Here's the situation (sorry for the long story): Late 2009 - My in-laws had informed my wife and I that they were wanting to move to TX from FL. Since there was no more family around in FL, (my wife moved out here in 2003, her 2 sisters moved out in '07, I think) they felt that was the best decision to move forward with. March 2010 - My mother-in-law, since deciding they were going to move here, she wanted me to assist her in obtaining her nursing license in TX. My father-in-law was going to be retiring in December. June 2010 - We found out we were pregnant with our daughter. So I'm thinking, with them moving here, I get to save on money by not putting my daughter in daycare and she will be around family (save $1100/month). I had high expectations that this plan was going to happen. There was one flaw in the plan - selling their house/renting it out and bills/loans. Well, with this market, they weren't going to get much value for it, but they knew that also. At that time, bills/loans, they paid whatever they could and were ok still with the moving. December 2010 - My mother-in-law went back to FL before December and my in-laws decided to come back down for Christmas. We were also getting their final decision on moving here. Well, they dropped the bomb on us that they couldn't move. I had put all my eggs in their basket and it got stomped. Well, since that decision in 2010, my in-laws and my family have gone through a rough time. My mother-in-law had a job, lost it, got another one, and lost that one too. My father-in-law was forced into retirement early because the place he worked at shutdown early. So he's been bumming it at home with unemployment. But last month, life got worse for him because his father and mother both passed away within a span of a few weeks. For my family, my daughter has getting sick constantly from the daycare and she has passed it on to us almost every weekend. And the fact of her being away from family and from us everyday kills us since we have to work full-time. Well, now.....Monday (3/12), they are coming into Dallas and they are giving us hope again of moving to TX. My wife is on the fence with them moving into our house and taking care of my daughter. She wants her parents to move in with us to take care of my daughter, but also feels that our daughter is starting to gain that social aspect from daycare and has also warmed up to going to daycare. I, on the other hand, would love for them to move in with us so I can save the money on daycare ($1100/month)....but being around family a lot might push her development back. Another thing, from a living standpoint, when you have your ways set at home and like it just the way you have it, you don't want it rocked. Well, with my in-laws, when I try to correct certain things they do when they are at my house, well, they get irked by it. So that's another thing I will have to be humble about and let go....but it'll be hard. Now with all these details, what do you guys think?
Depends what you price your sanity at I would not base the decision of them moving in soley based on the saving of money. I mean, can you really handle them being in your house 24/7? I'd think long and hard about what everyday life would be like with them living there...not just the idea that you are saving money.
I would not want my in-laws living with us. But, everyone has a different relationship with their relatives, so you may be OK with it. Can you do a couple days at daycare and a couple with the inlaws? That's assuming the inlaws have their own home... if they're living with you, it's pointless to have your kid go to daycare. I don't have a kid, so I'm probably a bad person to advise on this matter.
It all depends on how much you need $1100 dollars? Financial goals? Debt? Really I would love for my parents (In-Lawas) to move in with us and help us take care of our baby boy.. Sure I would have to live with some crap but that $1100 goes a long way for me. Now if I was well off and $1100 didn't mean that much then Hell NO... :grin:
You have to weigh your income vs how uncomfortable it would be to have them there...only you have the answer to that.
Hey I feel your pain with the daycare situation. We both work full time so our baby went to daycare very early, and for about 3 months all three of us were continually sick. It was depressing and infuriating. There's nothing worse than a 3 month continuous cold and being tired as first time parents. I have to say that at around 1 year old, our baby all of a sudden stopped getting as many colds, and we started not catching everything he brought home. I think eventually your immune system strengthens after fighting off so many colds. So in retrospect, I value the social training that our baby got from daycare, and feel like it was worth it despite all the sickness. What is interesting here is that your wife is the one that's apprehensive about having her own parents move in. By the sheer fact you're so open to this means that you probably have a pretty good relationship with your in-laws. That is great. In that case then the decision comes down to the value of $1100 vs. the inconvenience of having more people living at your house - it's always more work and stress when you have guests staying over.
i have a great relationship with my parents. that said, i don't think i could stand them staying at my house 24/7. if it's my sanity or $1100, i'd probably shell out the $1100.
as others have noted, i think having your in-laws living in your house would be a no-go. having them very close by, and watching your daughter would be fine, imo. I think socialization at a day-care is certainly a plus to daycare, but it also overlooks being around family, which is awesome in it's own right. I think it's folly to say staying at home would save $1,100 but she wouldn't get socialized. For one, you can still do "classes" at a cost of much less than $1,100 - some free even, see the library - that would work on socialization. For two, your daughter gets to grow up very close to her family, instead of in daycare 5 days a week. That doesn't discount the positive aspects of daycare, just notes that there will be plenty of time for your daughter to get socialization and five day a week classes when she starts actual school. I have a 2 year old. He goes to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This helps get him socialized. This also gives my wife a "break", which she'll need because baby brother is due any day now. It's also less than half the $1,100 per month you're paying. And grandma is close by so gets to see him and help babysit whenever she wants the 5 days a week he's not in school. I think it's the best of both worlds.
