Are there rules & etiquette here that I am unaware of? On almost every single occasion, I always offer my hand out when leaving or meeting someone for business. Yesterday, I was "left hanging" twice, and both on both occasions, the person I was meeting with was a female. Now, when you meet with strangers 5-8 times a day, you get "left hanging" every so often, usually because they don't see your hand or are in a hurry to leave and just forget. But yesterday, I was at their residences and both females saw me extend my hand, yet would not/could not shake it. Is this an "old fashioned" thing? A religious thing? Am I just missing something here?
Odd, I've never had issue with shaking a woman's hand save for the general tendency for women to go limp wristed on you during the shake...but I figured that was just a feminine thing.
moises alou? /jk not sure. i simple hello should be fine when being introduced outside of the workplace. otherwise, i'd think handshake would do.
I shake hands with women all the time, but I have this same issue. Like most guys, I grip hard when I shake another guy's hand but I'm hesitant to do that when I shake a woman's hand for obvious reasons. If I go limp, the woman thinks I'm a Nancy-boy, but if I grip like I do for a guy, I may break her fingers. What's the protocol?
I'm in sales and shake hands often. The only time I was left hanging was when a Muslim lady refused and told me she doesn't shake hands with men. I don't know any other reason you would be "left hanging". Question: Did they expect your visit? I'd be curious what the exact circumstances were. On etiquette, I have what I'd describe as a passive-aggressive handshake. I sort of turn my hand into a stone and don't squeeze very hard unless the other person does. This way, I don't crush people who give me the "dead fish" handshake and don't get crushed by people who attempt to break my hand. I just squeeze as hard as appropriated. Most people say my handshake is extremely firm but I don't hurt them either.
Strength should be between the vice grip when shake another guy's hand and a limp wrist. The happy middle-ground if you will. A firm hand shake is what I would describe it as. You'll know it when you find it.
Normal etiquette would be that the female extends the hand to the man (even though that advice is described as outdated in some places). Other than that, the "higher" person in the hierarchy extends the hand to the "lower" person. http://www.sterlingmanners.com/handshakemanners.htm http://ask.metafilter.com/66992/Handshake-etiquette-especially-with-women
This seems like a good plan. That way you don't get left hanging if the female feels it is inproper to shake your hand. BTW, these meetings are always scheduled (i.e. they know I am coming).
Well its probably not a good idea to cough and sneeze on your hand, and pick out boogers and wipe snot with it, then expect a handshake. I had the same problem but that was because I would give a creepy long sniff of my hand after a cute girl shook it. Then I would rub myself.
Actually, you are never supposed to actually kiss a woman's hand unless she is wearing evening gloves, especially if you do not know her well. Protocol states that you simply dip your head down and perhaps touch the tip of your nose on her hand, or kiss your own thumb while grasping her hand, but don't actually touch her hand. Miss Manners: You must practice the correct method though. As someone else said, you only make contact with the hand if the person is wearing a glove, I will take this one step further and say that you may come in contact with a bare hand if you are already of the lady's acquaintance. If you are strangers, or have not been formally introduced to one another, then you hover just over the hand without making contact, or you kiss your thumb, which should be resting over their knuckles. And even then, ONLY when she offers her hand. Never take liberties by taking a woman's hand from her side. Also, Miss Manners on hand shaking: In traditional social etiquette, when two people meet, the person with the higher rank gets to choose whether or not to shake hands. Judith Martin, in Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, writes that “the higher-ranking person–socially this means women before men, except in the case of presidents, kings, or popes, and the greater age and more exalted positions before the younger and less significant–either sticks out a hand or doesn’t.” The lower-ranking person shouldn’t be the one to initiate the handshake. But if that should happen, Miss Manners says to go ahead and shake anyway. “The worst error is to pass by a hand that has been extended, however erroneously.” The etiquette that applies to job interviews is a bit different from social etiquette. Robin Thompson, owner of Etiquette Network and the Robin Thompson Charm School, says that if you are on a job interview, “You should wait until the interviewer extends his or her hand first. That's just being polite.” She says that “people get a very strong impression from your handshake, so it should be a firm handshake and should last maybe five seconds. Your whole hand should grasp the interviewer’s hand, meaning that the web between your thumb and your pointer finger should meet the other person’s. It should be a full handshake, but not bone crunching. You don't want to hurt the other person, but you also don’t want your handshake to be wimpy. You also shouldn't extend your hand while you are still across the room and start running across the room with your hand stuck out. You should just walk up politely, stop, and shake hands while making eye contact, smiling, and being conscious of your posture. “Should a woman shake hands? Definitely!” Thompson says. “In business nowadays, we don't make a distinction based on sex. Socially, yes, it's nice to perform common courtesies, but in business, women should be treated as equals and women should shake hands. A lot of men think this is a gray area because they were brought up to be respectful and courteous to a woman, and not shake a woman’s hand until the woman offers hers, and so forth. In business, preference is given to rank. So if the CEO is a man, and the woman is a junior, then he should extend his hand first.” How firm should a man’s handshake be when he is shaking hands with a woman? Is it possible for a man’s handshake to be too firm? On the other hand, if a man doesn’t shake firmly enough, will he appear to be weak? Miss Manners points out that “many ladies wear rings on their right hands, and many of these rings have stones in them. In the area between seeming wishy-washy and slicing off a lady’s finger at the knuckle with her own diamond, Miss Manners would rather a gentleman erred toward the wishy-washy. However, it should not be difficult for a gentleman of ordinary digital and manual sensitivity to adjust his handshake in response to the strength of a lady’s.”
I stick by what Ms. Manners says... I wait until they extend it, then I greet. I try to wait for my "please to meet you, too" or "same here" while the shake takes place. If there is no extension, and they say "Oh, HI", then I say "nice to meet you" or something like that. Try most places in Latin America, where the custom is to kiss your friend or newly acquainted person on the cheek. "That's what she... a lot of places are like that."
My mother-in-law makes it a big point of not shaking hands with a man. She has told me countless times that it is "not good etiquette" for a man to shake hands with a woman. Until I met her, I had no idea that this was such a big thing. I still feel that it isn't a big deal, but obviously it is up to the woman to shake hands with a guy. The next time I wouldn't shake hands with a woman unless she extends first. But it is hard for me to remember that because I grew up thinking that you always shook hands with people that you met for the first time, regardless of what sex and/or position they are. Manners...sheesh! I don't doubt you at all on this but who in the hell these days wears freaking evening gloves??!! Does "Miss Manners" honestly expect women these days to walk around like they are dressed up for their sweet 16 birthday and that we are in the '60s?? Evening gloves?? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.... That right there shows you how ridiculous and r****ded these things are and especially anything that "Miss Manners" says.
