Good stuff from Gregg Easterbrook: http://www.tnr.com/easterbrook.mhtml FEC RECORDS SAY THAT HUNDREDS OF VERMONT COWS HAVE ALREADY DONATED THE HARD-MONEY MAXIMUM TO DEAN: With the Howard Dean bandwagon now rambling toward carrying two, three, or perhaps even four states in the 2004 election, everybody wants on board. Time and Newsweek have both had Dean on the cover. Even business PACs are covering their bases by donating the legal maximum to the Dean campaign. (Note: Under campaign finance law, the "legal maximum" varies between $2,000 and unlimited, depending on how good your lawyer is.) And Ben & Jerry's ice cream has named an ice-cream sundae after Dean. The Ben & Jerry's pro-Dean sundae is called Maple-Powered Howard; Dean supporters have begun to chant "maple-powered Howard!" at the rallies of other candidates, trying to drown them out. You won't find Maple-Powered Howard at your local outlet unless you live in Vermont, however; it is not an auspicious sign for Dean's prospects that even Ben & Jerry's thinks no one outside Dean's home state would want a product bearing his name. And Ben & Jerry's does not even list the existence of Maple-Powered Howard on its inventory of flavors. Perhaps it worries about other candidates demanding equal-time flavors. I think other presidential candidates should demand their own Ben & Jerry's flavors! So, as a public service, here's what they would be: · John Kerry: Very Kerry Irish-Jewish-Czech Melting Pot. Flavors from all over the world, blended together until indistinguishable. · Joe Lieberman: Joe's Kosher Swirl. Corned beef flavored ice cream with real chunks of rye bread and ribbons of mustard. · Al Sharpton: Al's Triple-Extra Chocolate. It's processed! · Dennis Kucinich: Denny's Leftward Lurch. Bubble-gum pink flavor, with lots of nuts. · John Edwards: John-Boy's Trial-Lawyer's Delight. Every carton contains a dead mouse; bite into it and Edwards will represent you in your suit against the dairy. · Carol Moseley Braun: Carol's Incredible Fantasy. Only one-tenth of one percent of the ice cream is flavored, representing the share of votes she will be lucky to get. · Dick Gephardt: Dick's Missouri Hometown Lemonade. When you've run for the nomination as many times as he has, the campaign takes on a lemon flavor. · Bob Graham: Graham's Graham Cracker Special. Eat first spoonful at 2:06. Eat second at 2:07. Wipe face with napkin at 2:08. At 2:08:30, ask for sprinkles. At 2:08:45 ... · Wesley Clark: The General's Four-Star Favorite. Red, white and blue ribbons with candied purple hearts. Plus these delicious flavors for other prominent political figures: · Dick Cheney's Undisclosed Flavor. · George W. Bush's Ice Cream of Mass Destruction. The label lists nuclear, biological, and chemical content, but inspectors have been unable to find these ingredients. · Al Gore's Dade County Surprise. Bittersweet chocolate with a sour grape swirl. And looking ahead to 2008: · Hillary's Endless Fudge.