I made the assumption that my wife's parents (live 15 mins away) would all but move in with us once we gave them their only grandchild. Holy cow was I wrong. Something I've learned in short order - while some grandparents do, a lot don't want to be caregivers. My mom (also in town) likes spending a day with him once every few weeks, my dad (5 hrs away) loves seeing him once every 6 weeks or so, but her parents are generally only down for us bringing him over to their place for a visit. They straight up whine if we ask them to babysit, and it's only happened three times in over two years. We expected her parents would take him at least twice a week, but wow was that off base. SO - I don't know, but I hope you aren't simply assuming that your in-laws WANT to be a 5 day a week daycare service. The daycare crud blows, but it gets much better after a year and they come away with a stronger immune system for it. The money also stinks, but take your time and shop around...but don't compromise on quality. Adjust your budget as best as you can. Kids aren't supposed to be cheap. Daycare is good for the social aspect (they NEED to learn how to share and take in authority) and learning. Our place has given us a huge jump on potty training, and our toddler can already recite the alphabet. His vocabulary is through the roof - and wouldn't be if he was just loafing around at home. Basically, those teachers can do a lot of the "dirty work" for you. If I were in your shoes, I'd try and thread the needle a little - look for a daycare that might cut you a break if your child goes 3 days a week and stays with the in-laws Mon and Fri. You should cover yourself - because there's a chance granny and grandpa might pull out of the sitting gig.
so true. never have kids assuming your parents/in-laws will babysit. they will demand a grandchild from you and make empty promises of free daycare.
Ehh, I think socialization is overrated. All kids are different, so who knows, but I don't put a lot of stock by it and value interaction with family more. I do think the in-laws willingness and competence to babysit is something to think hard about. I have a lot of family in town and still need to hire help because my relatives are either bad at it, or not willing to give us as much time as we really need. Then you have more people in your house and the social dynamics that come with that. But, if all those things are good, keep your $1100.
Oh man, I could write a novel on this one.... I may have to break my rule of never posting from home and revisit this thread tonight...
Perhaps your culture is different from other people's culture in this BBS, perhaps the same, but if I had to weigh in on something like this and with what I've been through, I would say PLAN YOUR OWN and YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY's LIFE around each other, not around "the in-laws'" life. I would recommend not to have expectations from other people than your own, and knowing that the only thing that is certain is that the future is uncertain (however difficult that may be to grasp), think about your kid's future. Sure, she might pick up some colds or flu every now and then, but from having a spouse who's used to being in the daycare world, I know that social interaction from kids in daycare is a lot better than no interaction with a kid only at home with the grandparents. In the daycare, the responsibility is of the caregivers and they are paid to do a good job of caring for your kids. Hopefully the place where you're thinking about taking them is certified or at least licensed. Let your in-laws live their lives. If you had a chance to include them in yours, perhaps you could have included them in your plans and informed them well before they lost jobs or sold homes, and maybe they would have accepted coming over just to see their grandchild grow up together with you... but I know it's too late to see this. You can talk to them about how you truly feel without hiding things from them, and they may not like it, but they're down on their luck and need to retire to a place where they can feel comfortable (who better than their daughter?), and their son-in-law whom I hope treats them well. Don't hide things from them if you want to include them in your plans. I say DAYCARE, but still offer your in-laws to come over. Let them know what you desire MOST. In essence, DO let your in-laws know what your FULL intentions are. Good luck, sir.
M, W, F have inlaws take care and T, Th send them to daycare. You definitely want to keep your kid socially active.
^^^ Better suggestion is better. Nice middle-ground compromise meet halfway gray area PC agreement recommendation, sir. Most daycares will still charge full monthly tuition for a couple days, though... hopefully that wins out in the end and they agree to pay pro-rated.
There can be only one rooster in the hen-house. Are you the **** of the walk, or is your baby-momma daddy? Will your mother-in-law accept the rule of the land if she moves in? Your kids are going to catch these bugs eventually. Don't believe that socializing crap. Your kids will be fine if they're at home until Kindergarten.
It's not like he has NEVER considered daycare... he WANTS to put his child in daycare. He's not trying to decide between "daycare and home", he's trying to decide between "daycare or in-laws." Read QBall's suggestion again. Daycare prepares them for kindergarten and can even teach kindergarten. Why would you, having the chance, not give the child this option and forcing the in-laws to teach him what daycare people get paid to do while babysitting? While I would never invite my in-laws to stay at my home, except only if they're down on their luck, he has a special case with them. The father-in-law will NOT think of himself as a "rooster" again, and neither should the mother-in-law.
do you want to live with your inlaws? do your inlaws want to take care of your kids? do you want them to take care of your kids? If there's a no or a not sure to any of those questions steer clear of your original plan. (And non-daycare kids can socialize a tonne. Mine did. No shortage of programs and groups to participate with. Even....unstructured neighborhood groups if you dare).
