Hey guys, I've always been the shy and quiet guy around. Always quite modest. Then again I have always had such low self esteem that I'm quite down a lot of the time as well. Anyway, I have recently take it upon myself to take no nothing from nobody. This has worked well, for the most part, except now I've noticed that I'm basically the guy who gets pushed around all the time. I have to be honest, it feels like some of my best friends think they are better than me. I'm not the bragging type, so I never talk of many positive things that have happened to me... so I tend to get the reputation that nothing is going for me. So I feel a lot of my friends are looking down on me or at least think they are superior or certain levels. I don't draw much out of this when it comes to the "big picture"... I don't think I'm better than anyone and I think we all deserve our respect. Yet I <I>know</I> that a lot of what they say and think they are is just plain bs. I know this from just plain truth and what other people say. So, how do you deal with this? I know people tend to need a "weak" person in the friendship because it suits them to feel better about themselves... but what happens when the weak one decides to change and realises what the situation is like? I can't just give up these friends, they are quite cool except for this that has been bugging me the past few months. I guess I just want them to know that even if they are better (how arguable that may be in favour of whomever), they should give me some respect. Thoughts?
Ace, F*ck 'em. Actions speak louder than words. If you aren't a loser, your actions will show them that. If they can't see it, then who cares what they think. They are cool to hang out with, so leave it at that. But, if you are a loser, then, well, get new friends.
I'm the smartest and cutest girl out of all my friends so I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm just kidding. It sounds like you might be putting too much thought into this. I don't think im better than any of my friends. I tend to focus on how much fun I have with them and stuff like that, not about if they think they're luckier or better than me.
Hmm... that's the thing. I think it has come to the point where in the group of people that we hang out with there are some that are really arrogant (no based on anything) and the "losers" (they aren't at all). I'm probably overreacting... I used to be a big loser for a few years back in High School. For about two years I was quite fat and EXTREMELY shy. I would barely talk. It affected me quite a bit and still feel it. Now that I'm thin and on the up on every level for the past few years I feel like I want to get people back now. Don't think that's right, but I often want to "show them". I want to show them I can be an athlete and that I used to play for a big ish team, I want to show them that I'm a model, I want to show them I can do really well at University (I used to get quite bad grades at times due to not ever being bothered due to being really depressed about my state of life). It's quite common that feeling among a lot of people, I know. I just want to try and fix it within myself and at the same time take these people off their arrogant stances.
Yeah, I don't tend to think about it usually when it comes to personal relationships. Sometimes I do think of it in a broad perspective because of the fact that I used to be this loser to everyone. It just happens when it becomes obvious. It's just two people I know, really. They blatantly put me down and brag all the time. I used to be able to take it but now not so much. With the other people in my life I get on fine and everything is cool. It's just these two guys that just so happen to be some of my best friends and so I don't really want to just "f*ck em".
I dont know how you rate you friends, but my BEST FRIENDS are people i've known since I was a little kid and they don't ever put me down. I think what needs to happen here is... I go beat these two guys up for you before I goto church. Seriously, if they put you down maybe they're not really your friends after all.
You have to have a role model for the way you live your life. You can have a combo of role models for different situations. For instance if you see a pretty girl standing at the bar you could ask yourself "what would james bond do?" and act accordingly. You will be surprised how much your life starts to turn into whomever you are emmulating. But you have to display some sense of reality as well. I mean if you are a complete gimp and you don't have a gun, you probably don't want to emmulate Tony Montana. But you could still be a tough guy by emmulating a more witty, less in your face kind of tough guy like MJ Fox in Back to the Future.
That's the thing. I've known one guy for about 6 years now (which is a long time for someone like me, who has moved around so often ). The other guy became a really good friend late 2001 sometime and we tend to hang out a lot. He's a really cool guy except I think that through my change and his insecurities/arrogance, it's making things a bit more difficult. I'm actually staying at his place at the moment. He was just flexing his arms in front of my face telling me I would never be able to grow muscles. I ignore and go "what you up to?" "Nothing man, just getting ready for church." And this with him being a devout Christian himself! LOL!
