Poll: 4 in 10 Americans say marriage becoming obsolete

if 50% of marriages end in divorce, honestly these results shouldn't be surprising...particularly since the folks answering this poll include those who grew up in those early generations of a higher divorce rate.

i'm not surprised by the poll. because as you say...opinion on this is all colored by your own experience. it's why i said it's impossible for me to discuss this without being influenced by my own marriage.

 

This is incredibly sad. But I'm not surprised by the poll results. It just confirms where the institution is headed in our society.

 

That didn't strike me as unusual. I take it as conservatives seeing a big disconnect between what they think marriage should be and what it is like in real life, with divorces, infidelity, gay marriages and the rest. And they just throw up their hands and wonder, 'what's the point?' because it's not being done the way they think it should ideally be done.

 

Maybe the Next Big Thing will be outsourcing parenting. It's like school, daycare, room and board all rolled up in one.

Cosby Moments cost extra.

 

Lawyers have killed marriage.

 

They've killed a lot of things in this country - and gotten filthy scumwhore rich while doing it.

 

I think that the purpose of monogamy is to raise your kids. Would be very hard to raise kids when parents' time, resources, and attention is split between different households. I'm all for freedom before the woman becomes pregnant, but once you make the decision to have sex, you should already have committed to raising a child with her.

 

Marriage can be good or bad depending on how you look at it. The more committed you are to a relationship the more likely you will stick it out. For example:

Just dating - easy to break up
Moved in together - have to maybe break a lease, move stuff out
Married - Lawyers, paperwork, alimony, dividing up debt assets
Married with kids - you're stuck forever divorce or not and you feel guilty about the effect on the kid

As you move up from dating to kids there is more and more of a buffer of paperwork, money, and time it forces you to really consider what you are doing. This allows for a cooling off period. When you're really angry and just dating boom it's over no confrontation no problem. When you're married it's not that easy obviously. So the contract of marriage helps to keep people together. Good for the kids? Studies show kids do much better with a two parent household. Still now you have the tension of two people only staying together because of the kids....so maybe not so good...

You notice how celebs get divorced all of the time? If we were all as financially independent as say Eva and Tony Parker we would to. The divorce rate in this country would be like 80-90%. We may get angry at our spouse but then we think damn I don't have a job or how can I get my own place I don't have money for a deposit, etc. it gives you pause and then we calm down and start rationalizing why we should just stick it out. Eva doesn't give a crap. She has the money to go and buy her own house tomorrow and she can eliminate the confrontation tension because her wealth allows her to just move out and move on. Who needs to pack clothes? She'll just buy new stuff.

Very few species mate for life and none live as long or as complicated lives as humans. Marriage IMO goes against our natural instincts.

Just my 1.5 cents

 

Lawyers are a convenient scape goat. Individualism gone awry is more like it.

 

Well, it should but often times it doesn't. As evidenced by the 50% divorce rate.

Of course, you can also have a situation where the parents actually get along and grow old together and live happily ever after. So there is no tension whatsoever that they can't work through. I know it sounds crazy, but it happens occasionally.

Perhaps, but that's on them. Just because so many people choose to bastardize the institution doesn't mean the institution itself is flawed.

 

QUESTION: Maybe society should let go of the tradition of marriage
and simply start trying to make it work.

We know Kingdomship was probably the most efficient way to run a country . but sometimes there are other considerations. I say that to say this. .even is marriage is the best way WE KNOW to raise kids . . maybe we need to look for news arrangements and reset expectations . . . because the old ways are not . . uhm . . applicable anymore.

Rocket River

 

And it will all be subsidized.

 

Marriage is broken because people are broken.

You can take every Lexus (or pick any other decent reliable car) ever built and if you don't put the right fuel, oil and service into it the best car made will break down. So you don't throw the car away and say maybe it's time to try another car; you fix the people who are making the wrong choices.

Society needs to look at society.

