. .In backyard next to the victory garden, planting blueberry plants of differing cultivars and trying to hurry because both my daughters have soccer practice. The time is about 5:15pm today...As my back is turned, I feel a prescence and I turn around and a black woman is standing there with a clipboard in one hand and in the other a small child (now keep in mind there is no fence in the backyard yet)..apparently she came from the house opposite my backyard..But initially I don't recognize her... For whatever reason, I can feel my body going in fight mode at the onset..my pupils dialate, my focus is on the target, tunnel vision starts to creep in, and a surge of adrenaline rushes through my body . .All this takes place in milliseconds, then she speaks:.."excuse me sir, nothing bad. I need to ask 3 neighbors for reference since I'm applying for a job with Metro police, so that I can have verification that I don't, you know, have loud parties..could you help me out?" (maybe not the exact wording, but pretty much it) At this point, the adrenaline spike has calmed down, but my surprise of the moment is still there. . I told her:. ."No thank you. I prefer not to"...She then kinda frowns and turns around saying "C'mon tray, let's go".. It wasn't till about this moment that I realized she either stays or lives at the house directly behind my backyard...The problem is since the neighbors moved in (February), I maybe seen her twice . . Now I mentioned her being black because it seems odd that the neighbors I typically see are Hispanic. . Since I see her like never, I always figured she visited and did not necessarily live there since like I said only seen her once before that I recall... Anyhow, I didn't feel comfortable and felt caught off guard...As I finished the blueberry plants, I notice her out of the corner of my eye coming out "her" backdoor and then she said:. . "sir, I wasn't trying to sell you something", and I told her "I understand that, but I have the right to say No"... My wife then calls me to "lets go" (soccer practice), and I let her know what the exchange was about. . I kinda felt like I should have handled it different, but I just didn't feel right. What would you do?
I'm gonna guess that the chain of events you just described occurred differently in your mind than the way you just communicated them on clutchfans.
If I was her, I would pretty much think you are an *******. Nothing wrong with helping out a neighbor, especially if you have never heard loud parties coming from her house.
so you're that guy. The smart ass that the neighbors will never invite to parties. You could have been a sport and just helped a sista out. wait till she becomes a Cop...then you'll have to watch your back.
Go knock on her door and sign the paper you *******. The economy sucks and you have to be a dick because you can't sign a piece of paper? You have the right to say no? LOL. Okay.
My guess is that you thought she was a persistent solicitor trying to sell you useless things? You should have recognized that in the second meeting and apologized.
I think I might have at least taken a look at what it was she wanted you to sign. If it was only a reference that she didn't have loud parties, and since you didn't know anything about her it is then fair to say that you've never had reason to notice her, i.e. due to loud parties, disturbances, what have you. If the reference was more detailed and asking about whether you'd actually vouch for her being an 'upstanding citizen,' well then that's different. I might try to go make amends and be, you know, neighborly.
I understand being caught off guard and initially thinking that someone has ulterior motives. I'd probably have the same suspicions if someone I didn't really recognize walked up to me at my home and asked for something like that. It sounds to me though that she's just a neighbor looking for help getting a job. If it was me, I'd probably walk over and apologize and sign the papers.
Most likely take the time to meet a neighbor that I hadn't met before and make small talk which would include asking how long she had lived there and then at least read what she wanted signed. I'd prefer to not annoy the person next door that is likely to become a cop. I can understand being caught off guard though.
I don't think what you did was wrong, but it was certainly a dick move, and I would guess that she probably thinks you had...other...motivations to say no.
What does irk me a bit is that you deemed her a hostile just because she's black? Or at least that's what I got from that... Also, just because your neighborhood is mainly Hispanic doesn't mean it's impossible or even rare to see a black person...
No, not at all. I felt surprised, and it is a natural reaction. I did not deem her hostile...I did deem that feeling towards a white soliciter that was persistant and annoying, and pissing me off (in the past). What I described was a surge of adrenaline due to being surprised and perhaps that shut me down on being open and friendly... Obviously, by typing this I have some kind of regret. otherwise I would have kept it to myself. I think she should have been the one to say :"Hello, my name is blank, I live over here...that would have been better.
She probably felt awkward for having to ask you what she was, could have thrown her off as well. Your reaction didn't exactly cultivate a friendly exchange.....
