Random Thoughts From A Day In The Life of A Clutch Rockets Fan (Part One)

7:00 AM...Fire in the house...no, wait...forgot to turn off alarm...will pop a few glycerine pills and try to get back to sleep...

7:45 AM...Cannot find comfortable position anymore...hate alarm/self/whoever messed with the magical formula that was original Lucky Charms...Try convincing myself that I was having great dream, but self knows that I can't remember what I was dreaming about before minor heart failure...will give it another half an hour, then get up...

7:49 AM...Oh, to hell with it...

8:11 AM...Why do the Shower Gods need to make me do this hot water/cold water dance every morning? Am completely at their mercy...hate all deities that need validation from lesser beings...I mean, do I care what ants think of me? Hardly,am not as insecure as some gods...am a little hungry, though...besides, am pretty sure most ants think I'm a very nice person with many redeeming qualities...

9:04 AM...Might try going back to sleep for a little while, as my eyes seem to be currently looking out from roughly 3 feet into my skull, and the basketball game is not on for another...let's see, 7 hours...Have lots of work to get done, but I'm a romantic at heart, and cling to the notion that it will all sort itself out by Monday...Besides, I'll work better after a nap...

12:56 PM...Feel better, although roomates look strangely at me when I stagger into kitchen...Probably envious of how rested I look, whereas they seem like a casting line for the Living Dead...

12:58...Turns out not to be envy, but the fact that I went to bed with wet hair, and am now coiffed like a cross breed between Richard Simmons and Yetti...Comfort myself that Yetti is probably closer to the truth...

1:07 PM...Am watching Scooby Doo while eating brunch...( Does it count as brunch when it's really breakfast but you slept in? Do you need to have planned it in advance, and have it be more than 2 bowls of Sugar Crisp to call it brunch? Will ask more wordly friends about this...possibly.) Am assailed with ever present issues I have with Scooby Doo...

1) How do these people survive? They seem to live out one long road trip...I'll bet the guy with the cravat is a bonus baby heir trying to find 'self'...

2) Why is it that after 1, 234 episodes where the monster/ghost/vampire/etc. turned out to be some bitter relative with a mask, these geniuses still run and hide at the 1st scarey noise and vaguely monster like apparition? Wouldn't it occur to an even semi-moronic teenager that this might be Bitter Relative In Mask no. 1, 235?

3) Why are they scared of all these masked con artists, but ever so casual about a talking dog who can make various kitchen appliances and costumes appear out of midair that is constantly in their midst? And why do Shaggy and Scooby sleep in the same bed? The red head is pretty hot though, gotta admit that much...I mean, for a cartoon...I'm not weird, or anything...

4) If I were one of this bunch, and there was a monster present, I would immediately begin pushing on every wall in sight...It always comes down to a spinning wall...


2:01 PM...Have just wasted another hour of my life yelling at animated television show, expecting some kind of response...Almost never get one, and never when sober. Roommates are holding meeting in kitchen about late-rising Yetti freak yelling to himself about talking dogs in living room...Third such meeting this month...

2:37 PM..Sorted out the whole Scooby Doo..er..misunderstanding by, ahem, explaining that was on recently purchased really small cell phone which has since inexplicably dissapeared..Am almost sure that at least one of roommates partly believed me...

3:00 PM...One hour till game time...Am psyched about seeing the Rockets, as live in Toronto, only get to see them a handfull of times a year..Will go onto Clutch BBS now to get update...

3:01 PM..Surfing through BBS posts...Another witty comment by Smeggy Smeg...Have formulated theory to explain why Australians always seem to be so laid back and cool..It is undoubtedly because they are surrounded by imminent death. If I were to live on an island which is swarming with man eating crocodiles, poisonous snakes/spiders/seagulls/etc., and patrolled by deadly sharks looking for any would-be escapees, I'd adopt a pretty laisez-faire attitude as well...I mean, when you can be killed at any moment by a wandering waterfowl, why hold a grudge?

Will at this moment give random assessment of various BBSers that I see in print today...Ah, there's Manny Ramirez...Is obviously a very, very nice person who cares about other people...which makes me think less of myself in comparison, so I avoid Manny as much as possible...Besides, I have vague suspicions that his accumulation of What's Your Favorite ________ type threads is really being used to compile some sort of sinister dossier on every other BBSer, which he will one day use for some as yet unknown but clearly evil purpose in the manner of a James Bond villain-type...


Jeff...Intelligent, liberal minded Texan (!?!?) with equally intelligent, liberal-minded and supportive wife...Is possibly the Anti-Christ...

HayesStreet...Am convinced that he is really the basis for Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan character...as he is an American living in London, right wing/pro-military/govt., and, er...that's enough to go on, surely.

Clutch...Am very, very suspicious of this man...Am waiting for him to pull the plug on us and say that he can 'hook us up' for a fee, in manner of schoolground drug dealers after getting you hooked...No other explanation for providing such an addictive and entertaining site for free is apparent...unless he uses this to 'score with chicks'? Possibly not...

Codell...Agrees with most of what I have to say, laughs at my jokes...Is clearly deeply disturbed individual crying out for help...

deanbcurtis....actually inspired me to look up the little known condition 'Electrophile'...Considering telling him that Lisa Malosky looks remarkably like my uncle Stuart in a wig...hold back, though, on off chance he'll ask for Stu's number...

DoctorofDunk...Every time I am in the chat room and he comes in I have this disturbing image of an oversized nun with a ruler...Nice guy, other than that...


4:05 PM..GAME TIME!!!! Rox off to hot start...Yao on fire! Happiness tinged with strange sense of foreboding..every time Yao gets off hot, the guards seem to get jealous and jack it up crossing halfcourt...Still, very nice to do to Doug Christie & Co...AM still amused by the thought of Christie and Fox slapping each other...Not sure why...

4:36 PM...Moochie is, I am sure, not a real person, but some sort of computer animated character, akin to recent Al Pacino movie leading female...He is too brash, too much in love with making a ball go bouncey bouncey, and his hair probaly has it's own agent...

4:48 PM...Rockets are, as expected, going away from Yao...Never, ever cool off your own Big Man...defies the basketball Bible...When your center is hot, feed him." Give it to the Big Hot Guy!" I yell at the screen...Roommates seem to have called another meeting in kitchen for unknown reason...

5:26 PM...God the Rockets are good when they play together....Peja's a player though, although he seems to always be making a face as if he's trying to dislodge a stubborn booger...

5:48PM...Phone keeps ringing..Friends obviously don't get the importance of the deeply spiritual event that is me watching a Rockets game...

5:58PM..Terrence Morris looks a bit like Paul Pierce...

6:18PM..Had to go to the bathroom, and apparently missed something important...Came back just in time to hear Kings announcers state " If you don't hit any shots, it's very hard to win." Am waiting with baited breath for follow up to this pearl of wisdom...

7:11PM...Game over, much rejoicing...Interview with Carroll Dawson, who always reminds me of 345 guys I have known, all named Dave.



That's all for now, folks....

 

LOL! For the same reason...because you think like myself!?

 

Shhhhhhhh! That was supposed to be between you, me, Sedale and that maid...oh, and your weird friend Paulie...and my current ex-girlfriend...and those security guards..and, well, anyways...shtoom!

 

Alors, mon ami, il n'y a rien a dire...donc, je ne fais rien nonplus...Aussi, donne moi mon Depot Chez Nous passe billet, sacrament, tabernacle!


Re second instalment, it might be a little while...am somewhat swamped with work that just refuses to do itself..