Ive found myself in a world I havent been in in almost 3 years. I really think that it is impossible to actually date people once you are out of the enormous gene pool that college gives you. It is such a wierd transition. You dont have all of the outlets and countless numbers of friends who can hook you up. Any good advice?? Lets just forget for a moment that most women have major psychological issues....... ------------------ "We make more, but we spend more." Patrick Ewing
Lets just forget for a moment that most women have major psychological issues....... Might I just suggest that this particular attitude won't make finding someone to date any easier. Just a thought. ------------------ The internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. - Futurama
That attitude doesn't hurt Drewdog at all. It is no different than women saying, "all men are jerks." Hell, 80% of the women I dated in and out of college had issues preventing them from just being themselves around boyfriends, especially in bed. That is a fact for me. The most outgoing, friendly, loveable, intelligent, and sexy (wow!!!) women I ever dated, who everyone loved and no one thought had issues....had issues. (so is heyschweetie watching, she can't see me talking about old girlfriends.) So, she gave me a list a rules in bed, what we would and wouldn't do...on the surface, that is fine, just stating your preference. But it was a matter of degree....weird. Somewhat on the level of Achebe saying "Don't make any noise, babe." Now finding someone to marry is different. Issues are part of the relationship. But he is not saying that. He is talking about dating. Nothing worse than dating someone for fun, and having fun things in common, but absolutely not ready for long-term commitment and then she starts crying about family and past boyfriends and how she hates herself....and the dreaded "you are the only one who understands." uh' next... [This message has been edited by heypartner (edited May 17, 2001).]
Drewdog, My best advice is that you are simply experiencing a dry spell. Have patience. Let it come to you. Get outside. Leave this BBS. We are not the answer!! And DO NOT make the classic mistake of a long term relationship you don't feel good about, just because you are worried about where you are going to get your next meal. Ali Cat's never worry about such things. "Wait for it. Wait for it." And for smeggysakes, don't date anyone at work, or in your apartment building.
I dated someone from work once. Next Wednesday will be 15 years of marriage since that first date. ------------------ I always thought "With my talent, it's only a matter of time before I'm discovered". Now I think "With my talent, it's only a matter of time before I'm found out".
It does get tougher when you don't have the social framework of college. Get involved in some sort of activity, outside work, that's structured (has a point and objective other than just hanging around bars) and isn't exclusively for the purpose of meeting people to date. Nothing worse than having that pressure on you. It's best to get to know the women first, maybe even before you consider "dating" them. Yes, women do have issues. And we don't think we should have to be ashamed. After all, aren't we all trying to get through life as best we can, and it gets hard sometimes, and doesn't it help to have somebody to talk to? Well, that's what we think. Apparently most males don't see it that way. They see it as "hangups" and think it's negative (just to have emotions and be human and honest?). Obviously I have the female point of view here, but maybe men really are "from Mars"; I used to just think my man was insensitive, but it looks like men are just wired to think and feel differently. Sigh. I despair of ever finding common ground between the sexes right now. ------------------ Isabel,clutchcity.net lurker since 1996 All your base are belong to Heypartner.
Hell, 80% of the women I dated in and out of college had issues preventing them from just being themselves around boyfriends, especially in bed. Now, why doesn't that surprise me? ------------------ The internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. - Futurama
Me too, but we are only coming up on 4 years. CK ------------------ CC.Net Sim Homepage For stats, standings and team information.
This is the classic women comment. Isabel, you are absolutely right. Everyone has issues. Everyone needs someone to talk to. The difference is (which I believe Drewdog is stressing): Women often expect their new boyfriend should be that someone, at least if we are talking stereotypes here. Stereotypically, men deal with their issues outside of asking their girlfriend to help. Because you know what...if men bring up their issues with a new girlfriend...cya...they are gone. I made that mistake at age 19...never again. People bonding around "issues" is what friends are for, and spouses, families. Using issues to bond in a one-month sexual relationship is called codependency.
