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Dummies Guide to How To Beat the Jazz in a Playoff Series

Discussion in 'Houston Rockets: Game Action & Roster Moves' started by SeeingRocketRed, Mar 5, 2009.

  1. SeeingRocketRed

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    Playoff Plan against Utah:

    1. REMEMBER GAME 2. GET ANGRY. "Kirilenko embellished the contact with a swan dive that would have made Greg Louganis proud. Meanwhile, replays seemed to show referee Tony Brothers looking away from the play until he noticed Kirilenko completing his second somersault and tucking into the pike position, and only then making the call. It wasn't his call anyway — the outside ref is supposed to make it, and he took a pass."

    2. SHAME UTAH into playing basketball instead of cheating, whining, and flopping their way past us again. Let's print up literally thousands of sets of numbers 1-10 to hand out to the fans (like the dunk contest), with the words "Pansyness Contest" in nice big letters on the top of each page. Develop chants to highlight the worst offenders' actions, something like "Harpring's grabbing Yao's balls" or possibly just chant the word "pansy" when they fall down and cry instead of the current chant "flopper".

    3. MAKE 3s when they are there. (Luther is gone, and his specter of horrific playoff shooting has hopefully left the building with him).

    4. GET YAO THE BALL ON THE MOVE. Make Okur move his feet to play defense. He won't. Yao will kill them at the line. They might have to bring back Ostertag and Foster. Ha.

    5. DEFEND THE FREAKING BACKDOOR. Always. Constantly. Especially on inbounds plays. No layups here, son.

    6. HAVE RON ARTEST GET IN FACES and threaten to get crazy. Tell him not to really punch people unless absolutely necessary. And under no condition punch useless Matt Harpring, a player designed solely to get other teams' players to punch him. Or the refs. Unless they make another call like game 2. Then punching = probably ok.

    7. BUY UP TICKETS in one section in Utah. Seriously. Everyone that can go, all try to sit in ONE designated section down low, maybe in a corner or behind the goal where normal folks might be able to afford it (and we could screw up their free throws for a half). Change the dynamic in their building. Piss off the Utah fans, who have never seen a real-live non-white face up close before. Bring red inflatable bangers. And the Pansyness Contest numbers. I know we could get a couple hundred crazy fans to pony up and do this - we could even have a caravan up there, split gas and lodging costs etc., especially for a weekend game. How freaking awesome would this be?

    8. ATTACK THE RACK. Make the refs call fouls. Charge into the lane fearlessly. Von Wafer, Brooks, Lowry, THIS MEANS YOU.
     
  2. roflmcwaffles

    roflmcwaffles Member

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    Get home court, and win your 4 there.

    That's my guidebook.
     
  3. Steve_Francis_rules

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    Put on purple and gold uniforms so the refs don't hand them games? It worked for the Lakers.
     
  4. Deepbreath

    Deepbreath Member

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    No bother, the easiest way is to curse Jazz never make it to playoffs. LOL
     
  5. Carl Herrera

    Carl Herrera Member

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    What does Utah and a prison shower have in common?
     
  6. duteman

    duteman Member

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    haha entertaining post specifically the kirilenko dance act....yao needs to move quickly vs bed head okur cuz all he does is lean on yao and not get called...

    Notice how harping can't do too much to interfere with artest vs mcgrady...i recall last year in games we lost korver was even doing a good job harrassing mcgrady....Korver
     
  7. UTmo

    UTmo Member

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    LOL... nice...
     
  8. aznphil83

    aznphil83 Member

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    you forgot about hitting free throws
     
  9. Shaud

    Shaud Member

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    Score more points than the Jazz is the key to success.
     
  10. Artesticles

    Artesticles Member

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    A better idea would be to just try to avoid them in the playoffs. We matchup horribly with them, and that should be emphasized over and over again. Our weaknesses happen to be their strengths, and our strengths don't really expose any of their weaknesses.

