"Why of course the people don't want war. Why should some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally, the common people don't want war: neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But after all it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship ...Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger." - Hermann Goering, Luftwaffe Commander, Nuremberg Trials 1946
He didn't even editorialize and he's a jackass? Or were you refering to Goering? If so then ...YEAH, JACKASS!
Not quite the level of discourse I thought the quote would provoke, but I understand you are doing your best. Keep trying and one of these days you might actually type a relevant sentence.
Thats what I'm sayin, if Chance is talking about Goering then yes hes a jackass. If Chance is talking about rimrocker then I disagree.
rimrocker, There's a big difference between our situation and Nazi Germany's. From what I've read in history books, the Germans weren't exactly being threatened by anyone(hell, Neville Chamberlain and France bent over backwards for them). Saddam Hussien on the other hand, never hesistates to threaten us, and has everyone forgotten his disgusting immediate post-9/11 comments? Great quote, but I don't see it's application here. Unless the Polish, Swedish, and French were running around blowing **** up in Germany back then, it doesn't work.
Well if I remember correctly, all those countries were stockpiling weapons just in case. That quote really makes you think. Of course our situations are different, but is Iraq more of an immediate threat than Al Queda is right now? Not unless you consider not having access to Iraq's oil Saddam has to go, but I still think we should take out Al Queda first and make sure we have the support of the majority of the world. A war in Iraq may get rid of Saddam, but it will definately provide Al Queda with more recruits and create more anti american sentiment over there. That will mean more people will be willing to help terrorist and make it harder for us to dismantle their networks.
Kagy your posts have a way of making my day. I just busted out laughing in the computer lab here in the Bright building at A&M with a bunch of nerds in here doing their homework. Someone asked me what I was laughing at and I told them to read the thread and they busted out laughing too. Hey rimrocker, when someone can respond to a post with two words and have everybody else slapping him on the back then the problem lies not with his level of discourse but with your apparent arrogance in posting such ****e. And just because you don't like it doesn't mean that it isn't relevant.
This guy's signature alone hints of his intellectual capacity - the actual post offers forth conclusive corroboration.
If that is your way of talking **** then you would be hilarious to see in a barfight. Anonymous patron: "What are looking at b!tch?" Pippendagimp: "Your simple phrases and peasant like appearance reveal your unbrainliness! Carry this discourse on further and I will be forced to initiate Defcon like procedures!"
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." - Jack Handey "Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." -- Steven Wright "Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense." - Mark Twain "Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful." - Seneca "Don't make me come down there." - God "It's an incredible con job when you think of it, to believe something now in exchange for life after death. Even corporations with all their reward systems don't try to make it posthumous." - Gloria Steinem "Based on the ignorance and lack of understanding of their environment, it is safe to say that many people of ancient times created religion to explain their world and surroundings as best they could, mostly through use of supernatural phenomena which could be explained scientifically today. In other words, people created religion because they didn't know any better." - Chris Clark "I prayed to God for two weeks for a new bicycle, then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." --Emo Philips "The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering." - Doctor Who, "Face of Evil" "To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition." - Sandy Bates "Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope." - P.J. 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It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead." "If anyone in the plot had even the slightest intelligence, the story would implode." --Roger Ebert, reviewing 'Jawbreaker' "We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the works of shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true." "The fact that there are a million cockroaches per human being on the earth does not necessarily mean they are a superior form of life." --Tracy Reed "Remember, there's no problem so complex it can't be solved by killing everyone even remotely associated with it." --ljd, Scorched Earth Party "According to Hollywood logic, none of the actual Titanic passengers was interesting enough, so the writer-director had to invent a Romeo and Juliet-style fictional couple to heat up the catastrophe. This seems a tiny bit like giving Anne Frank a wacky best friend, to perk up that attic." --Libby Gelman-Waxner, Premier magazine "I've never understood why women douse themselves with things that are alleged to smell of roses/tulips/freesias. What exactly are they trying to attract? Bees?" --Tanuki the Racoon-Dog "Get it straight: a police detective, a man who gets paid government money to put you in prison, is explaining your absolute right to shut up before you say something stupid." --David Simon, "Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets" "People who think chess is a wimpy sport have never been hit over the head with a solid marble chessboard." --Thomas Boutel "When in doubt, use brute force." --Ken Thompson Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. In the long run we are all dead. The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it. Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. I'm not cynical. Just experienced. "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." --Elayne Boosler Black holes are where God divided by zero. -- Steven Wright "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!" -Ernie Hudson, Ghostbusters Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything. --Tim Allen Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. --George Carlin My favorite animal is steak. --Fran Lebowitz I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. --Elayne Boosler I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth. --Janeane Garofalo The 1960s were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the shows then like The Flying Nun. --Ellen DeGeneres There's only one difference between Catholics and Jews. