[BREAKING NEWS]Moestavern19 to Leave the Clutchfans BBS

With this response from you, now I"m officially dazed and confused.

 

i just repped most of the funny gifs on here :grin:

 

I don't even remember why I said "Free AntiSonic". I think it must have been something that I was told to do in the IRC chat room or something. I don't know AntiSonic. I guess I just didn't like the idea of a regular poster disappearing. I guess I'm silly like that.

 

That was 7 years ago, to be fair.

 

The whimper in her voice projected a disillusion with collective membranes.
Those wires sparked feverishly until the circuitry no longer accentuated the
accumulation of wrinkles on her forehead, and lessened the plight of those
still deceptively trumpeting the fallaciousness of Dendrochonology.

Still, that noxious yelp was as well placed as a waterfall of battery acid
in the midst of a groundhog dance party on Saturn. Groundhog dance
parties on Saturn were common in this part of the realm. I never frequented
the scene much myself, being of a sound mind and of the opinion that
groundhogs who divulged in the the excesses of human delinquency
would soon find themselves in a world as bitter as a torrent of
battery acid splashing them about in the whiskers. Acid milk lactated
from the teat that stretches down as far as the Constitution unravels
before your knees, belonging to the benevolent, God-ordained,
United States Government.

The tactless piercing of howling winds increased as the chariot rose
from the makeshift sands, encompassing the rage of humanity
drunk on excess and stifled by lust for cheeseburgers, smoothies,
chocolate energy waters, self-help literature and p*rnography.
There was no decency left when they sold out the boys in Nam.
There was no decency when Nixon told the pigs to prance about
as he ransacked their houses behind their backs, and sent their
over-College'd progeny to the firing squad.

The befuddled youth,
all they wanted was a chance to have their voice heard.
But this was no time for fooling around, the Russians had nukes
coming out of their noses. Better red than dead. Commie, Nazi, Pinko, Liberal,
hippie, junkie, wavy-haired buffon, jewish, black,
intellectual, a pine cone that resembled Joseph Stalin, these were
the McCarthyist one-and-the-same's. Good vs evil. Most of those kids just
wanted to jam out and smoke the good dope, but a few acid
trips too far made peace a priority they could no longer ignore.
Most of those kids still wanted the attractive housewife,
the house in the suburbs, 2 car garage, 2.5 children, a Labrador.
But those kids got gun-fire on that day, and at that point
you could say without much hesitation that they would
have cashed in their God-given right to life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness all for just another moment on this frail planet. Maybe
a Dr. Pepper as well. Surely that isn't too much to ask.

Dr. Pepper is an American staple, especially in the South.
A Dr. Pepper usually comes served in the traditional way, with
ice cubes in a clear glass. The concoction is a supposed melding of
23 flavors. Notice the number 23. It is synonymous with America.
Michael Jordan wore it when he defeated a Galactic alien race
in the movie Space Jam. It represents the number of chomosomes
that align with another 23 chromosomes to construct a genome,
a deep-fried, Apple Pie-guzzling deoxyribonucleic acid forged
in bacon grease and dipped in Abraham Lincoln and Walt Disney.

It makes us think of our flag with its 23 stars and 23 stripes,
representing the 23 states that
the US Government considers actual America
(The original 13 colonies (minus South Carolina), Plus Kentucky, Iowa, Montana,
South Dakota, Colorado, Idaho, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Kansas, Wyoming,
and of course Maine.)
So these hot-shot marketing androids in New York
who outsmarted their predecessors that indoctrinated
the Baby Boomers on Mickey Mouse, Ronald McDonald,
and Ford/GMC try to make Dr. Pepper seem like its
combination of flavors is actually similar to America's DNA.

Of course this is the truth behind Dr. Pepper and their
scheming, and we can clearly see that based on completely
un-empirical, speculative mumbo jumbo that I have just produced.
But if you believe what I said and turn it into a religion, and
promise to change lives by monitoring thetan counts, then
you are living the American dream.

So Dr. Pepper is pure corporate brain-wash, and we've accepted this.
Now to a Texan, you would never say this, even though a Texan
is not an American. Don't get me wrong, a Texan loves his country
more than anything... except Texas. They're always talking about seceeding.
They hate yankees and anything East Coast. Putting a single bean in a bowl
of chili in Texas is like masturbating in a Pentecostal baptismal pool in front of
the entire congregation. Texas is fiercely Texan. They are the only state in the Union
that allows the flag to be raised as high as the American flag. They are also the only
state in the Union that got the **** kicked out of it by Mexico until Sam Houston
went to San Jacinto and bribed Santa Ana with New Jersey hookers and a case
of Kentucky Bourbon. Again, these are things we all know to be solid facts,
but to a Texan, you must never say such things, because Texas is also
the only state in the Union that requires you to legally possess a firearm
by the age of 10 months.

So you see, there are only 23 real states. Texas is not a state. Just like a Californian is not
a true America either, because California is a mystical place
filled with palm trees, hippies, and melodramatic, over-tanned,
ambien-addicted bisexual actresses, (and the movie stars are even worse).
California in reality is a failing economy and a bullet-riddled hell hole
A state that has more Mexicans trying to get inside of it
than Penelope Cruz at a Bullfight. A state that elected a movie star
to be Governor, and then President. Years later they would bestow the same
title on an Austrian body-builder (who narrowly beat out a p*rn star and a Wiccan Skateboarder).

So as you can plainly see, despite these facts, you must really have a
delicious Dr. Pepper. It is too good to pass up. Do not deprive yourself of the truth. Do not sell your soul for a taste of the ambrosia. Do not endorse the ignorance, but do at least recognize the bliss momentarily found in the gentle breeze of its absence.

 

ok, as long as it's warm with a slice of lemon.

 

keep writing, young'n. cleghorn's gonna love you.