I'm not sure what to say here, or even if it's right of me to say it, but here goes something... My best friend is a coach at a very rich snooty private school. His family is deeply involved in that community (every member works either for that school or a school in general). Recently he started to date one of his underage athletes (he's 22 and she's 16). He met with her parents, and they seem like they're ok with it all, but his parents don't know a thing about the situation. I know for a fact that they aren't having sex, and that the probably won't. He's catholic, and she's abstinence to hell and back. Things got kinda intense between those two and other students started to speculate the two were dating. In an attempt to diffuse the situation my friend quit his job, however, his family is still deeply tied to that school. I've never been completely ok with the two dating, i'm not ok with dating underage girls. I mean, my new lady friend is 19, and I feel like a sicko (i'm 22, turning 23 in October). When all this happened I sat him down and I was like, "you have to either completely cut yourself and your family off from the school, or you need to break it off with her" and yet he thinks to a certain extent, he can have both. I'm at a loss. Personally, I think they shouldn't date at all, but it's kinda hard to tell your friend you think his girlfriend could ruin his life. What can I do? I mean, according to Arizona legislature, as long as there's no sex he's fine, legally of course. At the same token, isn't there something wrong with a 16 and 22 yr old dating? Am i secretly turning into a republican? I guess the main thing i'm struggling with is that I can't convey to him how serious this situation is! He doesn't get it, every time we discuss if he were to get caught, he thinks nothing will and can happen. What would you do if your best friend was shooting himself in the foot like this?
22 dating a 16 year old is too young. He's giving up a lot (might end up losing alot) for a 16 year old that will probably lose interest in a couple of months. I thought the conflict of interest would be you like Dominoes or something.
while I do agree that age difference is not the best thing for either one of them, i'm not sure why you think his family needs to cut ties with that school. i mean he quit his job and as long as the girls parents are aware of the situation - why hold his family accountable for actions they can't control. what will cutting their ties gain, and is there some sort of specific issue you fear with regards to his family?
Without completely going into detail, his dad works for the school and coaches a variety of teams, many of which, my friend's girlfriend is on. His sister too. The other issue is that his dad went to bat for his son, saying the two weren't dating, and that even implying that is an insult. Basically, his dad thinks they aren't dating, so he was really combative. Essentially, my fear for him is that if the school finds out, they'll fire everyone. This isn't a public school, it's private school where the tuition is close to $10,000 a semester. I don't know if that kinda gives an idea how these parents are. I'm just worried that basically if any of the parents of the kids find out, it's over for everyone involved. Money is powerful thing...
What was the reason he gave his parents for quitting his job? Seems like if they're so tied to the school, they would know about this.
He lied and said he wants to take school more seriously. He says he wants to focus on finishing and above all start the application process for grad school. it's a bunch of BS.
Be there for your friend, but let him live his own life. His mistakes are his own to make. It sounds like his mind is made up. Even if it isn't, he's may already be in too deep.
in some respects yes, she's pretty smart, and she is very responsible, but at the same token, she's 16. At 16, what do your really even know about yourself?
If you're secretly turning into a republican, then you will accept your friend when his girl turns up pregnant a year from now. =) If he's happy, then just let him be happy as long as it's legal.
Honestly. . . you friend is a selfish *ss This part of the story distresses me . . . YOU FATHER WENT TO BAT FOR YOU . .and you going to let him down let him down in a way that could RUIN him A sex scandal for a coach . . . even the hint is CAREER SUICIDE If this gets out. . . his dad will be painted as PIMPING HIS GIRLS to his son and that would NOT BE KEWL I don't know much about your friend or his dad but if this is a nice money'd school . . .they don't take every geek on the street to be a coach . .it is a position that is worked up too earned a bit .. . and all that is flushed because his son's d*ck gets hard for a 16 yr old??? Am I being too harsh? Maybe I am but the second he step on that campus. . . ON HIS FATHER'S SAY SO then had his Father goto bat for him IT WAS NOT LONGER ABOUT JUST HIM AND HER . . . His father put his trust, faith and CAREER on his son Ask your friend . . . If his dad loss his job . . which would probably mean his reputation as well . . . what will *he* do to make up for it??? SORRY AIn'T GONNA CUT IT . . . the old man will forgive. . but it will be a tough pill to swallow Knowing you kid screwed you life behind some young peice of tail His father will be without a paycheck . . . will the sister still be able to enjoy the benefits of this great school??? 10k??? So her life has to change I'm all for love but . .. if it is love it will be there in 2 yrs Rocket River
funny, when I was dating 16 year olds, their parents never seemed to approve of the fact that I was 22.
Stop living his life for him. I'm sure he knows the age difference is abnormal, but why let this affect your relationship with him? My brother (26) just got married to a girl that was in the same situation (21 now). They started dating five years ago. Yes it was a bit weird in the beginning because we all made fun of him about the age (it was his first serious girlfriend) - but you know what, she's the best thing that ever happened to him. Forget all the family ties and see it for what it is...a guy likes a girl and the girl likes the guy. If you strongly disapprove of his relationship with her it's not going to affect it much - what it will do, however, is ruin your friendship with him... and it's your decision, not his, that will have caused this.
I see your opinion is a bit biased and it appears its a reflection on yourself. He's 22. He is an adult. His family should have nothing to do with this, especially if he quit his work. Take the age out of the equation ... for the both of them. Look at the maturity aspect. There are many 22 year olds who act like children as there are 16 year olds who are more mature than many of the males that post on this site. None of us know either of the two and you already have your opinion set, so what more are you wanting to know?
