[Washington Post] Why don't moms with kids have time?

It gets better. I can't say I'm a full time stay at home parent, but my wife and I are teachers, and as such have summers off.

When our children were small, there needed a lot of our time. We knew that and we raised our babies and gave them our attention. Now that that are 9, 10, 13, and our oldest is in the Air Force, we can wake up late, stay out late, go on trips, go out and about....basically do whatever we want.

 

I can't take it seriously when people spout off about how they have no time for themselves anymore, how they can't sleep, how they have a constant headache, how they can't go anywhere or spend time with their friends, how they don't have any extra money to spend, etc, etc...and then end with "But it's totally worth it! They make me so happy!" Really? Seems like you just spent 10 minutes telling me how miserable you are.

I guess it's just one of those "you wouldn't understand" things...

 

I guess so. Sometimes, people sacrifice a little (or a lot)for those they love. If you don't get how the love of a child exponentially supercedes those sacrifices, there's no point trying to explain it.

 

yes, i suppose you either like kids or you don't. different languages completely.

 

Very true. And although my day is full I'm not a big complainer. Problem between some parents and others is that I make time for myself. I say, "I'm going out this weekend or I'm going to do this." And then I make plans and I do it. If not, I feel I'd be one of those crazy people who complains constantly. :grin:

 

****.

Double ****.

We're expecting our first in October.

 

Some people might have our luck. Our first child, my son, was not like any other baby/toddler of any one of our friends, who had their kids decades before we did. He was incredibly well behaved from the beginning. He usually slept through the night, unless he had an earache, which wasn't often. He didn't cry and fuss in eateries, instead looking around in wonder at everything, unless he had his face in a bunch of food. And the food he ate? Spinach, broccoli, green beans. He would grab the stem of a broccoli spear and gnaw on the "flower" part. He'd pick the spinach leaves up with his fingers and greedily stuff them in his mouth. The iced tea ladies at Luby's, back when they had iced tea ladies, knew us on sight and doted on him. My significant other, being a state executive without my flexible schedule, left most of the care during the day to me. Yes, I was a stay at home father for a year with both our children. I remember going to a Luby's with my significant other and my son once, and the iced tea lady liked to have a fit, she was so happy. She had assumed that I was a single parent, an older guy left with a small child for some unknown reason.

He's 19 now and trying to make up for the many years of simply being wonderful, but those years were amazing. My daughter, while unique herself, was pretty much the same way and I took the year off, at least during the day, with her as well. Many times, as the years passed, our friends and relatives would marvel at our children, putting forth all sorts of theories as to why they were different from damn near every other toddler they'd experienced. My own theory? My magnetic personality and charisma, of course! That, and I'm a good actor. If one of them started to do something they knew they weren't supposed to do (they weren't perfect!), I could just give them a look. While I never laid a hand on them, they were convinced that I was quite capable of doing that, and they never wanted to experience it. All acting. Maybe I missed my calling. I could have been one of those character actors, the cats in the films who pop up in so many of them, leaving you wondering just what their name was.

Such is life. I left the way clear for that kid, DaDakota. The field is clear, DD. Take up acting!

 

Clutchfans is eagerly awaiting pictures of your baby in Rockets merchandise

 

Thanks for taking the time to outline things. Okay, having kids = no free time. When you have kids, its not about you anymore. Thats actually NOT some crushing revelation to me. So what, let your ego go.

I decided recently to myself (not going to act like I've ALWAYS THOUGHT IT), that its better for people to learn parenting roles FIRST. THEN you have a "opt-out" from choosing family life. When you see that half of births occur outside of marriage, why "wing it" with parenting when it all of a sudden happens? Why have a haphazard approach to it? I'm VERY unprepared for it still, I'll crumble in a heap if I'm a father.

Sorry to get preachy. There was a little small moment on this board (in a thread about the football player sleeping with his sister). To protect the player and prove he didnt deserve so much scorn for it, someone said something to the tune of family values is some "old fashioned conservative principle" they keep trumpeting..I thought WHAT?!? Like everyone who opposed was a bunch of overreacting ninnies and he needed to show people were hanging on to "antiquated ideals" that prevented them from seeing the situation for what it is...

Thats how people are nowadays. Thats how they view family and kids. Its because their own parents sucked or they felt lied to, or current culture promises people too much personal reward for personal accomplishment. (Which doesnt mean jack squat to kids, but when you dont care about kids in the first place it doesnt matter anyway). And I'm thinking thats why some mothers or parents when asked "what do you do" are like UUGH not one of THESE types again

 

i love playing with my niece and nephew.....for 3 hours. being the cool uncle rocks!

