Relaxing at home in my palatial mansion palace, bored of sex with supermodels, I chose to take in a movie this afternoon. One of the 163 HBO channels I get is showing "Silence of the Lambs", the early 90s classic starring Jody Foster and Anthony Hopkins. Watching the climactic scene, it occurred to me that movie characters need our advice-- I had always suspected so, the way some people in the theatre would murmur out advice like "Don't go in there!" or "I know she di'int!" So, I thought I would give some advice and I would like to see other BBS members contribute as well. We can make the movie world a better place. Dear Clarice Starling, When pursuing a suspect (Buffalo Bill) through the corridors and rooms of a dimly-lit suburban home, it is my belief that you should not give a Monica-Seles-sized "GRUNT!" every time you come around a corner. It seems to me that doing so makes it easier for the psychopathic murderer still on the loose in the house to track you. You are being a nitwit. Shut up already. *********************** Dear Luke Skywalker, You are a whiny titty baby. Grow a pair and stop pissing and moaning. I don't care if you do end up chopping off Darth Vader's arm, etc, I still think I could b****slap you before you got your lightsaber turned on. ************************
To all Bond villains: Just shoot the F*cker! I think Dr. No came the closest when James asked him if he expected him to talk and he cleverly retorted "No Mr. Bond. I expect you to DIE." Should have stuck around to see it, dumbass.
To Wile E. Coyote: Take the money you buy ACME stuff with and buy a F***ing burger. To heterosexual guy in Crying Game: Run like hell. Don't ask questions. I know what's best. NOW RUN! To Jerry McGuire: If you go back to that nightmare of a whooped woman, you're a sissy, period. To the family in Poltergeist: Guys, a frickin TV just ate your daughter, and you're still here, why?
To Ripley and her crew on "Alien"...DON'T split up....you WILL die one at a time--jeez! Oh, and don't directly look into the creepy pod in the relic ship on LV-14, especially when it is OPENING--NOTHING good will come from it
Did you hear that the midgets were treated so badly on the set that one midget hung himself. On the set! Apparently, you can see the midget in the background during the "Off to see the Wizard" sequence.
http://www.snopes.com/movies/films/ozsuicid.htm Claim: A lovelorn actor portraying one of the munchkins hanged himself on the set during the filming of The Wizard of Oz, and his death was captured on-camera and used in the final print. Status: False.
Memo to Matt Damon in Rounders... when Famke Jansen comes up into your room and offers up the koolaid and you don't take it because you are too busy moping about Ed Norton taking some of your green...THAT MAKES YOU HOMO GAY
To Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic let the b**** drown, it's your raft. To Hamlet Kill Claudius while he prays...it'll save a lot of lives and energy.
To Luke Skywalker: Quit flirting with your sister. Aside from that, there's a reason why they made you related to her and you couldn't end up with her. And don't listen to those prequels where they say the Jedi are supposed to be celibate. Those prequels do not belong with your movies; they are lame ripoffs. You are not supposed to be with your sister or live like a monk... because you belong to ME.
