Long story...but I need hepl!!! I am having a real problem getting over my ex-girlfriend. I need some advice. I've been with other girls since and still can't get her out of my head. There is a long story behind this relationship and we've actually broke-up twice. Here's the deal, I'm 25 and we first started dating when I was 18 and she was 16. We dated for three years and even made it thru her living abroad for 8 months after she got out of high school. When she got back and things were different but I chaulked it up to us being apart for so long. Well long story short, she broke-up with me, and married a guy she meet while she was away after she had been back for a little less than a year. She maintained that they were just friends untill she went to visit him in LA which was after she got back and we were still together. She said they had just kissed while she was up there, but knew it would eventually turn into more. That was very hard and I had a hard time with the that. I really made a fool of myself too because I really tried to get her to come back a few times before she moved to LA to be with him. I eventually gave up and after a few months I moved on and started my life again. All the while I still had not truely gotten over her. I was still always thinking about her...I mean she would enter my thoughts atleast once a day. Well during that time I moved to Atlanta for about a year and a half, all the while thinking that she would just always be "the one that got away" so to speak. I dated alot during that time, one girl even pretty seriously but she was always in my thoughts. Well I eventually moved back to Houston and after about a week back, out-of-the-blue I get a e-mail from my ex. It was a mass e-mail to all those in her address book, but it said that she was getting a divorce and that she is back in Houston now. I couldn't believe it! I replyed with a simple response "keep your head up and stay strong". A few days later she showed up at my parents door step.......my heart almost stopped. Eventually we got back together and had been together for a little over a year. I thought some higher power was giving us a second chance to get things right. All the time she was really pushing for us to get married. Once her divorce was final we started to talk seriously about it. Not too long after that she broke-up with me again. This time claiming that she has not had time to be young and that she needs to be on her own for awhile, which I know is untrue because she now has a new boyfriend. I don't know how serious it is though. Anyways we have been apart now for about 2 months, which brings me to where I am now. I am seeing a girl, but I am still missing my ex ALOT. I know the girl I am with now is "not the one" but I don't want to spend the rest of my life obsessing over my ex-girlfriend. I am in a bad spot and if you guys have any advice I would love to hear it. This time I know its over with us and I need to get her out of my head. PLEASE HELP!
T-minus 2 posts until someone tells you to forget that crazy b****. I won't comment on your relationship and what you may be feeling or what she may be feeling, but I had a similar problem with my ex, and honestly, it's damn hard many times to get over someone you felt comfortable enough with and loved enough to be with for so long. I found that the best thing that helped me get over my ex was to find someone else. I dated a little before meeting RM95's Girl, and even though I knew that the person I went out with a couple of times wasn't the one I wanted to be with, it did help extremely. Then once I met RM95's Girl, most of it went away. It's hard and there's never a simple solution. You'll be told to break off all ties with her, but that's not a very easy thing to do, understandably. If you are able to, then more power to you, but just be careful if you can't.
Dude, She may be the one for you, but you are NOT the one for her. 2 times she has chosen other guys when you were dating. You don't need or deserve that. Let her go and move on. Life is too short to worry about lost love. A lot of us have a first love that did not work out. However, you will meet someone that will knock your socks off, and the first love will fade. Quit hanging on, it is not good for you. DD
Thanks Rocketman, and yes I have broken off all ties. She wanted to remain friends but I had no desire to be "just friends" with someone I cared deeply about. It is REALLY hard to not just pick up the phone sometime and call her but so far I have stayed pretty strong. Although thats funny you brought that up because, the reason for this post is I was really wanting call her this morning. I didn't and won't, but boy did I want to.....lol.
That's the hardest part of it all. Put yourself out there even if you don't think you're ready. Good luck, buddy.
Dude, I know it was hard to post this and I congratulate you on your resolve. A VERY similiar thing happened to me and lots of other people I know. My brothers are still going through it. They tend to break up with people and then quickly hook up with someone else because they are afraid to be alone. That fear needs to be channeled into working on yourself. ALONE. Get busy with something else. Concentrate on work. DO NOT look for women. Do not date for awhile. PERIOD. I know this will be tough. But you have got to stop looking for awhile and work on yourself. And when you have done that and are finally at peace with YOU, that's when it will happen. I'm not just blowing smoke here. This actually happned to me. I had been serially dating girls, one after another, and finally started dating a girl that I thought I really liked. Granted, I was young. But family situations and other factors contributed to a bad relationship with this person. I was also drinking and taking drugs, basically I was destroying myself and trying to fill it with someone else. So I stopped dating, concentrated on ME exclusively and that's when it happened. I met a girl who was a really good friend. She even tried to hook me up with another friend who said I was cute! But I explained that I wasn't dating anybody then but maybe later. WE later over time got to know each other better and started spending more time together. Then we started dating. She is now Mrs. Mulder. So work on yourself for awhile. When I did it, I like to think that God said "thanks for getting out of my way, boy!" and brought the woman of my dreams to me. Best of luck. Keep us posted.
A too had a similar situation before. Then I met the girl who later I would marry and I don't even think about the girl from before. I went through about a year of being really depressed, then I realized that she was the one losing out so much because I'm so great. J/K You'll find someone that will be crazy for you. The thing I found best to do is surround myself with friends that I could talk to if I needed to, but have fun with most of the time. Also, if you live in an apartment...make an effort to go meet your neighbors...that's how I met my wife!
