Chron: Rudy intent on coming back

April 16, 2003, 10:33PM

Rudy T intent on coming back

By JONATHAN FEIGEN
Copyright 2003 Houston Chronicle

DENVER -- Rockets coach Rudy Tomjanovich tried to explain how well he felt, how optimistic and excited and fortunate he had become. He was planning scouting trips to Chicago and Europe. He has been watching tapes. Before the Rockets' season ended Wednesday, he had been preparing for next season and looking at everything in his life differently.

But somehow, even with his exuberance bubbling over, he felt he could not quite capture just how positive his outlook on life had become.

While powerless to help his team while on medical leave of absence, Tomjanovich could not bear to watch games. But he said he already is looking forward to next season when -- assuming his treatments for bladder cancer go as expected -- he can return to coaching the Rockets.

Which he has every intention of doing.

"I don't have any indication I won't (return)," Tomjanovich, 54, said in a phone interview. "I talked to Les (Alexander, the Rockets' owner) a couple days ago. It was a very, very friendly, caring call. We talked about what we will do in the summer, European scouting. We're going full throttle ahead."

But as he spoke, Tomjanovich seemed dissatisfied that he wasn't conveying just how much he has come to appreciate everything in his life. From the flood of calls and letters that have touched him to the gardening that fills the days that had for 33 years been consumed by Rockets basketball, Tomjanovich spoke of achieving a new, greater perspective on life.

"I wake up in the morning so grateful about the day ahead," he said. "I can't wait for the opportunity to do great stuff. Sometimes, it's just little things -- my dogs, the innocence of a kid. It's not like I used to be. I let a lot of things bother me. Now, I have a real positive attitude.

"It's been so heartwarming that so many people in our league, but also around the city and around the country, have called, that they have taken the time to send things, taken the time to call. People have really touched me with their prayers. I can almost feel them every day when I wake up with such a positive mood."

He has not second-guessed himself for leaving the team completely to concentrate on his treatments. Diagnosed with superficial bladder cancer on March 17, Tomjanovich is scheduled for his third of six weekly outpatient treatments today. But first, he will meet with his players for the first time since he told them he would miss the remainder of the season.

"It's been very tough not being there," Tomjanovich said. "I wanted to do the right thing. I knew the best thing was for me not to do games. I'm an internalizing guy. My whole body is involved in coaching. But I missed coaching. I missed the players. I can't tell you how much. I love them. The definition of discipline is putting off the end result to do something you're not really comfortable with. I had to do this now to get back to them.

"Everybody is disappointed (about the Rockets' failure to reach the postseason). I am. The players are. We all are. Now it's how do we take it. What do we do about it? It's just going to take more time. But some of those clichés are true. No pain, no gain. We have the pain. You see it in all parts of life, with people involved in many things. How do they get to the next level?

"The blueprint is there is no blueprint. A blueprint is a definite thing you follow. This isn't like that. You just go back to work. I'm already working on free-agent stuff, working with tapes. I'm planning scouting trips, and I'm excited about that."

In truth, Tomjanovich was excited about everything. He has given up nicotine and caffeine and has put on a few needed pounds. After his treatment schedule is complete next month, he will undergo another biopsy. But he spoke happily about how much easier the treatments have been than the biopsy that began the process.

"I wake up every day very grateful with a positive feeling that I will get this thing over one way or another," Tomjanovich said. "I have a positive feeling this will work. If not, there are other treatments, and we'll do that.

"I have not had many bad moments. The first days, I didn't know what to do with myself -- stand up, sit down, go outside. I didn't know. And the games are tough. I have so many emotions. I watch them on tape, but I really feel for the players and the coaches.

"I have been feeling very good physically and mentally. I feel fortunate to have found out about this stuff and to have made the doctor's appointment. I could have let it go by the wayside and let it go by the wayside for summer. What a lesson that was to learn. It's almost like I appreciate everything even more.

"I changed my life in the last five years. It's a great way of living, living one day at a time. Now I'm excited about getting this behind me. When I got punched (by Kermit Washington in 1977) and I was in the hospital, I thought it would change my life. After a couple of months, it didn't. I'll continue to be appreciative. I'll be real disappointed if I didn't stick with this way of thinking."

As he spoke, Tomjanovich glanced out the car window to the bushes he had planted along his driveway.

"Whoa," he exclaimed as if Steve Francis had just swished a key 3. "One of the roses is starting to bloom. In another day or two, they're going to all be blooming all over the place. It will all be roses."

Yes, he would return to coaching, he said. But first, Tomjanovich looked at the roses waiting to bloom and knew that this time he would stop to smell them.

 

Damn I miss Rudy.

 

Les ain't gonna pay for more assistant coaches than he has already.