So, the ex is filing papers today, so I feel it's time to get back on the horse. Of course, I run into this girl I went to high school with that's extremely gorgeous and would be perfect for a fun, no committment type thing which is exactly what I'm looking for right now. The problem is, last year, she was dating one of my good friends. He ended it around September of last year and has been seeing another girl very seriously since December. They've moved in together and we expect word anyday that they're engaged. Our group of friends has seen him probably two or three times in the past six months. Anyway, I run into her last week, tell her the story about the marriage ending and we've been chatting ever since with obvious interest on both sides. I thought it would be courteous if I mentioned it to my buddy which the rest of the group figured wasn't even necessary. His response was that he would never do that to one of his friends. He said I'd do what I had to do, but that he wouldn't do it. Advice?
I think that was a hint that he really didn't want you to do it. If you think this will somehow affect your relationship with him, I would not do it. Otherwise go for it.
I think it depends on what kind of relationship they had. If it was just a casual thing, just went out a few times, then it shouldn't be a big deal. If they were serious then in my opinion it isn't cool.
"If youre not gonna drink the water, let it run". In other words if he wants nothing to do with her, then let someone else have her. Who other than a friend. A good friend would say go for it, of course at your own risk (women are crazy). You will find that dating all over again takes a lot of getting used to and in some cases there are withdrawal symtoms, such as you have to be with someone desprately because you don't know how to be alone (my friends who came out of long term relationships are like that). Might as well get back on that horse and start the transition.
Meh. I feel every friend has the right to name one girl as "off limits." If he's dating someone else seriously, he doesn't have the right to name the last one as his off limit one. You let him know about it, so you aren't sneaking around on him with it. It might sting his ego a bit, but he'll get over it. I personally would do it, if I were you.
If you have hardly seen the guy recently, chances are you'll hardly be talking to him at all in 5-10 years. So if you have an interest in this girl, I say go for it.
well if it's just going to be a NSA sport fling, then i would say don't do it. why risk *potentially* ruining your friendship if it's just going to be a roll in the sack. that said, if there is a distinct possibility that it could develop into something substantial, i would say to tell your friend. the way i see it, you could go bang anyone. why step into your friend's backyard? why even run the risk of jeopardizing it...unless, of course, she was just a banger for him, too. that said, if he was serious about her, and you could potentially be serious about her too, call him up and have the "man talk". let him know your intentions. he should be cool with it and respect the hell out of you for doing so...
Sorry to hear about your impending divorce. If you are close to the friend then I'd discuss it. If you aren't that close then give her a whirl.
i dont get it...what would he care? he is well on his way to marriage, an ex girl shouldnt mean anything to him. Unless he just has some type of possessive thing going on or he is still in love with her...but in both those cases thats his problem. If he's happy with his curent chick and a real friend he should be giving you tips and telling you to go wax that. It always helps to do that when you get out of a serious relationship.
if your friend doesn't give a crap about what you need, why the heck do you care about what he needs? did he pause to consider your feelings before he told you no? all's fair in love and war, bro. if he were still in love with the girl, then maybe out of pity, you'd stay your hand. but if he is shagging some other chick, what right does he have to order his friends and his ex to stay celibate?
yeah, i think he shouldn't have any stake in this since he's in a serious relationship. Additionally, I think you've done your duty by running it by him first. Just the heads up is enough, in my opinion. However, as verse said...if it's likely to be just a fling, then it's not worth pursuing if your friend has hinted at a negative impact. Maybe you'd be better off talking casually some more to see if it really might lead somewhere..
It sounds like you and this guy arent really that close anymore if you have only seen him twice in the last 6 months. If he was still hung up on her, then I'd obviously say stay away. But it sounds like he has moved on, so I'd say go for it.
Your friend is nuts. If he and the woman had broken up painfully, and he was still getting over it, then he'd have a point saying what he did. However, he is shacked up with another woman right now. The first woman is fair game. I would hit it like a 300 pound man hitting a Shoney's buffet if I were in your shoes. She sounds like exactly what you need right now. Your friend needs to shut the hell up and have fun with the woman he's living with, and you need to show his ex what a real man is like!
Sounds like your friend is trying to get a tad territorial. I would have no problems poaching that tang in your situtation.
I wouldn't do it. But I generally value a friendship with a buddy over a relationship with a girl. Reason is the friendship with the buddy usually lasts longer. But if you haven't seen or talked to your buddy in 6 months and are living in the same city, then he might not be a very good friend to begin with.
