Corporal Punishment

I plan on spanking my children with considerable force. It is the only language they understand at that age.

 

I don't have an objection to spankings, but I get the feeling many parents don't do it right. I'm not speaking of the mechanics here. I think its easy to go from spanking as loving discipline to spanking as useless abuse. I'm reluctant to use it myself because I'm worried about not being able to communicate what I'm trying to communicate.

 

If you are mad when you spank a child, thats child abuse. I have five sons and two daughters, never had to spank any one of them twice, some not at all.

 

I don't plan on spanking my kids at all. I just want to mess with their minds. I have never seen a parent spank their kid and then think to myself "yeah, problem solved". I usually just cringe at the whole scene. I got em, my 12 year younger little brother didn't. I think my parents grew up too in that time span. (or they were just tired)

It's funny that we accept hitting a child only when it is on the butt.

 

My parents never spanked me. The weird thing is that I never knew it until I was an adult. The threat was always there, but I cannot remember one time I was actually spanked by them. My Dad later told me he vowed never to do it because he was harshly spanked by his father. I did recieve the usual spankings from my principals, coaches and teachers. Most of the time with bats sawed in half and right on the friggin back of my legs.
But it also got to a point where I chose pops over D-Hall. A little pain was better than 2 hours after school.

My wife and I disagree on this subject. We don't have kids but if we do have them I absolutely will not say no spanking. I'd never hit them out of reaction though. I'm of the opinion that I'd use all 'reasonable' means to make sure my children are well behaved and tend to their responsibilities.

 

I will only do it when my kids understand why I'm doing it.

I got pimp slapped by my Dad after I talked back to my mom one too many times (I was 16). I totally deserved it, and knew it then, but he's completely erased it from his memory.

 

I'm sure that there are probably times when it works, children who will respond to it, and parents who would know how and when to do it, but if you're talking about a rule on the subject, you gotta go with eliminating the worst cases rather than allowing the best. As such, I'd say no. I can't imagine doing it myself, and my father never did, that I recall, but my Mom's wooden spoon used to be used with regularity, and I went to a British style boarding school for grades 8-10, and there it was standard; X number of 'swats' for specific offenses...it was all very regulated and formal...


Two corporal punishment stories...


My Mom and I lived in a long apartment for a while when I was a kind...picture a train; one long hallway with all the rooms coming off it to one side. My room was at the very back, and the kitchen was second from the front.

When I'd cross the line, my Mom would go for the wooden spoon, and I'd hear it being pulled out of the jar, and then my Mom would whack the hell out of the wall on the way down to my room...that long hallway saved my ass the worst of my Mom's ire...

So anyways, my room being at the back, the fire escape lead off of my window, and sometimes when I knew I was really in for it, I'd duck out the back, and come back later, figuring I'd still get it, but she'd have calmed down.

But one day, I miss timed my escape, and my Mom comes in as I'm pulling myself out the window, she pushes the window down so the sill is pinning me there, my upper torso and head out of the window, my ass and legs inside, and she lets loose...and sure enough, in the back yard of the apartment building are some kids, so I don't want to cry or nothing when they could hear me...so I took one of the worst whackings of my childhood, and had to stay completely quiet. I think, if she could, Mom would have arranged it that way every time.


The other story was at private school...I had had a terrible day, and even gotten 7 swats at once, a really high number ( the swat stick was like a smaller cricket bat...lethal..one master nicknamed his "Deathstroker", and hockey taped the handle)...for something I hadn'y even done...anyways, the record for swats in a day was 31, and I had had 30 come lights out...So after lights out I'm whispering about this almost record to my dorm mates, and the master hears me, and that's 3 more...blew away the record like McGwire...somewhat less of an honor, though, and with very little accompanying ceremony. Would you believe, not even a plaque...



P.S...T_J...sometimes you scare the hell out of me.

 

Spanking is for wusses. Branding, that's where the action is.

 

I was spanked a few times as a child and I plan to spank my child (due in December) at least once. After the first spanking, I think that you just need the THREAT of a spanking and for them to know that if they get TOO bad, their little butt will be sore for an hour or two. I got spankings, but my brother didn't because he saw me getting spanked and just didn't commit a spank worthy offense often. Funny, he learned to behave from spankings even though he didn't get any.

 

Sometimes you just have to do it. Kids are so different.

I spanked my oldest boy twice; he's now 19. I never had to spank my oldest daughter;she's now 17.

I've hd to spank my 3 1/2 YO about two dozen times.. but not in a long time, thank God.

I've had to spank my 20 MO about three times-- almost always when she is pestering her sister and won't back down after a couple or few warnings.

