Had one today. Wife texts: 'Ah! Just had to swerve in the highway to dodge a ladder and a rake!!!' I reply: 'Just sittin' there? Why didn't you stop to pick it up?!?'
(Carlin on airport announcements) About this time, someone is telling you to get on the plane. "Get on the plane. Get on the plane." I say, "f*** you, I'm getting IN the plane! IN the plane! Let Evil Knievel get ON the plane! I'll be in here with you folks in uniform! There seems to be less WIND in here!"
I had a friend stop and pick up a dolly on the highway. The dolly then smashed into his window and cost him $300. lol
Dump this broad, Xero! She texts while driving, AND she cheated on you on April Fools' Day! Dump her like a bad habit!
If you have ever had to drive a friend's 1 ton dually diesel home from a bar in Tomball because he was too drunk, you might be a redneck *raises hand*
Especially if there are big bull nuts hanging off the back and a bumper sticker that says, "F#*K Ya'll! I'm from Texas!"
I drank a bottle of Wild Turkey in the one hour between my college graduate classes with my buddy, while driving... then dropped my beef jerky while driving 60 miles per hour down the road by the UofH law center.... hit a tree, knocked the tree over, and parked in the middle of the tree and went to class. Amazingly I did not get towed or arrested... however I did get screamed at for drinking during class... true story...... shameful.
is that clayton bigsby's brother? i caught myself saying this the other day. "we should probably defer that fur next month."
i was in county jail in sonora, texas once and i happened to have what i thought to be a very manly and robust beard at that time - the other guys kept telling me that my beard looked like a vagina and i was warned by each that the other might try to stick his dick in my mouth if i took a nap. /redneck!