DUMB PACKAGING LABELS In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. 1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair) 2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (Evidently, the shoplifter special) 3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how. . . ?) 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: > "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion) 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." (Oops, too late!) 6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows the day . . . .) 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save even more time?) 8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope) 10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) 11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.) 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (NEWS FLASH) 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.) 14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.) 15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief) 16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food." (Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the Palmolive!) 17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control." (Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?) 18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine." (Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids) Thanks for the Email,keep'm coming ------------------ Now chew through my ball sack [This message has been edited by Summer Song Giver (edited January 11, 2001).]