Sorry to hear about your troubles with this girl. She's the type of woman that gives all of us a bad name. I think when you find the right girl everything will fall into place. You and your ex were together for a long time and I'm just assuming here, but she was probably your first love. First loves are hard enough to get over at any rate, but you have had to put up with her games for years. I say go out and have some fun. You will find someone that will make you forget all about what's her face. Good luck!
Thanks guys, Mulder/Rocketman - Two different sets of advice and to tell you the truth I have followed both of them.....lol. The first time we broke up I didn't date for about 7 months. I just stayed around my good friends and we had some really good times. One frined in particular really hepled. Even when I was feeling low, he would drag me out of the house and we would go somewhere. Even if he was with his girlfriend. He would drag me along even if she wanted "alone time". She basically just had to deal with it. Looking back now it was kinda funny. But this time I have just put myself right back out there. I am with someone know but she's not anyone special, which is kinda hard because I think she's falling pretty hard. I'll probably end it soon, so I don't lead her on too much. Supermac34 - The bad thing is I just recently bought a house. And the really bad thing is all of my good friends from high school and college are all married. I mean to a man they are all married. I was never really into the club scene, basically because my second left foot wouldn't allow it, but in college I did hang out at bars with friends, but them being married they really don't do that anymore. CometsCrazy - Yeah she was my first love.....we were together for 3 1/2 years the first time and 1 1/2 years the second. So about 5 years total. Its tough. PhiSlammaJamma - Oh I'm living....the girl I'm with now is pretty cool. The first experience I've had dating an older women. I'm 25 and she's 28 about to be 29. Honestly, its probably the best sex I've ever had, but ohter then that there's not much there. Plus she's falling pretty hard, and I'll needd to break-up with her pretty soon. I don't want to lead her on. She has just fallen too hard too fast. I mean we have only been together for a little over a month.
I didn't even take the time to read your note because it doesn't matter. I'm going to answer your question: "What do you do when you can't get over a girl?". You move on. We've ALL been in your shoes. I've be obsessed with girls then things wouldn't work out and I thought my world was coming to an end. You will see constant reminders of her. You will hear songs on the radio that remind you of her. You will hope she calls and changes her mind. Move on. Get a new hobby. Surround yourself with friends. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off of her no matter how hard that seems. I'm a firm believer that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. All those girls I was obsessed with? I never think of them. I'm married to a terrific woman who I wouldn't trade for any of them. Move on. Everything happens for a reason.
All I can say to help you is...Time heals (is that how u say it in eng?) What I may suggest is avoid the place and things that reminds u of her(that's what triggers your depression) Sorry can't be of much help but I feel your pain... ALA
Buck, Thats weird becuase I just recently started getting calls quite frequently from a girl I dated a few years back. We were together for a year, she wanted to get VERY serious and I was not ready. We broke up and she got married and had a child. A few months back they got a divorce and she recently has been calling me. Now this girl was HOT. Probably top 3 ever for me. She had been a soap opera actress for a year before we met. Now, I really dug this girl, but was not ready for a commitment of that sort. And now, honestly I wouldn't have a serious relationship with her because she is divorced and with a child. What that makes me, I don't know, but I would love to see her again.
Free Agent - You are probably right, you didn't need to read my first post. Everybody has a story. The charters may have changed but the story is usually the same....lol. This has probably been asked before in a different way. I just was trying to get some advice, I usually don't talk to my friends about stuff like this. So I though this might be a good forum. My friends are their for me and they know what I'm going through, but were just not the type of guys who talk about this kinda of stuff.
What you need to do is find a girl that looks just like her, **** her, and then dump her. j/k Buck, I agree with the rest you just have to keep on living, and keep as much distance as possible from her--one time could be a regrettable mistake, but she has shown a pattern there--and this is absolutely not a pattern in her that you are capable of breaking. Time heals, others will heal, you just got to accept what happened with this confused individual and move forward.
Say Anything relationship advice JOE: Dude, where'd she dump you, man? LLOYD: In the car. DENNY: Oh man, your car? Man, Dissed in the Malibu. Thats your castle, man. MARK: Man, I was in love once. I got hurt real bad. I never wanna go thru that again. DENNY: Yo, you bringin me down, man. JOE: Lloyd, man, no babe is worth it. Yo, hang with us man. We'll teach you Bibles full of truth. DENNY: Man, all you gotta do is find a girl that looks just like her, nail her, and then dump her, man. Get her off your mind. MARK: Your only mistake is that you didnt dump her first. Diane Court is a show pony. You need a stallion, my friend. Walk with us, and you walk tall. LUKE: b****es, man. DENNY: Somebody better get that kid a condom. LUKE: Yo dudes, I gotta bail. GUYS: Later for you, Luke. LLOYD:I got a question: if you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?" GUYS: By choice!!!! Yeah...choose to refuse, man.
Just my 2 cents... Don't buy into that "If you love something, set it free" BS... Its hard to be alone after sharing something you thought was special with someone... Life does go on...Although she will always be in your thoughts, you'll one day be able to manage them away and concentrate on a new love... Lastly, forget the Be-atch and focus on all the new honies that you've probably not focused on due to the ex... In a little time, you too can go "from totally geek, to totally chic!"
