Ove the last few weeks, I have noticed a trend in that my ex'es husband is trying to make me seem to be "wrong" in my now 4 year old son's eyes. For example, I let him play "Splinter Cell" on my cell phone in the car, and this ass-hat, Jim tells him that he can't play it. If I let him watch a show at my house, ass-hat Jim tells him that he shouldn't watch it. Most recent on this list is checkers. Every morning before I go to work, I swing by my son's daycare and play a game of checkers with him. This morning, when we were setting up the checkers, he told me that ass-hat Jim said I was wrong and that the checkers should be placed on 'reds' instead of 'black'. Well, I always tell my son that the rules in his mom's house may be different from the rules in my house, but this clown is really starting to get on my nerves. I'd love to whip his ass, but I don't need to cause any undo stress on my son. I downloaded checker rules from about 8 different sites that say that blacks are where the checkers should be placed, and I was just going to give him a printout of it and walk away. Should I just let it slide by or tell him something?
anyone watch that dennis leary series, rescue me? whip his ass, then get your brother, the policeman, to screw the guys credit up and arrest him for assaulting you.
He's definitely worthy of an ass kicking. Next time he tries pulling that crap, let him know that its your kid, not his.
If this has been an ongoing trend, I suggest you call him on it. Not sure what "legal" avenues you can take, but you can always sue for contempt of divorce, saying he is showing you in a bad light towards your son. Confront him first. If it continues, sue them. It got my ex and her husband to shut up.
Really? Wow. Seriously I don't know if 'confrontation' is the best solution, but addressing the issue with him might be. "If you and Susie exwifebitch have concerns about particular things, I would appreciate it if you'd clue me in first. Then I can address it without it appearing that you and I are in some competition, and without confusing the boy." I might leave out the exwifebitch part though.
That'd be effing hilarious. But seriously, just confront the guy without making it a confrontation. I mean just let him know politely that there are some things that you do differently in taking care of your son, and that you'd appreciate it if he didn't make it a "what's right and what's wrong" but instead a "Dad's rules and step-Dad's rules" kind of thing.
By confronting, I meant as an Adult. Along the lines of "I'd really appreciate it if you would quit correcting MY parenting with MY son. This needs to stop immediately."
I understand why you are getting upset, I would to, but the reality is that your kid is going to be influenced by a lot of people as he grows up. More than you will ever know. You can't control that. But you will always be his main influence as long as you are a part of his life. Trust me. When it all comes down, the children are smart enough to make up their own mind. And he's gonna do exactly that. The one thing that will never change is that your his dad. He knows it too. So you are always going to be one step ahead of any other dude. Trust me. If I were you, I wouldn't even let it bother me.
dude, you're awesome. i remember you and your son in my prayers a bunch. confronting the situation without being overly confrontational is probably the best approach. never a good idea to let things build up...but just mentioning to him that you would appreciate some measure of respect as your son's father would be a good thing.
I'd say an all out confrontation would hurt more than help. But a simple passing of the checkers rules to him and some statement like "Don't correct me to my son especially when I'm right" might not hurt and would make you feel better. Man I feel for you.
The high road almost always plays out best. What he's doing is probably out of his own insecurities with your son. He's probably quite aware that he's your son, not his. But it's clearly best for your son (which is the only important issue here, right?) that this man care about him. Mention to this guy that what most important is the boy, and that what he appears to be doing is inexplicable. Whether intentional or by accident, it appears to the child that he's attempting to undermine (in small ways) your relationship with your son. Remind him that you are most concerned about the boy's welfare and therefore would never consider undermining him in your child's eyes ... and that he should not do it either. It would be best for the child by far if all of the parents supported each other and worked together in this difficult situation. Caveat: this is generic advice. I don't know stepdad, and that makes this tough. If he's reasonable and mature, this could be effective. And DEFINITELY address it now. Else, it is almost assured to get much worse over time.
I think MadMax, PhiSlammaJamma and mcable are giving very good advice here. Cohen and others as well...very mature advice. Avoid an immature confrontation...it would be bad for your son. I think a friendly, calm conversation about it would be the best thing...just make sure that whatever happens, remain calm and remember that if you get too upset and it becomes confrontational, it would only be bad for your son.
Thanks all you guys for the great advice, the kind words, the prayer's, and the hysterical images of Dave Chapelle nodding approvingly as I mentally whoop this monkey's ass. I've decided to document it and bring it up only if it comes up again. I routinely talk to my son about obeying the rules at each house, and this is just another of those situations. My son knows I love him infinitely, and I take the time to explain things to him, so I know that he trusts me in the things I say and do.
As hard as it is to do, this is the best advice. I'm not even sure I'd give him the checkers stuff, at least not at first. I'd just tell him you'd appreciate it if he wouldn't go out of the way to contradict you. If he acts like he doesn't know what you're talking about, then I'd give him the checkers stuff as an example.
You could always mail him the checkers stuff But then i guess you wouldn't get to see the great expression on his face... If you want to go higher up on the technology scale just email him a site for checkers like yahoo games or something so he can go play and learn
Challenge the ex to a game of checkers and as he is setting up whip out the rules for him and your son to see. Or, be mature about it and talk to him like an adult, since you are going to HAVE to deal with him, try to keep it civil. But the first one would be funnier. DD
