Calling all Comedian, Speechwriters and those married : The Speech

Is that an Austrailian custom? The tradition at US weddings is for the father of the bride, the best man and, sometimes, the maid or matron of honor to give a toast or speech. Occassionally, other family members or friends will give a toast, but usually not the bride and/or groom.

 

Smeg, I didn't think you sounded nervous in your conversation with Rudy... I meant to point that out earlier.

Be self deprecating and honest, people laugh (and empathize) with the truth... since we're all dorks.

 

Have you seen Four Weddings And A Funeral? If so, and you remember Hugh Grant's speech, copy that tone of whimsy, humour, romance and self-deprecation...women swoon over that speech, and guys find it non-threatening and funny. All of my roommates get all mushy whenever they watch that...granted he was best man, but it's the tone I'm talking about, not the substance. I agree with previous posts except you just have to get some romance in their, albeit from the heart, as non-guyish as that sounds.

 

If I could say a few words......I'd be a better public speaker.

Then, hold for the rim shot, and exit.

 

really?? i've seen grooms give the thank you speech at rehearsal dinners...i did that as well...

 

seen those keystone light ads?

"she wasn't so much fat as she was big-boned, really."

 

OK let's begin...

What are your wedding colors? Commenting on how much you despise them and for what reason is usually pretty funny.

Cheap or Expensive? "I would've been OK with going to someone else's wedding, standing behind that bride and groom and saying, 'We do too'!"

Is the bride wearing white? Jokes about her viriginity(or lack thereof) always get a big laugh...especially from her parents!

"That was some bachelor party last night, until the dude from "Cheaters" showed up. Boy was (The Maid of Honor) embarrassed. The implication is that the maid of honor was the dancer...I think it's hella funny.

Shall we discuss?

 

AB, I'm rolling just reading those few bits.

have you ever thought about doing comedy?

 

talk about the reception guests. don't talk about yourself. pick your best friends and family and tell a little story about them in a wedding theme. Leaving people out is OK, as long as you have a theme for who you chose to talk about...like stick to best of best friends and first family...that allows you to skip boss/co-worker, spouse friends/family, and new/casual friends.

i actually didn't do a reception speech; i was foolish enough to do it at the wedding, so I didn't have to ask a friend to speak. it went great, but the stress leading up to it is a little too much. at the reception, if you lose focus, you can always bail and have a safe out like,

"well, don't want to keep you all from talking about me while having dinner on me."

so, have an "out" line in case you get stuck, and stick to stories that you have said a lot or have thought about a lot. Stay away from quoted text...that is the job of those who toast you.

let them toast you
and you roast them

 

I hate giving this one up, but it is absolutely hysterical.

First... buy about fifty keys; they're about .30 cents a pice, so it's not that expensive.

Next, give every guy in their you can find a key. Tell them they will know what to do with it when the time comes.

After that, find the bride's grandmother, or any old lady and give her a key; again tell her she will know what to do with it later.

Now, when you are giving the speech, let everyone know that the bride is OFF the market now, and if anyone still has keys to her place they need to bring them up and put them into said bowl placed on whatever table.

After said men have placed the keys in the bowl, you say "now it's only fair that the groom should have to take himself off the market, as well, so all of the women who have a key to the groom's house need to give it up as well.

Que the grandmother who feebily walks up and places it in the bowl.

I'm telling you, this had my friends ROLLING when we did it.

Cheers.