A Night I'll Never Forget

With apologies to one of my favorite movie directors of all-time…you are sorely missed....plus thanks to Behad for the concept.

It was a typical Friday night. I had messed around for most of the day relaxing and hanging out with friends. One of my friends that I hadn’t seen in a long time was performing that night at the local comedy club. His name was Eddie, although we all called him by his nickname “ROXRAN”. His comedy routine is great as he has this schtick about hunting, especially squirrels. After the show was over, he saw me and sat down. We caught up with each other in what had been going on in our lives. He then told me something unusual.

He said, “Manny, what I did tonight is nothing compared to this one club that I have been going to….and I don’t even get paid at that one.” I found it odd that he brought this up, but I implored him to go on. He started telling me about this “club” or “secret society” where all these people meet every night and do all kinds of things. They talk about politics, current events, religion, sports, etc. They watch sporting events, play music, and heavily participate in fantasy leagues or sim leagues. They also always have beautiful women at their “club” meetings. I told him that I had to go to this club tonight. He told me a couple of things, though:

1) You have to give a password to enter
2) You have to come dressed in a costume
3) It could be dangerous

I asked him for the password, and he told me it was “clique”. He then said that he had to go but told me what his costume would be…he also said that I would recognize him by his nametag, “ROXRAN”. He advised me that if I could get in, to use an alias for my nametag because everyone else does.

I had to find a costume, but all I could come up with was a Boston Red Sox jersey with the number “24” on the back and a gorilla mask. However, I got dressed and followed the directions to the place that Eddie had given me. I arrived and it was a huge mansion with gates surrounding the place. I walked to the front door with my gorilla mask on and was greeted by a huge figure named “red”. He remarked that he had never seen me before and I told him that I was new. He asked me for my name and I said that I was “Bill Walton”. He said that as long as I wasn’t Kelvin Cato, he couldn’t care less.

Eddie was right. There were all kinds of people at this place and they were doing all kinds of things. “haven” and “treeman” were having an animated discussion about the middle east and I noticed a guy in a robot costume listening in named “Mango”. I then heard a loud discussion about politics between “rimbaud” and “RichRocket”. Going farther down the hall, I heard a discussion about Texas football and saw what looked like a violent argument between “The Cat” and “Timing” with “Puedlfor” trying to reason with them. I also saw several pretty nice looking women such as “Elizabeth Hurley” and “princess” being talked to by “RocketsPimp” and “chievous minniefield”. I came upon another heated argument…this one between “Rocketman95” and “TheFreak” with “Major” trying to be the peacemaker. I also saw several people who looked like they were drunk in “gr8-1”, “The Voice of Reason”, and “Drewdog”, who was also being slapped by “Diseased Monkey” for trying to hit on her. I also noticed a plaque on the wall that said “former members” and it included the names “HeyPartner”, “shanna”, “popeye”, “Rendiggler”, “Rodney McCray”, “Tolpatsch Verkinder”, “hotdogeater”, and “Jim1965”. It also had a place on there for soon to be former members in “Almu”, “Achebe”, and “crispee”. I was a little concerned when I saw that but I tried not to pay any attention to that.

I finally saw “ROXRAN” and I let him know who “Bill Walton” really was. He decided to show me to the most powerful room in the mansion: the fantasy room. On the way to that room, we saw several people, “Swopa”, “mrpaige”, “NugzFan”, “Nuggets4”, and “Desert Scar” tormenting this one guy named “gettinbranded”. We also passed by a room that was giving off negative vibes as “kidrock8”, “leebigez”, “Caveman”, and “ZRB” were all discussing something. As we finally got to the room, this one guy who was in a straight jacket and yelling something about donkey balls went running by. I asked “ROXRAN” who was that? He told me it was their resident nuthouse named “R0ckets03”. We also heard a jazz band consisting of “Jeff”, “Mad Max”, “dylan”, “subtomic”, and “Lynus302” although “Lynus302” whipped out an electric guitar and started playing Crazy Train during “dylan’s” solo. Finally, we were in the fantasy room. “Crisco Kidd” and “SmeggySmeg” were talking to each other in a language that no one else could understand. “Dvauthrin”, “Sam Cassell”, and “moestavern19” were all wrapped up in the football sim. “Heath”, “Zac D”, and “SteveFrancis3” were all doing soccer stuff, and “Band Geek Mobster”, “DEANBCURTIS” and “Raven Lunatic” were discussing baseball. Meanwhile, “Nomar” was asking anyone who was listening to trade a draft pick to him in any sim with “mduke” the only one really listening to him. Also, “Hayes Street” was admonishing “fadeaway” for second hand smoking. I told “ROXRAN” that while this room was interesting, it seemed too intense for me. He admitted that it took him a long time to go to this room, but that it was not as bad as he thought it was. We continued walking and heard “Da Dakota”, “tacoma park legend”, “NIKEstrad”, “RocksMillenium”, “Will”, and “Clutch” discussing the last Rockets basketball game. “rockHEAD” showed his pictures and “Mr. Oily” was saying something, but no one was listening to him except for “Hydra”. “BobFinn*” and “DREAMer” were busy crunching out numbers from the night’s action in the NBA, and the cell phones of “oeilpere” and “Old School” both rang at the same time.

I told “ROXRAN” that this was a great place and that I would have to come here every night. But as I was saying that, I accidentally knocked from the wall “Clutch’s” transcript of Game 4 of the ’95 NBA Finals. I was immediately told to go to the center room. There was this figure sitting on a throne in the middle of the room. He said, “Bill Walton, please step forward. I am Dr of Dunk. I own this house and I run these ‘meetings’. We don’t need people like you coming in and disrupting the flow. I am afraid that I am going to have to ask you to follow me to our dungeon.” At that moment, this nice-looking chick who was half-naked named “Estella Warren” told them to stop. She said that I needed to be let go. “Behad” then came and took her off. The Doc then said, “You are lucky, Walton. If it wasn’t for her intervention, you would have been in deep ****. Now, go and never return.”

I quickly ran out of there and went back home. I tried to get in touch with Eddie the next day, but no one had seen him. That is when I woke up and realize that it was just a dream…….


Also, it’s post #2000!!

 

Sorry, PSJ. I had like over 70 members in there. I knew I would leave out some like you, francis 4 prez, and Kagy.

Thanks for the congrats, guys. Even though the season has been one to forget, this site has made the season a lot better than I could ever imagined.