I know someone who also paid for his wife's student loan, and days after it was fully paid, she divorced him. She also took their car that he paid for, and some savings.
Always easier for others to say just get over a relationship and move on than to actually do it, but it's true that you can't make someone love you if they don't any more. If any thing the cowardly part was taking 3 years to tell him that this is how she has felt the whole time. I don't know if there is a "good" way to break up in that situation to be fair. The silver lining being that if that is how she feels, better now than after they have a kid together. Only time will help him get past it in the end. The first step isn't thinking about finding someone else, it's deciding to stop trying to fix the relationship when the other person has no desire to do so. In my experience you can only fix a problem in a relationship if both people want it to be fixed, and it sounds like she doesn't.
Typical female. There are some good ones out there, but this along with other stories here are typical. Feel free to flame me, you all know its true.
Mine waited until I couldn't take her off my insurance. That or the timing was suspect. If they have any debt/money, etc., I would highly advise he make sure he's well-covered if they end up divorcing. My mistake was not sicing my future father in-law on my ex.
I have no proof that she cheated. I probably never will unless she admits it to him herself. No s*** talking about her, yet. I firmly believe in karma. One of my close friends found out his wife was cheating on him. She left when he confronted her, saying she loved the other guy. A few months later, he was introduced to a woman. It turned out that she was the wife of the other guy. They had no idea...but fell in love and have been very happily married ever since. The other 2 dated for a while, but ultimately broke up. If that ain't karma, I don't know what is. He'll be fine and likely better off. Just hope it's sooner rather than later...
Bah, I hate reading stuff like this. You brother seems like a good guy, so just make sure to help him keep his chin up through all of this. He'll bounce back, and come back stronger for it by having a brother like you look after him. Like others said, don't talk badly about her right now. He'll have plenty to vent about, but let him do it when he's ready. Right now, just help him with the little things like meals, a place to crash if he needs it, ways to keep his mind off things, etc.
It is a permanent scar. It heals slowly and surely. It makes you appreciate what you have now. Where you feel lucky to be needed to fill that bitter void filled with rejection, self loathing, and perhaps even strange incoherent ramblings about object permeance. But this man said it as he felt it, and it was far more eloquent.
Spot on. When someone goes through something like this, focus on listening to them at first, let them vent... next step, consult or confide in them over your problems... it will make them feel better in two ways 1) the generally good feeling we get from helping someone else out and 2) it will give them perspective on their own situation and lessen that feeling that they're the only person in the world suffering... but don't ever skip to the "f*** her man" phase, in fact, avoid it altogether if you can, it doesn't help anyone. As for OP's brother, other posters are right, there's no use in her staying in a dead marriage. If she wants out, she's entitled to get out. However, her leaning on him so hard and then basically hiding her feelings (or this affair) from him for years is weaksauce. She is indeed a coward. I find that most heinous acts in love-relationships stem from cowardice and not malice. Hopefully he will find his way past this sooner rather than later, because holy f*** does it suck.
Others in this thread have already nailed it. My brother was a huge help to me in getting through those initial days of hell. Yours is lucky to have you.
I honestly don't under stand why anyone would be married if they weren't going to have kids. Luckily they didn't have any if she's acting like that. Hope your brother rebounds with a hotter friendlier woman.
Blessing in disguise. She's obviously not the one, even if your brother has been so loving and supportive.
That's another topic. But I agree with you. One day you will find the perfect white girl and your opinion will change. Possibly.