 

SwoLy, I'm gonna let you're ass get away with that.

 

LOL, this is extremely ignorant, yet funny as hell. :grin:

 

I don't have kids, but I think it is one of those things where you can despise all of the negatives that come with it, but when you are holding your kid, the feelings you get wash all that away. The negatives are still present, but in those moments, you just don't care.

I'm not really sure if I want kids. It's something I think about occasionally though. I just value the options and freedom that you have without kids, and I'm not sure if I could ever give that up.

 

I'd give you guys the run-down of my morning schedule but that would take far too long. I would tell you why it's all worth it but I've got to finish giving the babies their breakfast and feed the hobbit-like three year old her second breakfast (wish I were kidding). The five year old is self sufficient enough for me to see I'll have more free time in five years so I can spend it debating with them about wardrobe choices, explaining how and why everything works and searching for clean socks.
I thought a web cam might explain how it took me until noon to get everyone out the door yesterday. I really don't have time to set a webcam up. But if it weren't enough to get four kids dressed, fed, changed, napped, fed again, dressed again (potty accident - resulting in needing to do laundry again and some floor mopping) I had to do most of it with only one arm free since one of the babies constantly needed to be held. I did manage to send off two emails during that time!
So now I've blown my free time for the day responding to this post - Please thank whoever took care of you when you were too little to wipe your own bums, feed yourselves or strap yourselves into car seats If any of you are twins you owe an extra thank-you!

 

^preach on!!!

What no magic time scheduled at midnight? too exhausted and want it to finish quickly so you can sleep b/f the baby wakes up? lol...that's schedule is the norm and as you add kids, it gets worse...not everyone is as disciplined and structured and now that my kids are older, they are somewhat self sufficient, but i do find that I have to constantly repeat myself/mentor my boy although he's easier to manage...the girls, not so much, and they are needier...but I love them so...

Quoted for truth..it is hard to explain but truly a gift...parenting isn't for everyone...it's like you have to be able to sacrifice everything and not blink an eye to get that hug and "I love you Daddy/Mommy" which makes it all worth it...

 

No, please don't. That's the exact problem: parents are preachy about what they do and who they are. Like they invented cold fusion or solved world hunger or something. You reproduced, congrats. You've done something 99% of the world population can do. It's statements like "you don't have kids so you don't understand" make the situation even worse. It's condescending. Maybe we understand, we just disagree.

I know I'm gonna pi$$ off the parents here (and maybe send this thread straight to D&D) but here's the truth: I don't think parenting is the "hardest job in the world". Sorry, I just do not. Is it an incredibly difficult thing to do? Absolutely, especially in the first few years. But, IMHO, it's not a job: it's an obligation. Nobody puts a gun to your head and makes you reproduce. It's a choice. Just as choosing to own a home is a choice. No one would say "owning a home is the hardest job in the world", even though it takes hundreds of thousands of dollars, requires almost constant upkeep, attention, etc.

This is what parents fail to understand: when they choose to do something that is optional (make no mistake: the world population is exploding, and a few less people wouldn't be such a bad thing), and then constantly whine about the things they gave up to do it, it really grates on those of us on the other side of the issue. If people choose to be a parent, that's fine. Good for them! I don't think it's the most important job in the world, but it is a great thing and I wish them every success. I just wish parents wouldn't pontificate so much about it.

And here's another thing I wish to clarify: frustration with parents DOES NOT equate to not liking kids. I'm a teacher, and I work with Kinder through 5th graders every day. I love and value kids! But that doesn't mean that I think parenting is the end-all, be-all of human existence.

 

Parents these days are too lenient with their kids. They want their kids to be their best friends and let the kid boss them around. If you have rules and punishments for your kid every time they step out of line, your kid will be well behaved when they get to the toddler stage.

Lots of parents just let their kid get away with everything. I see kids hitting their parents, hitting their siblings, throwing fits, screaming, and all the parent does is kind of tell them to stop, never demanding and never punishing. That's not a good way to teach and it ends up making parenting so much harder. Most people that complain about how hard it is with their kids are those kinds of parents. They think they don't have time to teach their kid or punish their kid, and it ends up costing them more time and pain later.

 

You make is seem like parents came to this topic and started preaching for the hell of it. The whole point of this thread was to explain what stay at home parents do. You even made a big deal about answering the question in the OP's post. Several parents then tried to explain what stay at home parents deal with daily, and one even tried to put down a schedule. Whats wrong with that?