I was in the car with my wife. Somehow, our conversation turned to business and I said that I would very much like to start my own business sometime in the future (this is something I've said occasionally in the past). Wife says, "Ya know, every time I hear you say that, I cringe." She explained that she said this because she believes that I do not have the personality or work ethic to successfully run my own business. Also, because of that, she's terrified that I would quit my secure job to start my own business... then fail, and not be able to support our family, provide insurance, etc. I said that I cringe when she says things like that, knowing that my wife doesn't believe in me or support me. I said, "Ya know honey, if you said you wanted to become a professional lion tamer and join the circus, I'd believe you could do it, because I believe you can accomplish anything." This discussion has me conflicted: Is it crappy that my wife feels this way about me? Or should I just accept and respect her opinion, even if I disagree with it? - and if so, how can I not feel upset that my wife doesn't believe in me or support me? Thoughts?
I believe one of the most important aspect in a relationship is to believe in your partner and support his/ her goal. If she can't do that, then you have a major problem.
I think it's totally understandable. Plus I always thought that women prefer a man who can support them than a man with just looks. At least what I've seen first hand. Can't you just start a small time business on the side while you still work your usual job?
Tricky situation. On one hand, you have to respect her for just being honest about what she's thinking/feeling. And on the other, I would probably be a little hurt myself if my SO said that to me. But I also believe in my SO enough that if he did say something like that to me, I'd really have to evaluate my abilities and work ethics because he just might be right about it.
I have both. .. and I'd still like to start my own business. Yes, but it's the principle that's bothering me here.
Not if shes right. If kids are involved I agree with her, if they arent I agree with you. Risks are Magnified with kids, but if they arent then why not give it a shot.
Some people are risk takers, some are not. And some people talk about taking risks and then never do it.
Hard to evaluate this one without pics (of you, your wife, and the car you were driving during the conversation).
Have you ever given her a reason to think the way she does? How long have you known each other? Personally, I'd rather my wife give me her honest opinion than blindly encouraging me to follow some dream. After all, she knows me as well as (and sometimes better than) I know myself. With her telling you how and why she believes, that should give you a starting point if you do decide to pursue your own business.
This is not necessarily true. There are millions of successful business owners in this country... and I could be one of them. In fact, I'm sure that I could do a better job than many of them. So her perception is not necessarily realistic. It's just realistic to her.
You need to read MEN ARE FROM MARS... I think it describes well how WOMEN think of LONG-TERM stuff, and us men think SHORT-TERM stuff. She's thinking about the FUTURE OF THE FAMILY, while you're thinking about the NOW and WHAT COULD BE DONE. I would advise you learn how to swim WELL before you jump into the widest, longest, deepest pool you can find. Seems like she knows you well to warn you, or she's just being an ass. I am willing to bet that if you married this lady and you chose her to be your lawfully wedded spouse, and she chose you, it's the former, not the latter.
Does she have a job? I'd feel that if not, maybe she should've gone with something different, like supporting your decision and help out with her time or something like that. Either way, it's probably not very plausible to quit your day job to start a business just based on the idea that you do have a family, BUT starting one on the side and investing in it seems like a great idea in my opinion.
Yes. It is true. Better be damn sure you can do a better job than 90 out of every 100 of them, because only 10% of small businesses ever succeed. You should thank her for checking you on this one.
I would have preferred she said something like: "Honey, I believe in you, and want you to be happy, but I worry that over 90% of businesses fail and I would hate for you to quit your secure job and then have one of those businesses that don't quite make it" But she said basically she doesn't believe that YOU have what it takes....THAT to me is a problem. For the record, I have started 2 businesses, both of them successfully sold to another business, it is a TOUGH TOUGH go of it, and in the first one I paid my people for 6 months without taking a single penny myself, and my wife was getting the severe RED ass about it. Fortunatly it worked out, but I will never do it that way again. Now, as I am embarking on my 3rd venture and in the "Seeking funding" stage, my wife and I are at odds as to how long we "Seek funds"....but at least now she is more on my side. And, we have a good nest egg to carry us for a good long while....even though the stock market has hurt us a bit in the last few months. So, I would have a talk about her concerns but if it centers around her disbelief in you, it would bug the crap out of me. DD
Yeah. She believes that, to be a successful business owner, you have to wake up at 5 am every day and work late every day (including weekends). That you have to be completely, 100% absorbed with the business. And that all such behavior is natural to the type of person that owns a successful business. And since she has not seen these qualities in me, she cringes. But I believe it's different when you work for "the man" than when you work for yourself. Since she's only seen me work for "the man", she has no idea what I'd be like if I was self-employed. Incidentally, I've kept a steady and secure 8-5 job throughout the 11 years we've been married, with the exception of 2000, when the IT bubble burst. And even then, I successfully found countract work all year to suppor the family. I have always been a very secure provider for my family.
If you want the business to be successful, you live the business.....at least early on....... Maybe her fear, really is that you will get so into the business and ignore her and the family....it can and does happen. DD
That's just her way of saying..."You don't even help me wash or fold the clothes and you expect to be mr. entrepreneur"
I agree with you on this. But, because I've spent my career working for someone else, I don't "live the business". People who have no vested interest don't live the business. Now, that doesn't mean I'm not aggressive or passionate at succeeding in my work, I constantly strive to improve my career. But that's not the same as living the business. And, yeah, her disbelief in me bugs the crap out of me.