    I don't care if we have to tank games if it means not having to face them in the postseason.
     
  11. redao

    redao Member

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    Abandon those Yao centric offense. Dont ever force feeding Yao.
     
  12. Little Bit

    Little Bit Member

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    How about going big defensively on Deron Williams? Have Battier or Artest guard Williams and let Barry run the offense for different spurts in the game. We have to be able to minimize either Boozer or Williams.

    When Yao was out last season, Boozer was limited b/c Scola, Landry, and Hayes are quick enough to defend him well. Now that Yao is back, the Yao/Boozer matchup is going to kill us everytime, so we can't let Williams go off too. We need to try to slow Deron down a bit by switching up the defense on him instead of just relying on Brooks and Lowry who are two small.

    I disagree with some posters who say they would like to have the Jazz in the first round again. That is a slug-fest nightmare that would probably lead to another 1st round exit if we don't have home court (then again we had home-court advantage the past two years).
     
  13. DaDakota

    DaDakota Balance wins
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    Attack them on the perimeter....go strong to the cup all game long.

    DD
     
  14. Guru

    Guru Member

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    Get a closer for close games!!! Sorry, Yao is not it...
     
  15. pppbigppp

    pppbigppp Member

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    Un-bride the ref
     
  16. baller4life315

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    Four points I would make in a "Dummies Guide: Beat the Jazz":

    1) You absolutely have to be ready to play physical. In case you haven't noticed, Utah's strategy is basically to foul the hell out of you early on thereby daring the referees to continue making those calls throughout the course of the game. You have to be prepared for that type of physical contact and welcome it once it happens. You also need depth in the event they flop their way into foul trouble. Luckily, we finally seem to have the type of depth necessary to match them in that regard.

    2) Defend the PnR the best you can. Stay as up in their grill and with a hand in their face the best you possibly can. Utah's offense is almost entirely PnR based. They don't really drive, post up or attack the basket. It's mostly 10-20 foot mid-range jumpers dished out of the PnR from which they are pretty automatic. Be cognizant and crisp on switches too. Okur got 2-3 clean looks at the basket from three-point range. Williams, DERON WILLIAMS, got two by my count last night due to poor switching. You simply cannot allow that.

    3) Don't let the role players kill you! In last night's game it was Ronnie Brewer on the fricken backdoor cuts, constant movement and hustle plays. I'm not blaming Artest since he had a good overall game, but his inability to pick up on Brewer's tendencies to move and cut to basket constantly hurt us severely. There were what....4-5 rather easy dunks or layups directly underneath the basket due to the defender's brain lapses alone. You simply cannot allow a Ronnie Brewer to kill you with Deron, Boozer, etc. on the floor.

    4) Run EVERYTHING through Yao. I mean everything. They get so flustered on how to defend him and when to double him. The reality is they would probably be better off doubling him right away and trying to force an immediate pass which means the onus is then on Battier, Brooks and everybody else to make them pay severely if they do that. Artest is best when he's setting his feet and shooting rather than trying to create for himself. Working everything through Yao and judging how your opponent plays him opens up so many possibilities from our standpoint.
     
  17. RaferMadness

    RaferMadness Rookie

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    we tried in the 07 playoffs it didn't work :(
     
  18. stupid_me_tb

    stupid_me_tb Member

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    Is that you John Madden?
     
  19. Surfguy

    Surfguy Member

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    There is no guide that will work. The Rockets cannot beat the Jazz in a playoff series with the way these teams are currently matched up. They will put up a good fight but, ultimately, they will lose. Homecourt advantage will not matter.

    Some of our faces may have changed...and even some of theirs...but they still know how to close the door on us when it counts. The differences are they have more consistency out of their players than we do.

    It's depressing. Believe me...I know.
     
  20. EGYPT

    EGYPT Member

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    this is the hardest thing out of your whole proposal, because Yao can not play on the move nor can he score on the move, and the worst ever that he will be out of gas in 5 minutes.
     

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