Here’s the situation: My folks want to take me and the wife out to dinner for her belated b-day. At the last minute, they invited the in-laws (wife’s folks) to go with us. So it will be us, my folks, and her folks. I try to pick up the check whenever I can because I like doing it, but it’s always hard trying to wrestle it away from my folks – and damn near impossible to wrestle it away from my in-laws. Since my folks are the ones who set all this up, I’m wondering what the proper way of handling it is this time. Do we offer to pick up the check? Do we offer to pay for ourselves? Or do we let them pay for everything? This is always kind of an unknown for me. There are always so many different variables involved and I almost always feel like I’ve done the wrong thing. And I always dread that awkward moment when they bring that check…
I think that your parents should pay, seeing as they set up the dinner. However, you should offer to pay for you and the wife, but not for the in-laws.
Since it's family I'd offer to pay for all of it. I'll attempt 3 times and on the 3rd insist by either parent, I give up.
same problem here. i usually excuse myself before the dinner is over, and slip the waitress my Credit Card and be done with it. she just brings the slip and has me sign it and they look confused.
Usually I always make an offer to take the check. But if your parents insist I would let them. Here's why I don't push it now. I took my mother, her close friend (a mother, but she doesn't have contact w/ her daughter anymore, long story), and my sister out for a nice dinner for Mother's Day. Then at dinner my mother's friend insists on paying the bill. I say no way, it's a show of gratitude on my part not only to my mother but to you as well. Then she insists that she will at least pay for herself. It really pissed me off. Of course I laughed it off and didn't want to make a scene, but it basically felt like giving a gift and then having that person turn around and throw it in the garbage. /rant
My thoughts are that since ur parents consciously included the in-laws, they are already prepared to treat them.
After you place your order, excuse yourself from the table and go see your waiter. Give him your credit card then and there, and tell him not even to bring out the first receipt and skip straight to the signing portion. This is what I do.
Yeah, the slipping the waitress the CC is a good idea. My bro-in-law does that with my father-in-law when he's in town. But like professorjay says, sometimes it could backfire and offend the person who had planned on picking it up all along.
Who invited WHOM? Then the inviting party should pay. Still offer to get the bill as a courtesy and a gentleman that you are. NSFW fixed post: Fixed yer post since you missed some letters, sir. You're welcome.
My general rule is that the person that invites should pay. If you invite yourself into a group, plan on paying for yourself. It works pretty well.
Like some have already said, offer to pay. Insist a second time. If they say no, then just thank them and carry on with your night. Just treat them some other time as a thank you for treating your wife, your in-laws, and yourself.
Strange responses, imo. Don't pay. Don't offer to pay. It is a birthday present. The two sets of parents can wrestle over who gets to pay. But, it'd be rude to consider taking the bill yourself. It's a gift. If they gave you a Tonka truck, would you whip out a $10 for them?
I agree. I really don't understand why you would feel obligated to pay not only for your parents but your in-laws as well! I can see wanting to pay for you and your wife, but not for everyone else. It is a form of a birthday present, ima, that your parents want to give you. I would accept it and go on. If you really feel the urge to pay your parents and/or the in-laws back, invite them out to eat some time in the future. But come on man, it's your birthday! That's what parents do - they treat their kids no matter how old they are.
OK, OK. I got everyone loud and clear. I'll let them pay. Looks like I'm getting the Filet Mignon tonight, baby!!
^no...what are you in high school...you're adults now... Etiquette, i believe, is that whoever is organizing the dinner pays...However, IMHO, it doesn't matter what the occassion is, you should pay...don't be a cheap azz...seriously... Now, if they're loaded, you should still offer but it'll be a fight...
I think that it is just that parents always like to pay for their kids, been doing it all their lives and they feel that they should keep doing it. We are never allowed to pick up the check...and we try ALL the time.... So, now we try, know it is going to fail and give them a nice bottle of wine when we come over..... Our little sneaky way of helping out. DD
