I thought about writing to Ann Landers about this, but posting a thread is so much easier. Do you think it is rude to ask someone whom you hardly know (and who is in his/her late 20s and married several years but has no children) when they are going to have children?
I think using "when" could be considered rude by some people because you are implying they will have kids and be "normal". They also may not be able to have kids.
Depends on who you are asking... if it is your WIFE, then no it isn't rude. Otherwise, ya that's rude.
Id say it depends: If you are saying "when are you gonna have kids??", then thats kinda of instrusive. However, if you say "ARE you gonna have kids?, then that wouldn't seem offensive/rude IMO.
I think it is inappropriate to ask personal questions to someone whom you hardly know. You seem to have a keen interest in this person, however you do not have a strong relationship with this person. I would say to get to know this person if you want, and then after a better relationship is formed, then discreetly ask the question. I would consider it rude if I were the married person if another person where to ask me such a personal question, especially if there is heavy emotional stress behind the answer.
The rub on that is that some couples choose not to have children. I guess it might be insulting to them. Or I think it would even be more embarassing if one of them was unable to conceive. I did see an Ann Landers column one time about it and she said not to ask that question for those reasons.
I'm just always surprised to hear the question. It seems like an affront to me, and yet there are so many middle-aged women who seem to think it is an appropriate question to ask. In my mind, there are a great number of reasons why a married couple might not have children and most of them would produce an awkward conversation if mentioned to a stranger, including: * Barreness * Sterility * Impotence * Other sexual dysfunction * Life-style decision obviously not shared by the person asking the question * Marital stress * And just about everything else under the sun People don't really just happen to have kids or not have them. For parents and the childless, their status is a pretty big part of their lives? I just don't see how you can start a conversation with a mere acquaintance on such a weighty subject like you're just talking about the weather.
I don't think it is rude but is probably a question better left unasked. There are a hundred different reasons why a couple might not be able to have children, and if they want to have kids and can't, you are just adding fuel to the fire.
My wife and I are in our thirties, and we probably won't have children....by choice. Unfortunately, we live in total suberbia where its expected. We have some great neighbors, but GOD....do we ever hate being asked that question. It has gone way beyond just asking though. One guy just goes on and on about how we need to have children, "you'd make the best parents, they change your life, you're not getting any younger, who is gonna take care of you when you're older, blah, blah, blah...." Sometimes I'd just like to take off my belt and teach him some manners.
Spoken like a true parent-to-be. As another childless person in her thirties, I can totally relate to the frustration of being asked this question. It's even more fun when you're female, because people start acting like you're defective in some way -- after all, how could a woman NOT want to have children??? The horror!!!! My standard answer to people who ask that question (especially those who know about my habit of adopting stray cats) is, if a kid shows up in my yard, I'll keep him. Otherwise, I'm not going out of my way to get one.
Why not just ask the whole question then? "When are you gonna have children so you can join our ranks, the mindless army of the undead? " At least that's what's going through my mind when parents of infants and toddlers ask us that question while their fray-haired, sleep-deprived baggy eyed, untucked and stained shirted example of having kids is staring me right in the face. I mean, at least try to look happy when you ask it. Don't keep it all inside.
If you hardly know the person/couple then you would have no idea if they have "issues" with the topic, so I go with it's not rude.
Let's see... you live in the Heights... I live in the Heights... you want a girl or a boy? J/K I love my kids!