Don't ever limit yourself to bad people (I don't know them and aren't saying that they are) just because of comfort and longevity. I just ditched my "best friend" of five years after realizing he wasn't that good of a friend afterall.
Muscle guy sounds like a great guy. I say stand up for yourself, or get some new / better friends. Many years ago a good friend of mine, that I have had since I was a little kid, went through a phase where he kept putting me down and treating me like crap. I just let it go for a long time until one day I finally snapped and I punched him in the face. He went down. I wasn't looking to "kick his ass" or whatever, I just snapped. He got back up and I let him return the favor. We didn't see each other after that for a while. That was ten years ago. We are still good friends today, but we have never talked about what happened that crazy day. I can tell you whut though, I haven't had any problem with him since.
That's something I have considered. I guess you can only tolerate so much, you know? I've known this guy for a while, dating back from another country. So it's rough. What happened with you and your friend?
Yeah, length of relationship doesn't mean shizercoon. I had the same deal where one of my best friends of over ten years turned out to be a jack ass. Not really to me but to everyone else and I didnt want to be associated with it. But something you should always know is to respect yourself and never take crap from anyone. If someone says something like that to you it is easy to make them feel stupid, and for you to retain self respect just by bringing it up and analyzing it with them. For example: "You will never be able to put muscle on your arms!" "Yeah, I wish I could be as mighty as you Adonnis McHumble. You also have the purdiest hair and the most fancy walking style. You have it all, and I have nothing! Oh the despair. See ya later dude." "**** you b****. What did you say?" "I said you are mighty and I am weak, and you are good looking, and I am not so good looking, and you have sexy elbows, and my elbows lack wrinkle development... and later on." Then go to the gym and prove his ass wrong. People who just mope really are as worthless as the people badgering them. You have to try hard before you deserve sympathy.
He is more so than me, but still... it hurts because I know he has that over me but no reason to put it in my face! I feel sorry for him sometimes, because I think he is mostly insecure. But then again I'm not always thinking straight and I'm dealing with my own crap... so I do take it personally. I guess it changed because at the start of our friendship I was really quiet and shy and not very athletic at all (I was past the fat stage though). He kinda took me under his wing, if you will, to try and get me to speak to people (not just girls, people in general. I didnt have many friends) and go out more often etc. Then I started to have more luck with girls and people, got offered some modeling contracts where he failed (people came up to me randomly while he actually tried to become one), and started to do really well at soccer and he got this rugby injury which limited him. You could tell it changed him because he stopped giving me supportive talks (he really helped me when I was down before), he started to put me down and insult me instead of trying to get my confidence up. I'm still a pretty sensitive guy and though I recognise things are going better for me in general I still react to things in the same way if that makes sense. Also people started to tell me he felt a lot the things I was getting was just bs, in the sense that I didn't deserve it and he was jealous because of that. I mean, I know I don't and I count myself lucky on some things and not in others... but it hurt that he couldn't really support me in new opportunities.
That's what I grew to realise. I always used to complain about how crap my life was and making up excuses as to why that was out of my control, etc. So I started to do things more, trusted in God more, started playing loads of football (which has gained me fitness and a healthier body but not much muscle!)... I must admit that some of the time I was motivated by the fact that I think everyone should always try their best and do with what God has given you. The rest of the time it was blind rage trying to prove myself (the "old" me) and others wrong. I think I am trying now, to improve... I think my mentality has to change a little bit more. In addition, my friends need to adapt and realise I aint going to take **** from nobody anymore.
Hahaha... No way, no where near. I've now done a little bit. It could be the start or the end of it. I mean, I don't think I'm good looking at all. I'm kinda a combination of races (European and Latin American) so that might be it.... weird looks or whatever. I try not to think of "why" they offered it to me, just that they did. I'm still stuck with my low self esteem, I just try to keep it out of the way. It sometimes annoys people now and I guess people always hate those who mope (as you said and I agree).
