Eggs Laid by Sport Commentators

Here are the top ten comments made by various sports commentators that they may wish to take back:

(Can you identify the one which is about Moochie Norris? I'm not sure about the legitimacy of this. I thought that the last one had really occurred on The Tonight Show. Well, whether fact or fiction, they are funny)

1. Women weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up, and it was amazing."

2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it, which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."

4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been many injuries and some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious."

6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."

9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere.
It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.... Oh my, what have I just said?"

 

Well, since every one is a fan of number 10, I guess I'll share the version that I've heard of for years:

Arnold Palmer's wife, Winnie, is on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Carson asks her if there are any traditions that they celebrate at home before Arnold goes off to a golf tournament.

Winnie says something like, "Oh yes, I like to hold his balls."

Carson offers up: "Well, I bet that makes his putter stand up."

 

From Snopes.com:

Jokes involving puns that play on the double meaning of the word "balls" (a round object used in sports and games, and a slang term for testicles) have been circulating in the broadcast industry for many years. Examples include the radio funnyman who claims he's going to meet his girlfriend at the pawnshop so that she can kiss him under the balls; the baseball announcer who proposes a scheme for couples watching the game: the men can kiss their girlfriends on the strikes, and the women can kiss their boyfriends on the balls; and the wife of the sports pro who kisses (or washes) her husbands balls for luck just before big matches. Nobody knows just when or where these jokes originated, but each of them has been attributed to the mouth thought most likely to have to have made them (for these examples, Bob Hope, Dizzy Dean, and Johnny Carson, respectively).

Although this legend is apocryphal in the forms cited above, it may have a kernel of truth to it. When Palmer appeared on Tonight Show (now hosted by Jay Leno) on 11 October 1994, Leno asked him about it:


Leno: . . . apparently Johnny said, "Is there anything your wife does to bring you good luck?"
Palmer: No, Johnny said, "Does your wife kiss your balls before you go to play?" and I said, "I don't even go to bed without pajamas."

Leno: I thought that was a tactful way . . . but thanks for getting right to the point. So we cleared that up. That's like a famous one, like Jack Benny's, "Your money or your life . . . I'm thinking it over." I wanted to find out . . . so it is true?

Palmer: There you've got it. And I don't want to hear about it any more.

So, if there is any truth to this legend at all (and Palmer indicates that there is, contrary to TV Guide's claim that Arnold Palmer was never a guest on the Tonight Show), the "balls" joke was one deliberately made by Johnny Carson, not one that innocently slipped from the lips of Arnold Palmer or his wife.

Last updated: 23 August 1998

 

Personally, I like #9. It's so simple.