Sadly I fear there are many on this BBS who could have written it. July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me another one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong. July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am? July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused. July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online. July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about communications software. Bet they didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound. July 26 - What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not this internet thing. I'm confused. July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all. July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone. July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm connected to America Online not usenet. July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard. JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION. AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON. AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA! HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES. AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE. AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES. AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE PROFANITY. AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET? August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its probably an extra feature that costs more money. August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so exited. I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find. August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will have to work on it some more. August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the earth. I wonder what an aol is. August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked but I can't find that group. August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad words. August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add that short story I like. August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.
sounds like it could be half the people i know! (even the tech support people at my old job! ) uhh.. what's the difference between rj45 and rj11 connectors? how do these people get thier jobs??? oh, thats right, must be blackmail pictures!!!
There was an email circulating around some time ago, about 2 or 3 years ago I think, which detailed nightmare tech support calls. Since reading that, I haven't called my CD-ROM anything but a "drink holder". Before the Snopes watchdogs come and rain on my parade, I will say that many of those may or may not be true, yet were entirely believable due to my very very good friend's mom. Edit: I found a page with some of these stories. http://www.huskycolors.com/nightmares.html
oh i worked tech support as a summer internship in college, and let me tell you that a lot of those alleged ULs are actually true! the stories i could tell you guys about calls i got and trips i made to client offices to fix "computer problems"... man i could write one hell of a tell all book on a certain prominent company in Houston!
A lot of those are true, I used to work tech support and some of the calls I received either made me want to strangle the caller or I couldn't control my laughter. Here is one of the funniest calls I have ever received. The call was from a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company where I worked. All sales reps were furnished with laptops. The lady calls and says that her laptop won't start and it was working fine the day before. So I went thru the usual questions ... is the battery charged? is it properly installed? if so, can you plug in the power supply and see if it works. Ok ... all fine ... so, is the power on button jammed? We spend a good 35-40 minutes going thru this routine. To her credit, she was extremely sweet and was making smalltalk in between checking the various things. All the while I was asking her if there was anything different she had done between yesterday and today, and she was like no. I don't know how, but after a longtime she says 'I left the laptop bag on the driveway and "lightly" backed over it, but it looks ok' It must have looked rude, but I couldn't stop laughing, not just laughing ... snorting, on the floor kinda laugh! I've seen people with a piece of paper taped on the spacebar saying 'Any key' ... A guy once unplugged his laptop on Friday, comes back Monday and the thing wouldn't power on, he calls the help desk, and I went over to his office ... dumbass is getting mad at ME cuz it wouldn't start. On the phone I ask him, is the power plugged in and he, very condescendingly, tells me 'of course it is!' ... I was pretty nasty to him once I plugged it back in! My other favorite is when a printer goes down ... if your first document didn't print ... sending the same doc 100 times over is NOT going to make it print. If your printer has gone down ... sending it to every network printer won't help! --rockit
Funny stuff. -personal true story I turned my dad onto computers back when DOS was still handy. He never understood that it was pronounced DOS and not dos (as in spanish for 2). I'm soooooo glad that time period is over. RR