I always try to do it "clinically" so that I'm not perceived as doing it while angry and I always immediately spend some quiet, cuddle time with the just-spanked child to explain the action as best I can depending upon their age and to prove myself not to be a menace to them.

I wish that raising kids could be as easy as my 17 YO daughter was to raise. I love them all but.....

 

This is a "sensitive" subject... especially if you are or were on the receiving "end".

I was very rarely spanked growing up. I was wacked a few times (sometimes more than a few) in elementary school, where our Principal had a paddle made in Mexico with holes in it and decorations (I can picture it now... grrrrr!). The P.E. "teachers" did from time to time in secondary school. At home, it was extremely rare. Something really, REALLY bad had to have been done by yours truly to have my Father rise to the occasion. My Mom never laid a finger on me, bless her heart, although there were times she probably should have.

The threat was there and being reminded of it was generally sufficient. But it was much more common in the '50's and '60's, imo. I remember running out into the street without looking, almost getting nailed by a car, and the "old lady" who lived across from us chewed me out and spanked my butt. Today she would be sued, more than likely, but my Mom was glad she did it and I paid more attention to cars after that. (and more attention to the "old lady", lol!)

Today, there's no corporal punishment in my son's middle school or my daughter's elementary. I think it's becoming much less common as time marches on, at least in this country. And I think it's a good thing. If one of my children did something incredibly bad at school and if any spanking is going to be done... I would want to be the person doing it, not someone I scarcely know.

I don't like it and I have children who are far better behaved than I was growing up. They are taught that violence is something that should only used as a last resort... in extremis. So we practice what we preach. And we're also very lucky to have two incredible children. Thank goodness!

 

Spanking teaches kids that violence is an acceptable means of "resolving" a problem. And, as is often said, violence is the first refuge of the incompetent.

However, incompetence doesn't necessarily mean malice. Incompetence is usually based in ignorance. Many of us spank our children because we were spanked as kids, and it's hard for us to reconsider actions that we have seen our entire lives. Many of us simply do not know how else to discipline our children.

But violence is not the way. Hitting a child under the guise of spanking is still hitting a child. And it teaches the child to avoid the punishment rather than understand the cause. They will be fearful, but not understanding.

 

I only got spanked once as a child, and I turned out alright. (OK, that's a matter of opinion ). I don't think it's necessary, but I myself don't have kids.

I would rather tell a child what they have done wrong, and why I'm angry with them, than give them a spanking.

 

Excellent post ZZ.

When I talked about the merry go round whipping that I received, it was probably one of about 2 or 3 serious whippings I received when I was a kid. But ya know what? He only had to whip me 2 or 3 times. After the 2nd or 3rd one, there was no way I was going to screw up to where I had to get one of those ever again. I honestly always thought that my dad, the 2 or 3 times he did seriously whip me, was not mad at me, he was punishment me and giving me incentive to not do it again.

I have a son on the way and my wife and I have talked about punishment. We were both raised very similar in that 1) We got spanked when we deserved it (but not abused) 2) We grew up having a tremendous respect for both parents 3) We have held no grudges against them for any punishment they have had to give us when we were young. We have both agreed that spankings will be used sparingly. I think that is the key. You can't spank for every little thing, because it then is indeed child abuse. I think you have to pick the appropriate time when a child really needs to learn the consequences of their action. In those cases, a decent spanking never hurt anyone.

Pgrabiel, sorry if i scarred you by brining back visions of merry go round whippings. The good thing about the technique is, you usually can get enough momentum going to where alot of the pops are just glancing blows and don't sting as much.

PS - Giddyup and Andymoon's post are also a good summary on how I feel about it. Great job guys.

 

I have always thought that spanking was at the bottom of a list of punishments that get progressively worse as you scroll down. First, you try coaching, then a time out, then a spanking (the list is longer than that , but you get my point). The spanking is the penultimate punishment and should only get meted out when the offense is aggregious. As I said in an earlier post, most of the time just the threat of a spanking is more than enough.

I have a friend who is willing to pull her kids into the restroom at a restaurant and give them a spanking when they act up in public. As a result they are extremely well behaved kids when they go out to eat.

I think that our children need to learn that there are escalating consequences that can sometimes end with actions that are not condoned by all people. For example, I believe that we incarcerate too many people, and there are plenty of folks who think that capital punishment should be abolished. Those punishments are the spankings of the adult world. Spankings go to teach children that if you do not listen to authority, they may do something to you that will be EXTREMELY painful to you. We will give warnings (probation to adults or time out for kids), but if you do something bad enough, you will be punished for it (jail or spanking).

 

At least the kids of the pro-spankers here will have a neat sexual fetish when they get older.

 

I think most parents would agree that they wished there's a fool-proof formula for raising kids. Unfortunately there is none.