ESBN.com: Orlando Signs Ewing to Man the Middle...

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Magic will have old front line in 2001-02

Orlando Signs Ewing to Man the Middle, Demand 25 Touches A Game, Then Publicly Pout When He Doesn't Get His Way



Ewing's old number was 33.
Mulitply 33 by 2 and you get
how old he looks like when
he is on the court.
Disassociated Press photo


ORLANDO, Fla., July 18 (DP) -- The Orlando Magic, fresh out of ideas, are hoping Patrick Ewing can solve their problems in the pivot. The Magic signed the old ass retread free agent center to a contract Wednesday.

"It wasn't a money issue," Ewing said. "That was what my last contract was about. It's about being somewhere where you can still get them to pay you no matter how little game you have left, somewhere where you can talk about making a difference, and somewhere where you can be happy and let others do the work."

Shortly after midnight, the team also signed another old fart, power forward Horace Grant of the Los Angeles Lakers.

Ewing, 38, and Grant, 36, bring a combined 30 years of NBA experience to Orlando, as well as 30 women who claim that each man has impregnated them. Ewing is an 11-time All-Star (we point that out to gloss over the fact that he never won a title) and Grant has riden the coattails of great players to four championship rings.

"We have a lot of talent on this team, but we did need some experience," said Orlando coach Doc Rivers, who tolerated playing with Ewing for three seasons in New York. "And man, did we ever get it. I left the league 5 years ago when these old bastards' careers were already on the downslide. We needed guys who have gone through the wars of the playoffs, who could tell our young guys what it's going to be like, and in Patrick's case, how to face the cameras and explain why your hyped team lost."

Ewing played with the New York Knicks for 15 seasons before being traded to Seattle last summer because he was such an ass in New York. With the Sonics, the 7-foot Ewing posted career-lows of 9.6 points per game, 7.4 rebounds per game and shot 43 percent.

Ewing said his advanced age won't be a liability.

"Age is a state of mind," said Ewing, who turns 39 on Aug. 5. "Thus, I make sure that I always have quality mind-altering substances available. Naturally, I'm not the same athlete I was when I was younger, but when I'm high I think I'm better than I was then. I know how to lose the game better; I delude myself into thinking I'm mentally stronger."

This is Grant's second stint in Orlando. He played with the Magic from 1994-99 before being traded to Seattle on draft night in 1999 because he was already an old mofo then.

This past season, the 6-foot-10 Grant started for the NBA champion Lakers. He averaged a paltry 8.5 points and 7.1 rebounds and ranked 12th in the NBA in offensive rebounding by shagging Shaq's free throw misses.

Grant received his first three championship rings for playing with Michael Jordan as a member of the Chicago Bulls from 1987-94.

Neither Ewing nor Grant was among Orlando's first choices. In fact, they weren't among their second or third choices either. But when the Magic found it impossible to clear salary-cap space for a run at Toronto center Antonio Davis, the team was forced to find cheaper alternatives such as Ewing and Grant and hype their past glories as much as possible.

"In some ways, when you add all the players, the price becomes the same; it's maybe just not given to one player," Magic general manager John Gabriel said, grasping for some way to make the Ewing and Grant acquisitions appear positive. "It would be unfair to call this a Plan B, or Plan C or D for that matter."

Davis eventually chose to re-sign with the Raptors and live in cold-ass Canada rather than to join the Magic in sunny, warm, and oh so great Central Florida.

Upgrading the roster's big men was a dream of the Magic this offseason, and the team has failed to address the problem through free-agency and the draft.

"Watching the Magic play in the playoffs, I'm like, 'This team, it needs a center,'" Ewing said. "Maybe I can get them to think that my old ass would fit in good on this team."

On draft night, the Magic selected DePaul center/power forward and future first round bust Steven Hunter, a 7-footer, with the 15th pick of the first round. Orlando followed that by trading for the rights to North Carolina center Brenda Haywood, another 7-footer who was Cleveland's first-round pick at No. 20 and is petitioning to be allowed to join the WNBA.

Last year, the horrid three-man center rotation of starter Andrew DeClercq and reserves John Amaechi and Michael Doleac wasn't lit up with regularity on defense, but sucked on offense.

Doleac is gone, sent to Cleveland in one of those instantly forgettable trades for Haywood, and it's possible the other two won't be back, either. Amaechi is testing the free-agent waters again after screwing up last season and turning down a large, multi-year offer from the eventual NBA Champion Lakers and DeClercq hasn't yet said jack yet about what the !@#$ he is going to do.

At power forward, starter Bo Outlaw sometimes provided defense and rebounding last season, but is a wretched offensive player who was called upon to score because the Magic's frontcourt really sucked.

Who knows? Perhaps the 'Ben-Gay Brigade' will not suck as bad this year for the Magic.



[This message has been edited by MrSpur (edited July 20, 2001).]