Axis of Just as Evil (by John Cleese)

"Axis of Just as Evil" (by John Cleese)

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,
China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as
Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having,
for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in
their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim il Sung."Everybody knows
we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told
us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An axis can't have more than three counties", explained Iraqi President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three,
and a secret handshake. Ours is so wickedly cool."

International reaction to President Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was
swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what
has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced
that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join
with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of The Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up,
Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the
Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America",
while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries
That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just
something we would like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun
of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis,although he rejected
the establishment of the "Axis of Counties Whose Names End in 'Guay",
accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from
Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately
world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

 

And for this mis-information I'll blame my (now-defunct) friend Steve and apologize (quite defunctly) to one Mr Cleese...adieu!