Discipline Children

Dunking them in ice water or burning them with lit cigs is effective... teaches them proper respect for their Dad.

 

I don't have any kids, but I'll answer anyway. I think it's perfectly acceptable to spank kids, even if the law says otherwise. I also realize that with some kids, that probably won't be effective in actually getting them to change behavior. Punishment should probably be determined on a case-by-case basis.

 

duct tape.

 

I think taking things away (usually freedom) systematically is probably the most effective.

I think spanking is silly, although I DO believe there should be some kind of non-physical punishment where it would be very clear that this is a particularly/especially big issue.

 

Too easy...

 

Spanking is stupid.

If you can't use your brain opposed to your hand to get a child to act right.....you deserved to be spanked.

 

Well based on the pussification of america,

I would say not buying their 3rd ps3 or telling them they have to settle for Lexus instead of a BMW, and if they do wreck it they will have to just settle for a new pickup truck or SUV.

Sending them to their room in which they have internet access, video game consoles, 40 inch television is also a very effective way of punishing them. Limiting their allowance from 100 dollars to 80 dollars a week is also acceptable.

 

Spanking is effective because punishment is the strongest form of learning. This is because self preservation is built into us fundamentally and we look to avoid any actions that can have painful consequences.
For example if you touch the stove and burn yourself you are very likely never to do so again. It's conditioned learning as I am sure many posters here are aware of the concept. However the concept only works if you have the following three factors.

Consistent, drastic, immediate.

The punishment must be the same for the same misbehavior. Mom and Dad and Grandma or whoever must administer the same punishment. If the misbehavior is throwing a fit at Wal-Mart and you feel spanking is appropriate then it should always be done that way.

The punishment should be drastic enough to get attention. Telling your son he won't get dessert may not be drastic enough. Whatever the punishment is it must be drastic enough that it can't be shrugged off as no big deal.

The punishment must also be immediate. The longer you wait the larger the disconnect between the misbehavior and the punishment and the desired connection between the two.

The stove example is classic because it's meets all of these criteria. If you think about these criteria you will see why our criminal justice system is not that effective either.

As a former CPS employee in AZ, physical punishment such as spanking is not illegal. Bruising is what constitutes abuse from discipline.

Don't mean for this post to sound like a lecture just repeating what I was taught in Psych.

 

I think you always need to remember you are not your kid's friend. You are his parent.

 

In theory, I feel there are three important matters.

1. Make certain the punishment fits the crime. Not all infractions are created equal. Hence, not all punishment should be created equal either.
2. Punishment must be a form of constructive teaching. Communication to show that you discipline them because you love them, and that they need to not do certain things out of self-interest, rather than discipline for the sake of doing so.
3. Rewards must be given for good deeds, to promote good behavior in the future.

Of course, in practice, the ability to apply this is much more difficult.

 

I am not against spanking, I'm indifferent to it. When I was a kid, I never felt like spanking worked. It just made me more pissed off

 

I wasn't really much of a trouble maker as a kid, I was rarely ever spanked, I just remember being mad afterwards. It was usually for fighting with siblings and no, it never stopped that.

 

With a 3 yr old kid, it probably makes most sense to plug those sockets. A sharp slap to the wrist with no explanation does not work, because they won't wait for the explanation, they will try to find out.

That kind of trust is rare even with adults, nevermind 3 yr old children.

Then again, the only experience I have is with my nephew who is 5 years old now.

Here's what he's like: He walked into the tv room and my brother was watching MMA. So he was told to leave the room. But he spent the next 5 minutes running around, punching his mom in the leg, then running away again. Each time, he was told with a firmer voice to stop. Until eventually, he gets a 'timeout' - meaning, sit on the couch in the room with no tv and no people and think about what you've done. So I'm talking to his mom while he's singing songs and having a wrestling match with his two hands and after 5-10 minutes, she says to him "Ok, have you thought about what you've done? If you know what you did was wrong, and say sorry, you can come out of the timeout."

You know what he said? He replies back sarcastically "Actually, this is a GREAT time out. I love it. Can I stay for another 5 minutes?"

Suffice to say, my jaw dropped before laughing my ass off for 10 minutes. Once it was explained that his punches were painful, he was seriously apologetic, even saying sorry with a hug and almost crying.

Morale: they need an explanation, they want one, and they can understand almost anything. So why not provide it to be safe and effective?

 

Discipline children the same way you would discipline adults.

Remember, you reap what you sow.

 

My simple rules:

1. Determine the type of child you have. Some need spanking to respond. Other only need a stern look and explanation. I have both types.

2. Do not spank when you are angry. Allow yourself time to calm down.

3. Explain why (regardless of their full ability to understand the explanation) they are about to get spanked in a very calming tone.

4. Do not spank with your hands. Your hands should be associated with warmth and caring.

5. Do not spank them in front of their siblings, friends, or family. The point is not to embarrass them.

6. Spank such that you don't leave bruises. But they should feel pain and understand the seriousness of the situation. I spank my kids only on the butt--wooden or plastic spatula gets the point across without bruising.

7. Afterwards, hold them and hug them and tell them that you love them. Explain to them why you punished them--this it the time they are most attentive to your explanations. Take advantage of it.

My kids are very well behaved, social and very much liked by their peers and teaches. Very minimal behavior issues outside the home.

At home, they are sometimes a "pain in the butt"--but we allow them a lot more slack at home.

Hope this helps some of you.

BF

 

They're just kids, not muslim women. Ease up!

 

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