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Am I strange because I love a girl, but not in a sexual way ?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Troy McClure, Aug 29, 2004.

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  1. Troy McClure

    Troy McClure Member

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    I ask this because I recently met a girl who I consider like my best friend now I guess. I've known her for like two months, but she already knows everything about me ( insecurities , fears, aspirations, etc.) I honestly love her, but not in a sexual way. I mean she is gorgeous, when I'm with her I can see other guys looking at her (and it kind of pisses me off, I dont know why), but I have not had like any of those guy fantasies about her. Believe me I have a lot of those , with girls a hell of a lot less attractive as well.

    I've never really had a friend that was a girl, and not a girlfriend. When I first talked to her, she told me that she had just gotten out of a terrible long term relationship ( the guy was a real ass hole), and she didnt want to be in anything "romantic" for awhile. I said, " yeah , me too", but in the back of my mind thinking yeah right, I'm going to "make my move". But I honestly feel like we can have something deeper and more meaningful as friends. She jokingly said we should move to New York and get an apartment like " Will and Grace" and I laughed at that, but then thought huh?:confused: " I aint gay. " :mad: When the bravado and hetero ignorance subsided I was still confuzzled by the whole dynamic of our friendship.


    Does anyone else out there have a best friend who is a woman ? And a gorgeous woman at that. How's that going for ya ? Are you able to get into other relationships with women ?

    Thank you kindly Clutchville citizens...
     
    #1 Troy McClure, Aug 29, 2004
  2. B-ball freak

    B-ball freak Member

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    Quit lying to yourself. You want her bad.
     
    #2 B-ball freak, Aug 29, 2004
  3. Major Malcontent

    Major Malcontent Member

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    Four of my closest friends are women with whom I have a platonic relationship. Two of them I was physically intimate with at one time, and in the other two instances the relationship was always platonic.

    The fact that you have some jealousy when this person is in the company of other males may indicate some underlying non-platonic feelings on your part.

    Anyway these 4 female friends of mine are huge joys in my life...so it can be done. The key is to maintain communication and not to break any boundaries, except by mutual agreement.

    Good luck with the relationship regardless if it leads to friendship and understanding or to enlightenment...or to bed...or to all at once.
     
    #3 Major Malcontent, Aug 29, 2004
  4. Troy McClure

    Troy McClure Member

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    You think so ? I've wondered that too. Maybe I'm trying to make myself not want her. I don't know though, because it seems to be working...
     
    #4 Troy McClure, Aug 29, 2004
  5. drapg

    drapg Member

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    Other guys looking at her pisses you off?

    You want her. You want her bad.
     
    #5 drapg, Aug 29, 2004
  6. Tyree

    Tyree Member

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    no sexual attraction? your gaY
     
    #6 Tyree, Aug 29, 2004
  7. mateo

    mateo Member

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    Rewatch "When Harry Met Sally"
     
    #7 mateo, Aug 29, 2004
  8. FranchiseBlade

    FranchiseBlade Member
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    I knew a girl that I didn't have any physical attraction to, but I cared for a lot. Sometimes I would get upset when guys were interested in her, but it depended on the guy if I got upset. If I felt they were just after a piece of ass, or not very respectful in their attention I would get upset.

    I felt I knew when guys were being that way, because I had been that way with other girls a lot of time.

    Is it because you don't trust the intent of the guys who are eyeing her? If that's the case, you might not have any underlying feelings for her.

    Other than that, all I can say is that feelings with a girl are almost always complicated and confusing. That's not always bad either. Just take your time, and don't force yourself to make a move on her because you feel you SHOULD. If something develops later you will at least have a solid base, and level of emotional intamcy established. If nothing develops you have a good friend.
     
