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Discipline Children

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout: Debate & Discussion' started by Rocket River, Oct 4, 2010.

  1. white lightning

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    I just don't understand how you can hit your kids. I have 3, have felt like doing it, but don't. There are other ways to make your point. You are telling them that if they don't behave the way you want, they will be subjected to physical violence and I don't think that's a valuable lesson.
     
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  2. rhester

    rhester Member

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    3 cents on raising kids:

    1. Most adults who don't have children are experts.
    2. Most adults who go on to have a very compliant first child believe they could right a best seller on raising kids.
    3. The real test of how well you discipline and raise your children is not known until you see how well your kids are able to raise their kids to have good character and successful lives.
     
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  3. thegary

    thegary Member

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    i don't hit my children--> i yell, prolly not so good either. it's difficult being a parent, there is no rulebook. anyone who says otherwise either doesn't know what they are talking about or they have control issues.
     
  4. thegary

    thegary Member

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    ^my feelings as well^
     
  5. rhester

    rhester Member

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    Jed Clampett- "One of these days I'm going to have a long talk with that boy"

    Granny- "Jethro, you come hare, wait til I git my hands on you!" (chasing and swinging with iron frying pan)
     
  6. juicystream

    juicystream Member

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    I spank my son. Its very effective. We do timeout as well, which is usually ineffective. What I've seen in children that are treated to new age adult treatment? That they manipulate others and tend to be disobedient away from their parents.

    We also use positive reinforcement to encourage good behaviors.
     
  7. BigBenito

    BigBenito Member

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    That is a nice, touching sentiment, but it does not seem like a good test to me.

    A lot can happen that the grandparent has absolutely nothing to do with for a grandchild to become high character/successsful adult.



    (You could be absentee, abusive and your grandchildren might end up with the ideal, American life as adults. Did you deserve an A on the test?)
     
  8. thegary

    thegary Member

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    congratulations on being an effective spanker. :rolleyes:
    and what, pray tell, constitutes new age adult treatment?
     
  9. Prince

    Prince Member

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    ouch. that was oucher than spanking..
     
  10. Prince

    Prince Member

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    Thanks.
     
  11. Cesar^Geronimo

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    The problem isn't the discipline method (spanking, time out, etc..) it's the consistency of the parent.

    Being a parent is hard but the best kids are the ones that know their limits and know something will happen everytime they cross those limits. May parents let their kids run wild most of the time -- then when the behaviour is embarissing to them (in front of others) they expect the child to listen. It does not work that way.

    You can discipline kids without spanking or yelling. Consistency is the rule.

    I work with "at risk" kids from 0 - 6yrs old. I never raise my voice or use physical discipline (or even the threat of it). These kids do not all come from good places but they soon get it.

    The most secure child is one that knows their boundries and knows someone loves them enough to stop them everytime they push beyond them
     
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  12. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Member

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    I spank my step-daughter all the time. I'll put her over my knee, pull her pants down and spank her right in front of her friends, if need be. Sure, she's 16 years old but I don't see a problem with it.
     
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  13. Supermac34

    Supermac34 President, Von Wafer Fan Club

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    This is one of those arguments that its hard to make a blanket policy.

    It depends on the kid.

    I've seen kids that NEED a spanking. Their parents have raised spoiled, manipulative, sociopaths that get away with everything because the more subtle forms of punishment don't work. A good spanking might have helped along the way.

    On the other hand, there are some kids that will react very negatively to physical punishment and won't learn a thing. Other methods must be explored.

    When I was growing up, I believe I was spanked a grand total of one time. It was enough. The threat that it was a last resort option kept me in line most of the time.

    Maybe I'm wrong, but if the kid has it in the back of their mind that it *might* happen, even if its extremely rare, then it helps. If the kid knows that they will NEVER get punished in such a way, they learn to manipulate the parents' system.
     
  14. rhester

    rhester Member

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    OK, try this- the acorn doesn't fall very far from the tree ;)
     
  15. krosfyah

    krosfyah Member

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    There is no definitive rulebook but here's a great book published in 1964 and it's still perfectly valid today.

    http://www.amazon.com/Children-Chal...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1286314413&sr=1-1

    I said no spanking too but my daughter is about as head strong as they come, even according to our daycare (4 y/o). So we tried spanking but it directly resulted in her trying to hit us back sooooo, I'm back to no spanking. Following this book, I'm having a lot of success.

    One key message from the book is that it's not about what you say to your child ...but HOW. If your child thinks it's a me against you situation ...then you lose. You need to teach "logical consquences" and the kid needs to understand those consequence and not that you are "punishing" them. Kids are very receptive and if they think you are punishing them, then they'll rebel. Kids are very perceptive. If you don't finish dinner then taking away your PS3 is not a logical consequence in a real life situation. If you show up late for work, will your boss take away your PS3? If they don't get to the dinner table in time ...then they don't eat. Simple as that. If you get to the restaurant after it closes, no soup for you. Next time, they'll be ontime. It doesn't require you to say anything to the child except what is dinner time and it should be said in a 'matter of fact' tone of voice. As soon as you raise your voice ...you lose. As soon as the kid even thinks you are punishing them ...you lose. If you have young kids, logical consequences requires some creativity and planning on your part so the kid understands the consequence BEFORE an incident occurs. If you impart consequences DURING an event ...you lose. This method requiers practice but IT WORKS.
     
  16. thegary

    thegary Member

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    i've never read an ounce of parental advice. we have three boys and they can be a handful. we try to balance structured versus unstructured time. each child, like all human beings, is different and needs time to express himself uniquely. i think this is key and results in our children being courteous and polite when they are with others. in fact, they behave better when they are not around us. kids require the time and space to "act out." so far this is our greatest parental success.
     
  17. kokopuffs

    kokopuffs Member

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    they should be taught that if it's a them-vs-you situation, it's THEM that will lose.
     
  18. nickb492

    nickb492 Member

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    I paddle.

    Talking out of turn...that's a paddling. Looking out the window...that's a paddling. Staring at my sandals...that's a paddling. Paddling the school canoe...ooh, you better believe that's a paddling.
     
  19. StupidMoniker

    StupidMoniker I lost a bet

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    The Freeman Solution
    [​IMG]
     
  20. BrotherFish

    BrotherFish Member

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    As you may know already, I consider myself a conservative Christian. The Bible says "spare the rod, spoil the child." Also, James Dobson with Focus on the Family also believes that there is an appropriate way to "spank" a child.

    Also, it's not as bad as it sounds. I have 3 kids also and I very rarely need to spank my kids. Most of the time, they are given “time-outs”. I have already established my image in their minds as someone they need to respect at an early age.

    It really depends on the type of child you have and how who they respond to different types of discipline. Keep in mind, most kids are just trying to see how much they can get away with.

    Another one of my "golden rules" is that parents need to earn the right to discipline their kids. What I mean by this is that I spent a lot of time playing and taking care of my kids—baths, dippers, floor time and such. You have to build a strong care giving relationship and not just the authoritarian "dad" who only shows up when it's time to discipline.

    I hope this puts things in a better perspective. Again, this is just advice and should not be taken as the only way to discipline children. If others have had better luck without any corporal type punishment--then that's even better.
     

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