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it. --Elayne Boosler In the beginning there was nothing. God said, "Let there be light!" And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. --Ellen DeGeneres Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? -- Lily Tomlin Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one? Don't eat pork? Is that the word of God, or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody? -- Jon Stewart "Sanity is a one trick pony -- all you have is rational thought. But when you're good and loony, the sky's the limit!" -The Tick "Shop our store with great deals on the material things you capitalist pigs have been brainwashed into craving."-Found on Website: UGO Networks, Inc "If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."-Woody Allen "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."-Douglas Adams If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."-Catherine Aird Never miss a good chance to shut up. "Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic." "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." - Charles Schultz "Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route." "Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac." "To steal an idea from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research." "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot." "True diplomacy is being able to tell someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the trip." When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. -- Steven Wright If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. -- Steven Wright There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. --Steven Wright Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them. -- Steven Wright Careful. We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. If you can't convince them, confuse them. The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. --Douglas Adams The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. "Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn." --Fulton Sheen "If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences." --William Sunday "If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?" --George Deacon "When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself." --Peter O'Toole "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey "I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the **** out of me." --R. Geis "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." --Joe E Lewis "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." --Henny Youngman "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." --Dave Barry "I drink to make other people interesting." --George Jean Nathan "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." --Dave Barry "Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol." --NF Simpson "Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money." --Robin Williams "I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example." --Mick Miller "I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead." --Woody Allen "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" --Steven Wright "You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants." --Eddie Izzard "It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent." --Dave Barry "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." --Rita Mae Brown "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life." --Emo Philips "Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there." --Yakov Smirnoff "Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss." --Jim Murray "If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" --Steven Wright "If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." --Henry Youngman "Not only is life a b****, it has puppies." --Adrienne Gusoff "I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." --Dave Edison "Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." --Sue Murphy "You cannot have everything. I mean, where would you put it?" --Steven Wright "Where there is no patrol car, there is no speed limit." --Peter Beckmann Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?" EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area." All generalizations are bad.-- R. H. Grenier When will all the rhetorical questions end? --George Carlin Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture. --Steven Wright I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using blanks. --Emo Phillips Message? What the hell do you think I am, a bloody postman? (Brendan Behan, asked what was the message in one of his plays) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. "The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." --Richard Braunstein. "In the beginning, the universe was created. This is generally regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams. In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end? "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." --Ellen DeGeners "Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." --Jerry Seinfeld "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks "I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with." --Dennis Leary "I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving." --Steven Wright "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." --Emo Philips "At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote." --Emo Philips "How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand." --Emo Philips "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." --Emo Philips Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. -- Steven Wright Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. -- Steven Wright Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. -- Steven Wright The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. -- Steven Wright If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? -- Steven Wright If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? -- Steven Wright What happens if you get scared half to death twice? -- Steven Wright Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. -- Steven Wright A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. -- Steven Wright If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. -- Steven Wright Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things. -- Steven Wright Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. -- Steven Wright 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. -- Steven Wright There's a new test to see if an unborn child is dyslexic. That way you can give them an appropriate name, like OTTO or ANNA. -- Jimmy Wallis
I just copied your quotes to a word document so I could save them all and it took up 8 pages. Did you compile those or where did you get them from - they are great.
I saw the first two quotes on the list when I was just surfing around... can't remember which site I was on. They were so funny that I thought I'd go looking around the internet for quotes. This list is the result. Good stuff, huh? By the way, you'll notice that I don't know who many of the quotes are attributed to. If anyone can help me out on that, I'd appreciate it.
"With the Anaheim Angels...you just can't discount the power of the Rally Monkey." --BBS member DevilsAdvocate via phone this afternoon BTW...he was joking...really funny quote though IMO.