    #8 FranchiseBlade, Aug 29, 2004
  9. SmeggySmeg

    SmeggySmeg Member

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    calling Baqui :p
     
    #9 SmeggySmeg, Aug 29, 2004
  10. Summer Song Giver

    Summer Song Giver Member

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    Don't take this the wrong way but would you consider her out of your league? Maybe you are trying not to be sexually attracted to her because you don't see how she could return the same attraction to you.
     
    #10 Summer Song Giver, Aug 29, 2004
  11. Harrisment

    Harrisment Member

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    Hey, I was in the same situation for years. I was "best friends" with one of my gf's friends. The entire time I thought we just had this great, friendly relationship. Yeah, I was just kidding myself....I wanted to bang her. Luckily I never pursued it, since she was my good buddies wife. We're still all friends now, but not nearly as close which is a good thing in my opinion.

    You're lying to yourself, trust me I was there. Deep down you want her and you know it.
     
    #11 Harrisment, Aug 29, 2004
  12. Troy McClure

    Troy McClure Member

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    Actually, I'm quite arrogant about the way I look. I think because I feel I suffer so much by working out religously and watching what I eat, I feel the need to point out how hot I am on occasion. I mean maybe I am out of her league in actuality, but I wouldnt know it.

    Getting back to what I originally said though, if any of you see some guy that is in good shape, but seems real arrogant, cut him some slack ya'll. He's just angry when he sees you eat food that isnt green, and is just trying to remind himself why he does what he does.


    Back to the point of the thread though, someone said that they would get angry with some of the guys. Im the same way too, if I think the guy is cool, I don't mind.
     
    #12 Troy McClure, Aug 29, 2004
  13. moestavern19

    moestavern19 Member

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    Picture another nailing dude her and then tell me you'd be fine with it.
     
    #13 moestavern19, Aug 29, 2004
  14. Sane

    Sane Member

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    The real test, so I've heard, is walking in and gauging your reaction to the situation.
     
    #14 Sane, Aug 29, 2004
  15. moestavern19

    moestavern19 Member

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    Yeah it's so like the episode of 70's show where Jessica Simpson was all over Kelso and Jackie was like "hey get your hands off my boyfriend you filthy skank" even though she was going out with Hyde.
     
    #15 moestavern19, Aug 29, 2004
  16. Agent86

    Agent86 Member

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    Every now and then on this bbs you will find a thread that freaks you out...

    This is it.

    Ive had the same sitution, and I think part of my problem was this

    I think what happens is that, you will take her for granted, you will assume that she will always be there and think you could always have her as a friend. but the thing is one day she will be gone and you will want her, and I mean WANT her

    The thing with that is, you could want her and not relize it. So even if the guy was perfect, you would still put it in your head that hes bad. He could be the next coming of Christ and you would still think hes going to try to get ass.
     
    #16 Agent86, Aug 30, 2004
  17. Gutter Snipe

    Gutter Snipe Member

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    Well, the bad news is that you are clearly on the friends ladder. The good news is that you are/think you are okay with that.

    So no, I don't think it's strange. You're right where she wants you to be.
     
    #17 Gutter Snipe, Aug 30, 2004
  18. MadMax

    MadMax Member

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    Troy --

    this is similar to how my relationship with the girl who is now my wife began. we were both dating other people...people back home while we were in our freshman year of college. it was ENTIRELY platonic, whether anyone believed us or not. i knew she was attractive...but our friendship became more important than that.

    by the time our sophomore year hit, both of us had passing thoughts of turning the relationship a different direction..but both of us felt like we'd screw up our friendship. and she was truly my best friend.

    but at some point the relationship switched...it just clicked. and we dated for 3 years...and have been married for 7.
     
    #18 MadMax, Aug 30, 2004
  19. DaDakota

    DaDakota Balance wins
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    Dude,

    Just lay some pipe, and get back to us.

    DD
     
    #19 DaDakota, Aug 30, 2004
  20. Baqui99

    Baqui99 Member

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    Get your hands out of your pants.
     
    #20 Baqui99, Aug 30, 2004
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