the guy that sent this has a problem. Why is it that whenever someone has a problem they think everyone else has that problem too? I don't need Viagra. Thank you very much. Viagra is NOT for everyone!!! It's not exactly orange juice... Subject: Re: Lovely Ladies of the (naked) NET!!!! Now, lovely ladies of the naked NET is for everyone. Unfortunately they charge quite a bit for those lovely ladies... Subject: it just doesnt get any better It doesn't get any better than lovely ladies but not for placing free advertisements as this e-mail suggests. I saw the slimy guy on television selling how to make money placing free advertisements. I didn't believe him and I don't believe this e-mail... Subject: Headache, sinus, cramps, arthritis, Pregnant? Just rub on ! No Pills !!! I have a headache but it is from all the spam I get. Sorry, no sinus, cramps, arthritis or pregnancy. The product? Peanut oil, yes they are selling peanut oil to give relief. A two ounce bottle of peanut oil for $19.00, not exactly peanuts... Subject: Hey! How 'ya been? I was great till I got this e-mail. Like a personal touch in the subject line will make me buy their "Decision Package" to learn how to make money... Subject: 83 Ways For twenty dollars I could own "83 Ways To Make and Save You Money." Pretty much everything I need to know, from selling magazines to "How to vanish and start over again under a new identity." Okay that may be useful. They would probably all find me and e-mail more spam... Reading my spam one might think I am snoopy, broke, fat, horny, impotent and have cramps, arthritis and a headache. Where do you think they got the idea I might need information on "How to vanish and start over again under a new identity?" ------------------ Save our children from the TAAS test: TAAS test report card TAAS test fact sheet [This message has been edited by Behad (edited October 10, 2000).]
Whatever that Prosaka is...put it in my pipe...I'll smoke it . I get alot of those BS e-mails myself. What about all the "earn your degree now" spam e-mails? Those are bad. ICQ has turned into spamola crapola, too. I always get these messages like "Hi. My name is Natisha. I'm from Russia. Please check out my site and let me know what you think." Of course, it's all p*rn crap where once your there you can't get out without 15 windows popping up all over the place. Or they pretend that they know you with "Hey. How ya doing?". Umm...no! Or it's just blatant, "Come check out my XXX site." . LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! MY ICQ IS WORSE THAN MY E-MAIL ACCOUNTS. ------------------
Has it gotten that bad, Surf? I haven't checked ICQ in about a year. Maybe I should look and see what has built up. Maybe even get me a nice Russian girl to replace my wife! (PS) Honey, if you are reading this, that was just a joke. Of course no one could replace you!! ------------------ Save our children from the TAAS test: TAAS test report card TAAS test fact sheet
It's the new way to telemarket, or send junk mail -- except it's easier for them because it doesn't cost them anything. Have you ever tried to 'reply' to ask them to take you off their list? My father did an experiment, and 'replied' to everyone in mailbox, to ask them to stop. About 2/3 came back to "invalid e-mail address" or "unable to deliver." I actually had one I tried to get rid of, that was using someone else's address. They (the company) responded, saying that they had nothing to do with the e-mail, and that they were considering legal action against the (yes, naked ladies) company. Sad. Very sad. ------------------ Stay Cool...
Let me pose a related question for you all: I have my regular email address associated with my ISP provider, and another internet based email address ( behad@yahoo.com ) for anytime I need to give out an email address over the net. This keeps my personal address free of spam. Anybody else do this? ------------------ Save our children from the TAAS test: TAAS test report card TAAS test fact sheet
I do the same thing as Behad - use a Hotmail account when I need to give out my email address to a company (tech support, etc.) and keep my ISP account free of spam. But I'll confess that stnce its actually much easier for me to use the hotmail account at work, I tend to use that account for sending personal email as well. Maybe I need another free account! dc, I heard somewhere that replying to the spam was a bad idea. Lets them know that the message was actually read and received, and thus they are MORE likely to send you stuff in the future. I use filters and a block sender list, but nothing really seems to help. My ICQ stays pretty clear of spam, although I do get the occasional "click here for nude girls! XXX" message. Haven't gotten the message from Natasha yet, but that's something to look forward to. ------------------