We had teachers in schools who couldn't control children because parents made bad choices, and then the teachers didn't handle correction with paddles well and then parents didn't want teachers to correct the children so guess what we did? We put the paddle on trial, found it guilty and threw it out of the school.

The parents need help. The marriages need help.

A new system won't fix the root problem.

 

I don't understand.

Again, just because so many people CHOOSE to bastardize the institution of marriage doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the institution itself. That's like a fat guy cheating on a diet, then complaining that the diet doesn't work.

 

If a fat guy can find a diet that he won't cheat, it'll be a better diet than the one he will cheat. Then, if the same experience is universal -- if a clear majority of people are getting better results from this new diet because they don't cheat on it -- then yeah, the old one should probably be scrapped for the new.

To take another random example. There's nothing wrong with a horse-drawn carriage. It worked well for centuries. But, if your aim is to get from here to New York within the week, the car (or the plane, or the train) is what you want.

Likewise, if an innovative social structure that yields better results in companionship, safe sex, child-rearing, financial security, and/or whatever else one hopes to get from a marriage is found, it should probably be adopted. Depending on what is important to an individual, marriage may or may not make sense. But given that our communal long-term interest lies in child-rearing, though, and marriage produces the best results there, I don't see it going obsolete any time soon.

 

With the depressing stats nowadays, it's easy to sympathize with opponents of marriage. But it will never be obsolete for me.

As others have said, when done right it's a great institution. Who I am as person is partly because my parents have been happily married for 30 years. They married after finishing grad school and having solid careers to build a foundation on. My father made more than enough so my mother became a housewife to give all my siblings and I solid parenting.

Sadly, I can't the same for my old friends who I don't see anymore. Almost all of the ones who have major issues had parents divorce or have their marriage severely affected at an early age. Typical reasons included cheating, finances, marrying too early, working too hard/late, etc. The result: people like my old friends who do the same things or more like hardcore drugs or alcohol.

Growing up in a stable household with parents who love you unconditionally works wonders on a child, and even as an adult, having that incredible support system of material and moral needs is very, very unappreciated and unrealized for so many people which is a damn shame.

 

dont rush?

 

To me that sounds like a individual is weak and doesnt want to try to make a relationship work then just give up and do what everyone else is?

Fkuc that, G*D said that man shouldn't be by himself but I dont think he meant he should be in so many uncounted relationships and just do how ever many women you want.

is it badd that its 1239pm and Im drinking? heheh backspace for the win im at this computer forever omg!

 

The fact that even with that huge buffer in place the divorce rate is still 50% is proof. Think if getting a divorce was as easy as just stop calling someone like when you're casually dating? When you're angry you make quick decisions but the buffer allows for a forced cooling off period. Remove the buffer and what would happen?

I'll put it this way without the buffer or if we were all financially independent the divorce rate would be just about as high as the breakup rate among casual daters. The institution is flawed because it goes against basic human nature. And I say this as a married man.

 

Well said. I was going to ramble on and on about different things as it relates to the topic, but this touches on a lot of it.

Rhester and others stated the children's needs as it pertains to marriage. Thing is, people do NOT care about children. If you go by what CF posters say about children and having them, you'd swear they are fire breathing radioactive creatures who will melt your body and poison the earth.

Thing is, (the time frame being different for each person) after a while some people grow out of pursuing things only for themselves. Its not that they're lonely and miserly at all, its their efforts start to feel unrewarding when its the same routine and themselves as the receiver. You can be charitable and help the world be a better place, very true. But doesnt development with people start AT BIRTH? Life's a risk, you can have a kid thats a hero or a killer there's no guarantees, but if you're so compassionate about life and the welfare of people, if you're so "responsible" and selfless, how come parenting is left out of that? How come you'll devote yourself to causes and care about the livelihood of others, but don't want the responsibility of children that you have? I figure its under the same umbrella of compassion, but I guess not

(No I don't have children)