I'll start off with a bit of background to add some context. The girl I'm going to be talking about is someone who I had dated back during my freshman year of highschool. We dated for about a year. After we broke up we went our separate ways until around senior year where we ran into each other a few times and became friendly again. After graduating from hs we both went to the same college were we started hanging out again. After some time I asked her about us dating and she pretty much said she wanted to date new people, which is understandable for a freshman in college. After all of her poor relationship choices crashed and burned we started to hang out again senior year. While we were hanging out she was talking to this other guy, which turned into another relationship. So, after like 3 months of hanging out together everyday she says we shouldn't hang out so much because it wasn't fair to her boyfriend. So she disappears again. Around 7 or so months pass and she gets dumped and like clockwork i hear from her again. She went to school in Dallas for a semester and i made the trip up there from houston a few times to visit her, while confined to her couch for the night. Now she lives in Austin and we've been taking turns visiting one another every other week. I've talked to her about how I feel, but she says she wants to remain friends because she doesn't have many and values our friendship too much and she isn't interested in having a boyfriend while she is in grad school. so despite her knowing how I feel about her she continues to want to hangout and go to events with her. I'm not really sure what to do. I feel like a safe place-holder until a guy comes around that she does want to date, but I can't help but to hope for the future. If I didn't like her so much I would just say **** it, but I can't help it. TL;DR: I like my friend too much to let her go, but it hurts knowing she isn't interested in me.
/thread It's not gonna happen, man. Be fair to yourself and date someone who really wants to be with you, not somebody who you have to chase for years about something that is never going to happen.
Unfortunately I don't think she is ever going to feel the same way about you. If she was hiding them in there they would of come out after almost 5 years or so judging by the timeline you stated. She knows how you feel and she just sticks with her feelings of friendship. That's not a good sign. If I was you I would start to pull back. It is going to nearly impossible to get over her if you continue to see her so often. I'm not saying to throw her out of your life, but you need to dial it back now until you know you can handle it without your feelings getting in the way.
Clean break. You won't get over it and it will be torture trying to be friends with someone you are interested in.
If you don't want to be in the friendzone stop hanging out with her entirely since this is all she sees you as. If she wants to hang out let her know that you don't want to see her as just a friend and want something more. Moral of the story: Stop hanging out with her.
Yea at this point if that's all she sees you for knowing your feelings, then it's more than likely a lost cause man. Sorry bud
Yeah, unfortunately that is what I get from this too. It will be hard, but nothing is likely to change for the better if you stay your current path. I'd suggest just telling her that because of your feelings you can't keep this up. Maybe after hearing this and thinking it through a while, she'll realize that she wants to be with you. But maybe not. Either way, I don't see a better way for this to play out than for you to politely and eloquently explain to her that the current arrangement isn't working.
i appreciate all your responses. they're pretty much what i expected to hear and what i've figured i needed to do.
I'd tell her that you aren't going to stop having sexual feelings about her, and that if she isn't attracted to you in the same way, it wouldn't be fair to yourself to be tormented by those feelings, and then break it off. I say this from experience. Plus, she really does want it. She just doesn't want to jeopardize the lengthy relationship she has with you. Force her to make a decision. It's not like you can't be polite afterwards, just don't hang out with her thinking you're gonna get some.
That's exactly what you are to her. You're convenient. You say nice things. You talk to her when she's bored. But most of all you make her feel good about herself since she knows how you feel about her. It makes her feel desireable and attractive. Its very selfish but a lot of people do it. Everyone wants what they can't have.
You know what you've gotta do, and there's no looking back no matter what bullshet she comes up with.
walk away now while you still can. plenty of other women out there in the world. once a girl friendzones you she'll continue to use you. b****es be crazy
Of all the internet message boards I'm a member of, it seems that clutchfans get friendzoned and dumped the most.
