Jeez, this is awkward. What does one say at this point. I mean we have been going steady since I was 15. That's 25 years, and we have been through SO MUCH together. I NEVER in a million years thought I would leave you. I loved you from the very first kiss, and I never stopped. 25 years is an eternity...I mean I wonder what is the point in ending it now. Least I thought that til yesterday. It's the penultimate break up cliche but I mean it...it's not you it's me. The truth is I can't handle you. Maybe I never could. People LOVE you. I mean go in any bar and they line up nine deep to seek your favor. All different backgrounds too, all they want to do is hang with you. I am still absolutely in love with the idea of you. In my mind men drink, especially those who consider themselves artists. It's not like I have a helluva lot in common with "the boys" anyway. Drinking, sports and poker that's about it. People say you are poison, but I don't care. True love is like that. Thing is, I was totally prepared to let you kill me. Shuffle off this mortal coil, play my Hemingway/Bogie card...last hand pays for all. Then you did the only thing you could do to make me void our little contract. Seriously, you could have taken everything else away and I would have stood by you. All the way baby, liver failure, coma...whatever you had for me. You took away my "but". You broke the spell. See through it all, the good, the bad, the downright abysmal you left me one thing. One tiny peg to hang my coat on. I could always say "Yeah, sure I am a drunk.....but I am a nice person". Yeah sure I hurt people I love sometimes....but I am a nice person." Sure I'll do any frigging thing and sell my soul for nine cents on the dollar, shirk any responsibility if it lets me get my drink on. But I am a nice person. Yesterday I realized, I am not a nice person anymore. It's painful, it makes me want to die. But it just might be the virus that makes vaccine. Because I will be a nice person again...or die trying.
when she begs you to take her back, MM, say NO. Even if it's just for a quick visit. She's seductive and deceptive. Let her go. Good luck, man.
Good for you man. It's probably gonna be hard to stay away, but others have done it before. You'll be better off for it in the end. Best of luck...
Best of luck, MM. It takes a man to recognize their weaknesses & change them. If you think it's to the point where you can't do it alone, find a group.
MM, I wish you nothing but the best. It is a bold and noble thing you have undertaken and that bodes extremely well for your future. It's obvious by your writing that you are smart and creative, and those traits will also give you more than a puncher's chance at success. Drop in on us at Clutchfans when you're feeling low or weak. We'll the substitute, the methadone if you will. Take the support of those who care about you and lean on them, as you'll surely need it. Just know that there are hundreds of Rockets fans you've never met pulling for you. I know I am.
and after i left you, i met mary. things were the same. dependency. after i left you and mary, i finally was able to grow and become the man i am today. good luck MM. one day at a time.
Sorry, I get it now. Not used to reading such eloquent writings in the Hangout... I think there are several posters here who have successfully done what you're trying to do. Hopefully they will pipe in. Good luck and much respect to you for being honest enough with yourself to understand you have a problem. And brave enough to try and fix it.