And why am I not surprised that you would advise Drewdog that helping dates with their issues will help his sex life. The classic "sensitive man ploy". And here's a smiley for yeah... My point is that I've dated with great fun to encounter issues within the first month cycle (often dropping the idea of sex, to remain just friends): (deleted .... too much information ... and heyschweetie caught a glimpse of it) I'm sorry; one month relationships based on dating and sex are not the platform for issues. Family and frieds are. Otherwise you are headed for codependency. Even if you choose to be the friend, that is often not what they wanted, if dating was the entry to meeting. Everyone has issues, but women tend to bring them into a casual relationship more often than men...and really, both sides usually bail on signs of issues anyhow. [This message has been edited by heypartner (edited May 17, 2001).]
With me its a simple problem of wearing my heart on my sleeve way too much. I feel like I have to tell everyone about my ex-girlfriend, why we broke up, etc. Thats why I lose in the relationship game every time. I dont have that "mystery" aura that girls dig. The getting part was easy (in college), the keeping part is where I get lost. ------------------ "We make more, but we spend more." Patrick Ewing
I have plenty of mystery. Now where are the chicks!? ------------------ My dream job is to be a Houston Rockets towel boy.
Relationships are all about working out your problems. That is the nature of them. That includes dates, wives, girlfriends, family members, close friends, etc. That doesn't mean you have to have a therapy session on your first date (or even in the first month), but being intimate requires opening up and expressing yourself. It also requires realizing that you have just as many issues as the person you are with. We get into relationships with people who are mirrors of ourselves. The stronger your feelings for a person, the more likely it is that you need to hear what they have to say and need to recognize those feelings in yourself. I know how you feel. I used to have trouble with women because I wore my heart on my sleeve too. I used to attract rather unstable people into my life because I hid my own instability by trying to be ultra responsible and NEVER losing my cool - getting mad, drinking too much, avoiding passionate attractions, etc. What happened was that the women that found me most attractive were the one's that were the most unstable. We both wanted what the other had. I wanted to cut loose some and they wanted to settle down some. Relationships aren't easy. Sometimes, especially early on in relationships, we have to censor ourselves when it comes to specifics. Just be general. You can open up about your feelings on relationships in general without discussing specifics. That is good for both of you. ------------------ The internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. - Futurama [This message has been edited by Jeff (edited May 17, 2001).]
Actually, most men that I know are looking for sensitive, caring women. But, alot of women these days seem to care about looks and the bottom line. It's all about the benjamins with alot of women. ------------------ "norm, would you like to buy an indian scalp ? This deal isn't gonna make or break me Norm, so don't jerk me around." Harry Carey "Norm, if I had a mohawk scalp, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."
what are "issues" anyway? some people tend to overreact over the smallest things ever and others can stand up to adversery. ------------------
what are "issues" anyway? some people tend to overreact over the smallest things ever and others can stand up to adversery. ------------------
Do the things you enjoy, and that way you will meet women who enjoy doing the same things you do. ------------------ "Blues is a Healer" --John Lee Hooker
Hilarious!!! I see nothing wrong with dating co-workers. As long as they're planning on leaving the department/company within a month as my current girlfriend did.
Only three years removed from college, finding it hard to meet someone to date, and not necessarily looking for an LTR? What's wrong with dating from the college pool, now? A person's perspective changes when they graduate from college. So it's un-likely anyone you date (who is in college) expects a serious commitment. * * I could be wrong. University (Long-Term Relationship or Lifetime of Re-Runs) Blue ------------------
Make FRIENDS with the girls at work. If you see two of them together....and you've had friendly conversations with them in the past....ask them both to go to lunch with you. They will feel pretty confident you aren't scamming if you ask them both. Make it obvious that you DON'T date girls at work....and make yourself believe it, too. Talk to them, but encourage them to talk too. Don't try to be a STUD, but don't be a wuss either. Try to have a sense of humour, even if it's making jokes at your own expense. Be yourself. If they like you but know that you are unavailable (because you don't date co-workers), they'll find someone for you to meet. Women are great like that. I used to have big issues with women....because they were so different. (Strangely, I did real "well" with them when I was an *******....but when I stopped being an A-hole, I ended up with a better class of woman). I no longer have issues with them because I realized that we all are just going through life trying to find the things that make us the happiest. Social mores dictate different things for the sexes, and thus, we go about things differently. That of course, goes above and beyond the inherent differences. Regardless, for the most part, women are quite wonderful. It will do you some good to have a few of them as friends anyway. ------------------ stop posting my damn signature
