Okay, I find myself in a bit of an odd situation. I have an ex-girlfriend I had been dating for a little over a year. When it was all over, she swore up and down she wanted to friends. And that was fine with me. We've been broken up for 6 months, and I've dated two other girls since her. Anyway, I've lately realized that she really doesn't want to be friends at all. At least, I don't think so. She's nice when I talk to just her, but when she's with her friends she acts cold and makes a special effort not to pay any attention to me. In 6 months, she has not contacted me to do anything even once. It's always me making the effort, even though she said she's the one who wanted to be friends. That is, except for once, when she wanted to play scrabble (yep, she's a nerd), and needed to use my board. The relationship she had with me was apparently her only major relationship. Ever. I'm pretty damn sure she was making a poor, poor attempt at sparing my feelings by saying she wanted to be friends. Now, here's my issue: I don't give a damn about her, but I really like her best friend/roommate (NOT to potentially date, just as a friend). I am, or at least was, very very good friends with her roommate, though I obviously see her less now. Now, I've been having this uncontrollable urge lately to tell my ex to quit the charade and f*ck off, because she's really treated me like a complete b*tch. You guys think there's any chance her roommate wouldn't hate me if I did that?
I doubt she'd hate you, but it might force her to make a call one way or the other as to who she'd hang out with in the future. I don't know the depth of the roommate's relationship with either of you guys, so I can't say. But I find myself asking why tell the x-gf anything. If you want to quit trying to be friends with her, why make a huge confrontation be a part of it. Just don't make the effort anymore. Be polite but not overly friendly, or inclusive should you chance to speak to her in the future. Don't try and make contact with the ex-gf, though. If you don't want to lose the roommate as a friend it is fine to invite the roommate to group functions. Let her know that you have gotten strange vibes from your ex-gf, and want to avoid drama, but you don't care if the roommate brings her to the group function, but that you won't be inviting her yourself, and it is doesn'ty matter to you if the ex can't make it at all, that shouldn't keep the roommate from hanging out. That way the roommate can invite the ex or not depending on her own feelings of delicacy or lack thereof. You also aren't doing anything overtly dickish to her best friend. It washes your hands of the ex-gf, and can keep you in touch with your friend/her roommate. If you don't care about keeping in touch with her roommate and want the satisfaction of letting your ex-gf have it, then go for it if you feel the need. But mostly I wouldn't even bother. You don't have to announce you are done making the effort to be friends, just stop making the effort.
Not bad, FB! Good advice. I agree about blowing off the drama, unless you feel you just really have a need to get it out of yor system. Good luck!
FB just said all the right words It doesnt matter if you blow up on her or not, its up to the rommate if she still wants to be friends with you. Blowing up on your ex still wont come across her mind, she'll probably just let it go and maybe agree with you. Good luck at whatever you choose to do, and keep us updated for the nosey people like me....
Not really. "Life is a lot easier when you stop giving a damn about what others think of you." The sooner you learn this, the better.
Was she your ex's roomy, before your friendship? If so, she might be offended if you hurt her rommy's feelings.
I think we agree or would agree on plenty. But those topics don't make for prolongued conversation on these boards. I'm sure you probably would agree with that too...
Here's a chick's perspective on this: When my best friend or roommate broke up with their significant other, I found my life much easier if I also dropped all communications/friendships with said ex. Even if I knew the guy and was friends with him first. Even if I had no real reason to cut off communications and stop being friends, I did so. There's nothing worse than a best friend/roommate turning on you just because you retained a friendship with her ex. I've lost a bunch of friends because of this very situation. But in hindsight, I probably wouldn't have remained friends with many of those people for very long anyway. So all in all, she may not hate you, but she probably won't talk to you just because of your ex. Sorry dude.
Yeeaaahhh... believe me, I know what the smart thing to do is. Wanting to blow up at her is just an illogical urge I have. I know it won't help me in any way. In fact, I'm quite sure it would damage a few of my friendships. But damn, it would feel good. What I hate about how she acts is how freakin' arrogant it is. It's clear to me that she puts up the facade of being my friend because she believes I need her, like I would have some kind of emotional breakdown if she had said she didn't want to see me anymore. This whole thing just wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for her roommate. Heck, I would've stopped making any kind of effort with my ex after two weeks if it weren't for her roommate. But since I knew I would probably see my ex if I planned on seeing her roommate, I kept making the effort. I felt obligated. But you can only bang your head against a wall so many times before it hurts, and now I really really want to tell her what a b*tch she is and bring her out of her cloud of self-importance. Yeah, it was stupid of me to bang my head on that wall. I know. But it's done now, that's the problem. The only way to heal the lump I created is to tell my ex off. So at this point I'm deciding between healing that lump and keeping a friend. It probably seems obvious that I should choose the latter, but the idea of letting a self-important b*tch go on believing she's God's gift to man when I have something to say about it just burns me up. There aren't things in this world I hate more than lies and arrogance, and she has both in abundance... but I'll probably just end up suppressing the urge. ...of course, if my friendship with her roommate ever sours, I'll wail away without hesitation.
Err... huh? But I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, and I'm still friends with her roommate. She still talks to me. I'm only wondering if she would still if I told off my ex. I'm guessing no. But yeah, we're still friends right now; have been for the entire 6 months. And we had been for about 2 years before that. I just don't see her as often is all. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me any less.
Sorry, I was unclear in my response. Basically what I meant to say was this: If you tell off your ex, you'll piss her off. Then she'll get pissed off at her friend because she's still friends with you. That's how women work. I can't tell you how many times my girls have tried the friends thing, or how many times I've tried to remain friends with their ex's... It generally doesn't work out - that's all I was trying to say.
man, the drama...Well, we all need some, if only for a while...I agree with avoiding the drama and being the better person...That way, you avoid the confrontation and can try to "hit" that roomate...
