Is your name Michael?... You might die because of it.

713 · Sep 16, 2014

Coca-Cola Recalls 2 Million Bottles With The Name ‘Michael,’

Coca-Cola spokesperson Gabriella Sanchez announced in an impromptu press conference this morning that the iconic cola company is urgently recalling all twenty-ounce size bottles of the drink with the name ‘Michael’ on them due to “compromising of ingredients”. She went on to say that several customers had returned their drinks to stores and/or called the Coca-Cola customer service hotline after noticing their personalized bottles, with the name ‘Michael’ on them, had an odd taste.

“Several calls began to come in on Friday afternoon with customers complaining that their bottles of cola had an odd taste, all of which were part of our ‘Share a Coke With…’ campaign, and had the name Michael on them.” Sanchez announced to the unassuming press. “Naturally, we immediately launched an investigation on the issue and after thorough lab testing we discovered that the ingredients of a particular series of batches were compromised. Our investigation and research found a disgruntled employee, who is not being named due to criminal investigation, had been adding literal top soil – dirt – into her batches. If consumed, these bottles of cola are not necessarily considered dangerous so there is not cause for panic, but of course we do not want our very loyal and longtime Coke lovers ingesting this foul-tasting soda.”

Sources close to the situation, which requested to remain anonymous, leaked the story to a reporter about the case as early as Sunday morning, saying that a female employee, who was claiming sexual harassment by her supervisor, who just happened to be named ‘Michael,’ had ‘spiked large batches of the drink with top soil she had been bringing to work,’ via her purse. She did so after discovering that all batches she was put in charge of would be added to two-million 20-ounce bottles which would be labeled “Share a Coke with…Michael.”

Coca-Cola said that the unidentified employee had filed harassment documentation against the supervisor, whose name is also being withheld due to the ongoing criminal investigation, and told co-workers that her complaint had been ignored. Another Coca-Cola employee, also female, stated anonymously that the women in the Atlanta, Georgia bottling plant ‘are treated like objects on a regular basis.’

“The young woman who had contaminated the drinks, in my opinion, deserves to be fired and face criminal charges, even though she was wrongfully driven to commit the act,” said the employee. “The people, the customers, do not deserve to drink dirt, that was absurd. That being said, we should be thankful it wasn’t something more dangerous she put into the bottles.”

“We encourage all who have the ‘Michael’ bottles to call our customer service hotline immediately. Do not throw the bottles away, you will be asked for the bar code number, your name, address, the store where you purchased the items, and we’ll also ask that you mail us back, at your cost, the remaining soda in the bottle. We will be refunding your purchase price via gift certificate, which can be redeemed anywhere Coca-Cola is sold, as long as that store does not also sell Pepsi. We apologize to all who have been affected by this inconvenience, and we want the world to know that this matter has been fully resolved. Increased security measures are already in place that will prevent any possibility of future attempts of corrupt, b****y employee tampering.”

Sanchez added, “To those who have already drank the bottles of soda but didn’t notice there was dirt in it, do not worry. It is no worse than breathing dust on a hot, dry, American summer day while drinking a cold, crisp, refreshing Coca-Cola.”
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http://www.nymeta.co/coca-cola-recalls-2-million-bottles-name-michael-reason-will-shock/

HR Dept · Sep 16, 2014

SNOPE!

heypartner · Sep 16, 2014

Another Internet Hoax?

moestavern19 · Sep 16, 2014

OP is moran?

Nero · Sep 16, 2014

713 said: ↑

Coca-Cola Recalls 2 Million Bottles With The Name ‘Michael,’

http://www.nymeta.co/coca-cola-recalls-2-million-bottles-name-michael-reason-will-shock/

Click to expand...

These kinds of fake 'news' articles are always so easy to spot - they are poorly written, and filled with grammatical and syntax errors, etc etc, and are usually so ridiculous in their premise that only a gullible doofus would fall for them.

However, it does remind me about this thing I read about how if you type your pin number in backwards at the ATM, the cops will rush right to you because they know you are being robbed.. pass it along, it's vital information!

713 · Sep 16, 2014

moestavern19 said: ↑

OP is moran?
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lol yes what an idiot.

Saw article on twitter and tought it was new.

Mr. Clutch · Sep 16, 2014

Wow, thanks for posting this.

I'll avoid those cokes from now on. I'll stick to Michelle

Invisible Fan · Sep 16, 2014

I avoid bottles with Juan or Jerome.

jayhow92 · Sep 16, 2014

I'm in Katy, should I evacuate?

SwoLy-D · Sep 16, 2014

Nero said: ↑

However, it does remind me about this thing I read about how if you type your pin number in backwards at the ATM, the cops will rush right to you because they know you are being robbed.. pass it along, it's vital information!
Click to expand...

PIN = Personal Identification Number <- correct
PIN <- correct

pin <- incorrect (acronyms are written with capital letters)
pin number <- incorrect; N is redundant.

FAIL.

Nero · Sep 17, 2014

SwoLy-D said: ↑

PIN = Personal Identification Number <- correct
PIN <- correct

pin <- incorrect (acronyms are written with capital letters)
pin number <- incorrect; N is redundant.

FAIL.
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BUT THAT'S WHAT I READ IN A POST SOMEONE FORWARDED ON FACEBOOK!! IT HAS TO BE TRUE!

GRENDEL · Sep 17, 2014

jayhow92 said: ↑

I'm in Katy, should I evacuate?
Click to expand...

Short answer "Yes."

Long answer "Yeeeeeeeeeesssss."

BamBam · Sep 17, 2014

Nero said: ↑

BUT THAT'S WHAT I READ IN A POST SOMEONE FORWARDED ON FACEBOOK!! IT HAS TO BE TRUE!
Click to expand...

Rule of thumb, it's only legit if it's on Reddit!...
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Is your name Michael?... You might die because of it.

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