I posted a few months ago about the situation with my grandma as far as her state of mind and how she was so depressed and such. Well this time around, I'm seeking some advice or perhaps hoping to hear some stories with posters who have dealt with these things in life. Back in November, my grandmother started forgetting a lot of things. At first I didn't worry about it since I just felt it was because of old age and due to some of the problems she's faced in the past. After a trip to Georgia, my family over there was very concerned because she seemed to be a bit out of it. She had a lot of confusion, she got lost going to the restroom and such. After we got back from Georgia, I took her in to her PCP to get a check-up and possibly see what might have been going on. He prescribed some medicine for her memory as well as some medicine for her appetite. After a month, I took her back to her PCP and got some lab work done. This time, it came back that her kidneys were in bad shape and sure enough he sent us to the ER one day before Christmas Eve. She started dialysis that Christmas holiday. Since then my grandma has gotten progressively worse as far as memory goes. She sometimes doesn't remember where the restroom in her own house is at nor does she remember where her living room is at. She also talked about the 70's and 80's as if she were in that time referring to her neighbors and such next door. Recently, I took her to the doctor again, this time I was looking for some referral sleeps as far as getting some provider care. I pretty much was taking care of her by myself and it was getting pretty heavy since I would not sleep at night sometimes since she would get up quite a bit. Once again, he felt this was progressing much too quickly and he sent us to the ER yet again. There they diagnosed her with a urinary tract infection and also noticed that one of the medicines she was drinking was prescribed for more than what was needed (thankfully I didn't start giving her that medicine until this past weekend, so she wasn't on it for more than 3 days). She also was diagnosed that she had a small stroke, but the Doctor didn't think that is what is affecting her behavior. I'm guessing that even after the infection wears out, I'll still be dealing with her memory issue and I don't believe she'll be able to take care of herself much anymore. I'm wondering, have you guys gone through this, if so what did you do? Personally, I could never put her in a nursing home, unless it was absolutely necessary. For now, I feel that she can still live at home, but I'll have to get someone that is there most of the day and night. I do debate with myself whether I should take her to a day care center, but it seems that my family is opposed to anything that doesn't involve being at home. Personally I feel the same way, but I don't feel that a day care center is a bad thing. I hate to take away some of my grandmother's independence but I feel that she no longer can care for herself. She hasn't been officially diagnose with some dementia disease although the doctors do believe she is in the beginning stages of it, and quite frankly I thought the same thing. I guess for me personally, I hate to be selfish, but I guess I'm the one that primarily cares for her and I simply want to have some freedom again. These last few months have been pretty tough, although not impossible, but I been missing out on some things socially that I wish I could take part of. I just started my career a year ago as well and I wish I could do more as far as travel around a bit and explore my options elsewhere; however, my grandma is always in the back of my mind and I'd hate to leave her. I guess I just have a lot of goals and dreams right now that I wish to pursue, but I'm having a hard time wanting to do anything because I feel as I am being selfish. My grandma took care of me and in my head I feel I should take care of her and so far I've done all that I could (although I'm sure I could have done a lot more). Anyone faced a similiar situation? I'm curious what you might have done. Any advice? I guess right now I'm confused as to what to do as far as things go with my grandma.
Serious post needs serious help. Professional help, you should get. I have not much to offer to you, but mostly hope that she gets well, sir.
im not sure anyone can really help you here...it comes down to your family situation......i would say if you're primarily taking care of her, then you should have more say than the rest of your family..why aren't others helping out? It's unfair for them not to take your life into consideration, but again, we dont know why y'all have it set up that way. And doesn't it seem like a lot of memory lapses for this to just be the beginning?
I would get another doctor and a second opinion. Kudos for doing what you can for your grandmother. I've been through some of this, and it's very, very tough. Again, I'd get her a new doctor.
Really sorry to hear, man. My girlfriend's grandmother is in the same state. They brought over an in-home nurse that constantly stays with her. Every now and then, she'll forget the name of her family and such, but after a while, it'll come back to her. Hope everything works out for you.
I don't think there's anything wrong hiring someone to help you take care of your grandmother, especially if no one else is volunteering. You'd still be in charge of things, but it's a burden to do all the caretaking yourself and that can go on for a long time and could wear you out. Of course, these things cost money which you may or may not have.
I didn't deal with this first hand...my mother did for her mom. And, it literally drove my mom into bi-polar disorder because of the stress involved and she hasn't been the same since. The first thing my Mom did was find a live-in nurse who could take care of her. This meant my Mom managing what little finances my Grandmother had. Obviously, it's not easy to find a live-in nurse to care for an elderly person with memory loss in a small town in South Carolina and unable to take care of herself. This went on for maybe two or three years. It involved constant phone calls to "check in"...along with problems that would arise (try nurse has to leave for periods and only fill-in is for my Mom to fly out to stay with her). There was always something that came up that made this problematic. Next, we literally had to uproot her, sell her home, bring her local to where we live, find an assisted living facility, and put her up there. This was paid for with proceeds of her house sale and the money was dangerously low when her health took a turn for the worse. It probably wasn't two years since we moved her to be local with us that she basically died in a hospital bed. She didn't really know who we were the whole time but we made her as comfortable as possible. Every once in a while, you think she remembered who one of us were with an "ah hah" moment...but most of the time she thought we were strangers. My Grandma had no words coming out in the few years she had left...so we could only talk to her and try to keep her comfortable. It was really a sad process and it really hurt my Mom mentally with all the stress in the process. Even though her Mom had other family members, none of them stepped up during this time cause they were selfish and it took a take-charge attitude from my Mom to make it all happen mostly on her own with no real support from her sister or brother. Then, the stress pushed my Mom over the edge and now she has to control her bi-polar with meds that make her sleep most of the day every day. I'm sorry this doesn't help you...but what you are describing is not easy to deal with at all.
What you said about stress is so true, both mental and physical. I personally know two people who had their health broken by attempting to do too much for a loved one. I guess there's a fine line there, somewhere. Good luck finding it.
I have dealt with this twice but didn't have as much of the burden that you did. One of my ex-gf's mom developed Alzheimers while we were dating and declined rapidly. Her parents lived on a farm in upstate NY and I think the isolation there made things worse because it was hard to get care for her in such a remote location. About two years ago one of my aunts who has mental issues developed diabetes and we realized she couldn't live on her own. We put her in an assisted living facility which has been doing good. She has her own apartment but there are staff that look in on her and other medical. The place she is at is very well recommended and worked with us to help get her settled, insurance and public assistance to make sure that everything was taken care of. While it's admirable that you want to keep your grandma at home you need to consider what level of care you can provide to her and as Surfguy mentioned the incredible stress that is on you as the primary caregiver. If it does appear like your grandmother is declining and needs long term care an assisted living facility isn't a bad option. Just make sure you and your family do your research well. Visit the place often and unannounced. Some places will even let you spend the night just to see what it is like.
It's American way of thinking putting the old in nursing homes. In many countries, the family takes care of their old.
This isn't about just dumping your old. When someone needs medical support it helps to have trained professionals, equipment and medicine on hand. For my Ex's mom she stayed at home and that appears to have hastened her decline while my aunt appears to be doing well with both her diabetes and mental issues under control.
