Check this out... apparently he's going into the book business. http://espn.go.com/page2/s/caple/campo/011130.html A course in Campo's new math By Jim Caple Page 2 The current rage among coaches is to write a book that applies their experience in sports to the world of business. Isiah Thomas is the most recent with "The Fundamentals: 8 Plays for Winning the Games of Business and Life," a book all season ticket-holders to the old CBA surely have on their Christmas lists. Hitting bookstores soon is yet another such book, this one from Dallas Cowboys coach Dave Campo. Fresh off his performance in his team's Thanksgiving Day loss to Denver, Campo offers fans his keen insights with, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Math for Cowboys Fans and Other Dummies." A few excerpts: Chapter 1: Basic Arithmetic The first mathematical system was the Roman Gabriel Numeral System, which was developed long ago by the Rams when they still played in Los Angeles. This was enormously important because it assigned specific characters to our concept of numbers. It had three major failings, though. One, only the fattest of players wore jerseys large enough to hold all the Roman numerals for his specific number. Two, it made it very confusing to figure out what year a Super Bowl was actually played in. Three, you couldn't add up your team's fantasy football scores very easily. By using our current base 10 digital numbering system, we avoid such problems and can also perform simple arithmetic. For instance, if a team kicks a field goal for three points and scores a touchdown for six points and kicks the extra point, it has scored 10 points total (3+6+1=10). If it then tackles the quarterback for a safety, it will have 12 points (10+2=12). And if it scores another touchdown but misses the kick, it will have 18 points (12+6=18). Where this gets tricky is when you have multiple options. Say you trail by 16 points in the fourth quarter and score a touchdown. Should you go for a two-point conversion to cut the deficit to eight points, in which case you'll only need to score once again to send the game into overtime? Or should you kick and cut the lead to nine points, which means you'll have to score at least a touchdown and then at least a field goal and probably need to recover an onside kick, too, because there is so little time left (6+1+6+1+3=???)? Remember to consider the point spread. Not so easy is it? Me, I find it easiest to keep things simple and just add one point at a time. Chapter 4: The metric system The metric system was developed by the NFL Europe League and is just like Texas' standard of measurements, only much different. For instance, Ed "Too Tall" Jones was 6-foot-6 under our Texas system, but he would be almost 200 centimeters under the metric system. Now that's what I call "too tall!" Better yet, the average bra size of a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader would be a 91D. The metric system would mean changes off the field, as well. For instance, we would measure weight in grams and kilograms, not ounces and pounds. That way, Nate Newton would have been arrested on charges of transporting only 98 kilograms of mar1juana instead of 218 pounds, which, as I understand it, would lower the crime to a gross misdemeanor. Switching to the metric system could benefit the Cowboys in other ways, too. For instance, say we score a touchdown in the fourth quarter to close within 10 points. Under the current system, we would kick a PAT from the 2-yard-line for one point and still need to score two more times in seven minutes to win. Under the metric system, we would have the ball at the 1.82 meter line, which sounds much closer, doesn't it? In that case, I would go for two and cut the deficit to eight points, so we would only have to score once more to tie the game. Chapter 7: The theory of relativity Albert Schweitzer's famous scientific equation -- E=Mchammer -- explains why a Dallas running back carrying a football at the speed of light still probably won't score this season. In layman's terms, his theory of relativity explains why the pregame shows drag on so damn long and why it takes 40 minutes to finish the game after the two-minute warning. For instance, say you haven't scored a touchdown for nine quarters and you enter the fourth quarter trailing by 23 points. Under those circumstances, 15 minutes won't seem like very long at all. But then say you score two touchdowns in less than a minute. Suddenly, it will seem like you've got all the time in the world, so much so that you won't feel any need to go for a two-point conversion. Instead, you'll play it cautious and kick the PAT, figuring you'll have plenty of time to score twice before time runs out. But when you're still behind seven minutes later and the other team has the ball and you can't stop the clock, it won't seem like you have very much time at all. And then after you lose, it will seem like a very long time until your next game. Here's another example. Say you're an NFL coach with a contract that goes through 2004. You'll look at the contract and assume that it expires in three years. But if you're that team's owner, you will look at that coach's 7-19 career record and decide the contract actually expires in three weeks.
